Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The fest that simply has to be attended......

"No blogs for a long time?"asks joey.
ME:I think i have reached that stage as an author where,new ideas stop coming.
(This comment,I think,is reserved for authors of the calibre of Rowling only but what the heck,excuse maarne mein kya jaata hai)

This blog is about R-fest,named Thomso( I think if there was one thing that had to be named after the founder,this fest has been rightly named after the guy).
Again I refer to my previous blogs and say that as much as i now hate D fest(note the poetic justice in the line),i love R fest.

Apart from the usual twinkle in the eyes of the horny residents of the campus due to the huge turnout of the fairer sex,the fest provides ample oppurtunities to let ur hair down(guys look forward to oppurtunities to let their pants down too!!!!).
Since this is my blog,i wont provide a detour of thomso,ill just say what happened to me in the fest.

I was basically involved(read:working my ass off) in two things:Litsec events and Accomodation cell.
The former turned out to be quite a pleasant surprise as the events organised by the geeks of the insti saw participation in huge numbers.The point in case being the fact that my MMS(not the DPS,RKP mms u morons,MMS means movies music sports)quiz saw such participation which even other "cooler" sections couldnt boast of.
The latter turned out be the most thankless job i have ever done,although it felt nice when a participant offered me to come to his birthday bash and have drinks(i'm still looking forward to that one!!!!)and it of course felt nice when people said "Nice job!!!!"

The readers might notice im not in my usual PJ mood(the PJ's have btw become a worldwide benchmark as far as blogs are concerned),well thts partially because im writing this blog at the behest of someone and partially because this Thomso wasnt that whacky as last year's when i had been rejected like 10 times for the blind date event.Come to think of it,there's actually no point asking a girl to on a blind date contest with u:u HAVE to dump her once u are IN the event.

Of course the whackiness kicked in during the concerts where i managed to make Jaini STAND on my shoulders and he made a video of the whole concert crowd(there's a 10 second portion which focusses only on some immensely well endowed entity's assests!!!!).As a result i had to sleep with a crappe bandage around my neck.......

I'd like to conclude on the same monotonous and boring note as this blog,that this was probably the only four days where we got to see "greenery" on the campus and here's sincerely hoping that the Spice Girls make next year's R-fest as a part of their Asia tour itenary................

Saturday, October 13, 2007

THE REASON IS?

Lately, i have had my first addiction,but wait nobody breathe a sigh of relief,i'm not gonna die of cocaine or charas,the addiction is the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank.
"The Reason"s that led to my screwing the second test series.Faithful(and probabaly,by now,in coma due to excessive laughter after reading my blogs)readers will recall my unique way of recounting the way things go in my examinations.
So here i go again:

Maths:
Last time it was LaPlace,this time around it was Mr.Fourier who had got his dick stuck in the fly(for the non abusive junta the thing i m recounting happens when men get their "u know whats" stuck in the zip of their pants).And somehow that had spurred him on to invent some hideous calculations,which we were supposed to study.
As usual(rather, as always)I had come to know the syllabus barely a day before the exam,so my chances of .......well,let me just say,I had just found "a reason" to pray to Goddess Saraswati,so that i dont lay an egg(literally)in the exam.
Needless to say, the paper went as always,with me sleeping for around 15 mins in the middle of the paper and then the unusual happened!!!
It turns out that my preparations for the battle were so low that i couldnt even "taapo" correctly the "baaju waale ki sheet" and now since Mohit(its a clause in my contract with Blogger to use his name at least once in a derogatory manner in each of the blogs)has so sweetly(sweet doesnt sound derogatory enuf),rather,hornily come up to me and asked to watch "Dil ,dosti etc" with him,i have found "THE REASON" to terminate this blog.

all i'll say is:
Ive found a reason for meeeeeeeee
To change who i used to beeeeeee
A reason to start over neuuuuuuuu
and the reason is chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.............

Monday, October 8, 2007

Le Tutorials!!!!

Its 3:37pm as i write this blog.
Today two tutorial classes were to be held from 2 to 4 pm(not tht they werent held or anything like that but ull appreciate the subtleties of my writing "were to be",once u have read the complete blog.).

