For Argument's Sake!

There are good movies, there are bad movies and then there is “Thank You For Smoking”. An advantage of being a far-sighted (figuratively here, otherwise I am a myopic with slight cylindrical issues in my left eye) person is that you can load up your comp with movies and whatnot      and pass your days peacefully at home when you are not gorging on Mom-made bhelpuri or irritating the crap out of your younger brother for funzies.

Okay so I know this isn’t the best movie ever made (this going out to those who HAVE seen it, otherwise I reckon more than half of you haven’t.). The reason I chose to dedicate this piece of writing exclusively to one movie is I think one that can be attributed to subtleties of being a weirdo (“Litta” in college lingo).

Anywhoo…..the point about this movie that struck a chord with me was- “if you argue properly, you will never be wrong”. The protagonist is a guy who is a spokesperson for a tobacco firm and during the first 5 minutes of introduction he says “I don’t have a law or an arts degree, you can say I have a bachelor’s in ‘kick ass and taking names’.” 

Of course worth mentioning here is a point raised by Agent M (NOT Judi Dench, M here refers to an agent of the Morons- a secret society whose reach is beyond the scope of your wildest imaginations-who is albeit, every bit a female as Madam Dench) that “its not wrong to get married at the age of 21, you get married when you get true love”. Now, in my opinion no matter how well you argue that point, people (and here by “people” I mean those who have their IQ’s greater than or equal to zero) will always refer to you as insane.

On a more serious note (Yes! The previous whole paragraph was a joke.) I’ll say that the startling bit about the movie was how easily it gave out its message that nothing is right in the absolute sense of the term. (Making Winston Smith say “5 fingers” instead of “4” in comes to mind.) You know, when they colloquially say “big brother” and things related to that, what we don’t realise is that we are our own big brothers. Yeah I know, probably Bapu Asaram saying “Sab Mithya Hai!”, makes more sense to you but this is ME (with a bigger M) writing. So once again I dive into my bag of quotes and present to you this conversation:

Father: Okay suppose I were to say chocolate is the best flavour of ice-cream. What would you say to that?

Son: I’d say vanilla is the best flavour.

Father: Yeah, but just saying it doesn’t make you right.

Son: Of course it doesn’t!

Father: So if you were given a choice you would only eat vanilla and nothing else right?

Son: Yes…..

Father:  But I’m asking more than that, you see I want more. Which means I want liberty and a freedom of choice.

Son: But I wasn’t talking about that.

Father: But I am and see! I am “right”.

Son: NO!

Father: Yes, I am. I just proved you “wrong”….that automatically makes me right!

 

P.s.: I think they ought to give Christopher Nolan the status of “GOD”. (Just an afterthought after seeing “The Dark Knight”.) 

Waity Issue?

Undoubtedly one of the best things about being an avid Times of India follower is the once a week treat you get in the form of “Jugular Vein” by Jug Suraiya. The guy is probably the best satire writer I have come across and that’s like Bjorn Borg saying “The guy is probably the best tennis player I’ve come across!” (Yeah, I know you cannot compare me with Bjorn Borg, but c’mmon its not my fault if I am better looking than him!)

The latest “article” that he wrote focussed on nicknames and how they seem to be successful in bringing about the best in workplaces.(…..wonder it helped Beckham when they called him “goldenballs” where the ‘balls’ weren’t of the footballing kind!)

More about that later. Of course nicknames which are highly comic like those among the Moronic ilk will be discussed to improve the TRP of my blog.

One of the best issues I think he tackled was (to put it in layman terms) “lack of reading habit among the young generation”. (My younger brother screaming."Bhaiya! Aaj dekhkar bataiyo Delhi Times mein ki kaun kaunsi movies hain TV par!” comes to mind.) I think what he was referring to was the whole noveau culture at large but the part about the new literary habits was what struck me the most.

One of the most striking points about today’s younger generation (and here by young I mean below the age of 40) is the dearth of literature following. Part of the reason of me saying that is that I don’t count FPS, One night at call centre et al (not to mention “Anything for you ma’am-A (despo) IITian’s Love Story”) as literature. I think if the book sales of the last two years are looked at, these three would have surely had a market share of 75% at least.

I’m pretty sure by now, most of you would have labelled me a “Preachy Grandpa!” Well, mostly because reading is one thing I do most of the times (apart from when I’m not watching soccer, browsing wikipedia, following basketball, playing something, following F1 and of course gawking at Nicole Kidman wallpapers!) this is one issue I think I can go on and on about forever.

So again I end up writing a blog that would have made no sense to the junta in general at all. I’d like to quote from the inspiring prose: “The Gen Y thinks of reading as an art of identifying 26 letters (48 in case of hindi) which was prevalent among the ancestors when they were trying to distinguish themselves from monkeys!”

That’s my blog today!

And as the young ones would say: BRB!

WISE AND OTHERWISE?

The title represents many things apart from the fact that it is a blatant copy of a book’s by Sudha Murty. The book is not a great literary masterpiece, not by a long shot. But the title seems apt to describe what has been seen during the last few days.

There is no better way to see the wide sociological and regional variety of India than by having sojourns on trains. Mrs. Murty so rightly points out in one prose: The chance of a conversation ensuing between fellow passengers is inversely proportional to the price of the journey ticket.

So, on one hand where you can find people discussing issues ranging from the “good old” politics to (comparatively new) laptop models whilst you observe them standing in the aisle, you can be pretty sure that while you are travelling four hours on a flight, you might go the distance without uttering as much a common courtesy to your fellow traveller.

It was during one of my recent train excursions that I had a chance to meet a “shayar”. One talk led to another and he quipped how being a shayar had lost its old charm in front of the recent generation of head bangers and hip-hoppers. (A hidden dig at me seeing that I was wearing my Linkin Park tee that time.) I countered saying you can’t blame the young generation per se, some things happen in a flow. Everything has a cycle and so on…. (not mind throbbing explanations