2:05 p.m.:Me and Vikalp enter the classroom completely at sea regarding what we have to do for another hour of the class.
2:10:We get to know we have to submit Tutorial no.7(mind u,this knowledge was garnered after much "pooch taach" as most of the other people too turned out to be ignorant souls like us.).
2:15:It comes to the notice of our highly timid brains that Vipul and Vidit have completed the tut(we may give the ghissues highly innovative abuses,but like a good food chain,they have their uses,or rather,only their copies have uses).
2:16:Vipul is whistled at and as he turns around he is asked for his notebook,which by now has assumed the status which even THE BIBLE cant boast of.
2:17:Fifteen students(who just two years previously were themselves the toppers of their respective schools and might have deemed the following scenario "impossible")are copying word to word from one notebook!!!!!
2:30:All the copycat stuff has been done and I go to the professor for geting it checked(i present as straight a face possible).The guy falls for it(why wudnt he,I have had solid 18 months experience in this field!!!).
2:32:I am out of the class still completely at sea as to what i have done during the previous half an hour!!!!


20 minutes are passed at the Library( we go there coz its AC'd)and nescafe(we go there to check out some girls that turn up) laughing and making merry about the forgone class!!!!


3:05:We again enter the class complely at sea(its maths so ill say we WERE at the sea of tranquility( for those who dont get the pj,the abovesaid sea is on the moon)rather)
3:10:We joke along quite a lot with the "teacher" so a shout erupts "SIRRRRRRR!!!!!CHOD DOO!!!!!!"
3:15:We leave the class leaving behind Vipul and Vidit discussing "How long was Fourier's dick?" with the teacher!!!!


So if u havent dozed off to doom already while reading this,i'll just say:

TUTORIALS ARE EDUCATIVE!!!!!!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

A TYPICAL IITian

I have been trying to make some sense out of the classnotes' copy of one of my batchmates for the past two hours with the only outcome being that I have decided to vent my desperation on this portal.The subject,by the way, is Kinematics of Machines,so folks if I am found dead u know who is the culprit.Just like that!!!!!!!
So any of of u,who are expecting another one of my "humorous"blogs(I sincerely hope u find my blogs funny,and if u dont,plzzzz consult a doctor.),ure out of luck today folks!!!Today i m as senti as neone can possibly get.
P.s.-Like the gpa system of the iit's this senti scale is relative so i still cud appear mad to people who dont hail from R-land!!!!


Two years of solid preparation for only one exam might render even Shahrukh Khan charmless and dim-witted,let alone mortal souls like us.So there's bound to be some of that world famous "nerdness" in us.But this part only rests with us till we reach our respective colleges(though it remains with the ghissues for the rest of their lives).


What happens to a typical IITian is this:
Some of the values inculcated here are terrorists and counter terorrists can never be friends(except of course,when I m playing the chutiyaap strike).tutorials are not meant to be done,they are to be used to make paperplanes(paper is to be used properly u see).Attendence has to be kept above 75%(aage chalke yeh shayad professional life mein kaam aaye)either by hook or(most probabaly)by crook,so proxies are the norm of the day.Girls are rare so each girl sighted by neone has to discussed as lewdly as possible(without ne emotions involved)with all the friends(and sometimes strangers too!!!!).

Some of the ususal scenes here are:
People brushing and exercising their bowels at the same time.Not bathing for weeks at a time as a result of which the deo sales of the markets hit the skies and rusty bathroom taps.25 people in the class,yet the attendance register might show 50 had turned up(and yeah all25 had woken up only during the attendance).Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen.Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen.Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen.Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen...........

And after 4 years( i think after Five point someone and reading this blog u get the picture of iits)of the abovesaid activities,i doubt neone wud be deemed as "normal"!!!!
So on this senti note,I bid adieu.

P.s.-Again i want to say,this senti mood was a slight hiccup in my nervous system brought about by seeing excessive number of numbers in a particular copy,so i wud be in my normal(some might still call it funny)mood tomorrow!!!!!!!

Friday, October 5, 2007

There's an athelete in all of us.

Those were the days!!!When I was one of the select few topping the class,girls came to me to solve their queries,albeit non romantic ones(not that now i solve romantic ones either),teachers "wanted" my opinions,blah...blah....
Unfortunately that was also the time when I didnt play nething for some days and my weight increased exponentially to near a quintal or so.And bang!!!During the middle of that big bang of my own came the physical examination practical...I only had to endure a 100m race.......but even that seemed a mammoth task to my mammoth of a body and after running 50m or so i shouted"Phat gayi!!!!Phat gayi!!!!",needless to say i came last but not before i had made all the front runners lose a couple of seconds after they had doubled up with laughter!!!!
(this event has gone down in the school legends)

Fast forward one and a half years....

These are the days,I m one of the select few of the backbenchers,there ARE no girls so leave them aside and the professors,well, they sometimes "want" my opinion on whether i was sleeping or copying a tutorial on "THAT LAST SEAT"?

Fortunately,these are also the days when i play a whole range of sports(my friends here will confirm the fact that if versatility is wht u want i am ur man!!!) and my weight(with much help from the RJB mess)has reduced to half a quintal or thereabouts.
Also,I have started taking my physical fitness quite seriously (I ran 5kms just bfore i had to leave for "the fest that cannot be attended")and after i told this to my frnds who had witnessed that graceful event of "Phat gayi!!!!!",they said:"Yaar!!!The old Sushant was more hilarious".

So today there was this Athletic meet for the college,i m more into sports than athletics,but decided to participate newaz in some races and stuff.
First event:800m race
I fell within the first 10m(I'd like to think it was a conspiracy on the competitors' part who THOUGHT i cud win the race)and any professional athelete will tell u how hard it is to get up once u fall down(and even harder when u have not eaten ur breakfast and woken up just 15 mins bfore the race).So I came last(actually joint last when one of my basketball teammates took pity on me and joined me).

Next event:100m race
Arjun("bakch*d",joint secy of basketball):I think the basketball team shud have its separate heat.We run so slowly such that even if others TRY they wont be able to run that slow!!!
Myself:Yeah why not!!!We'll call it the Bakch*d heat!!!

So the participants of the bakch*d heat lined up.
Pratap:No matter what happens,we'll all run together!!!!
Chorus:Fine

The race starts and Pratap is left behind.
After we have run around 70m or so,a shout comes from behind(it was more of a scream actually):Bastards!!!Left me behind

I was instantly reminded of my memorable school days after listening to this plea of help.


And now I can only give myself solace from Aunt May's words:There's an athelete in all of us!!!!!

RONE-DE-TU

So finally after reading Della's blog ,i am filled with enuf inspiration to write about the "fest that cannot be attended"(actually it cant be named either properly,the guys in "R-land" call it ,well never mind,there's enuf profainety in my blogs already).

So me,haddu and the bubba man(further referred to as b-man) boarded the quite good looking bus(we iitians go for lokks everywhere) to THE capital(of hot chicks).The bus ride went fine for me,well i was listening to Eminem and Shinoda all along and i think i have become quite adept at rapping(there are two p's in the word,mind that),and i think the fellow passengers were acknowledging that fact by passing me glances!!!!

We had missed two initial days of that "fest" which satisfies most of the "R-Land's" fetish.So we finaaly reached there when the "rock" show was going on.
Well, i think the audience had taken the word quite seriously and they WERE sitting like a rock(there was CLAPPING for chrissakes in the show).......and only when Decibel(pronounced as decimal by the comperer)performed ,some heads swung into action and as a result of tht action my neck has been out of action ever since.


Again true to the spirit of Litsec,i cud only "see" the maals on show!!!!Even that turned boring after sometime and i think the highlight just before we left THE capital(of overhyped chicks) was that India defeated Australia and we were again defeated by the compelling forces of the dark side.....

p.s. As i write,Abhay tells me to keep the blog short so here i find myself an ideal excuse to CUT IT OUT!!!!
p.s. the brecket buttons on my keyboard have been ambushed after their usage on this blog!!!!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

JEEV MILKHA SING MEETS ALFRED NOBEL MEETS MOTHER TERESA!!!!MEETING ORGANISED BY IIChe,IIT ROORKEE

THE DAY AS U WILL SEE TURNED OUT BE THE MOST BAKCH*D DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!





5:45p.m.:Sunki(the bulk and the original NAGESWARAN as we will see):The IIChe is organising this interdepartmental quiz in the Bose Audi at 6 .I ,u and Naman will be a team.
Myself(stifling a titanic yawn after 4 hrs of straight sleep):Hokay!!!!


Bose Audi:
Sunki:Those dicks are charging us 10 bucks per team for registration!!!!
Myself(in my usual monotonous tone):Bhen ke ****,khaane ke liye yahi bahana mila tha saalon ko!!!!
Incoming call from prateek:I cant find neone from Production engineering for the quiz,damnit.
Myself:Take neone,sit with us we'll apply shareware programme and get u through!!!!
(eventually he brings Gholap and a faccha,who in my mind are the worst possible choices)


First round was the typical chaotic round where my and prateek's team literally exchanged sheets and we qualified for the second round.
The highlight of this round was the time when i showed my humility by asking prateek:TUMHARA bhi ho gaya?


20 teams qualified for the second which was an audiovisual round,the best lot of the questions were highly enlightening to say the least as we got to know that apart fron human beings,the fakako is an animal(bird)which isnt extinct!!!

OH AND YEAH I FORGOT DURING THE MEANTIME WE HAD GOTTEN USED TO KICKING SUNKI'S "SCULPTED" BUTT, SO WE STARTED CALLING OUR TEAM "THE NAGESWARANS-NEMESIS OF THE SIMPSONS"
p.s.-this joke isnt half as funny when written down!!!!!

and yeah does neone of u know that a president of THE STATES had installed an electric horse in the white house?(i joked tht it was rather for some extra curricular fun for all future presidents until Bill Clinton fell for Ms.Lewinsky)
bad u say?tell me about it!!!i was having a stomachache from laughing at this point!!!!


Final round,the ultimate chutiy**p:

First prize:1000 cash
Second: 500 cash
third:a set of books for CAT preparation!!!!!
announced the quiz master(who looked as if he might not be able to tell u HIS name if asked at this point)!!!!


With this began the final round,and yeah Prateek's team had qualified after enduring one another lecture of mine which contained numerous qoutes from my bank of humility like,"Abe tum agar kar gaye qualify to humein to downright first de denge!!!!!"


Our team's first connect(u'll probaably kill me after reading this):connect Jeev Milkha,Alfred Nobel,some godforsaken monument,a slum area,a photo of the Pope.
Naman(deep in thought):Kya ho sakta hai?
Myself(deep in my SHALLOW thoughts):The word , I think ,we are looking for here is motherf**ker!!!!
The Nageswarans split up laughing

Eventually the answer was announced as Mother Teresa.
Myself to myself:Atleast the MOTHER part was right!!!!




Turns out the following things had conspired:
Jeev Milkha had won SOME award tht Mother Teresa had won.(It definitely wasnt the award for performing the most bakch*di,that HAS to go to IIChe)
Nobel for the nobel prize
The "godforsaken" monument was actually her birthplace.
Pope for her cannonization events.
slums for her work(and eventually where IIChe is heading)


Another eventful thing that happened was some of my fellow litsec members didnt know who had directed the godfather trilogy!!!They answered Tarantino for chrissakes.........
I think starting tomorrow they are gonna be treated as outcasts in the section!!!


so some googol tantrums and googol abusive words later and yeah a googol"F**K!!!"s later the quiz ended and Surprisingly Prateek's team finished third and we finished fourth!!!! "GOD!!!WHERE ART THOU?"

Naman i think has gone into permanent shock and keeps saying:Humara kat gaya!!Humara kat gaya!!

p.s.:IIChe is NOT a work of fiction,all characters involved in the above episode are hereby deemed mentally unfit for ne further human contact!!!!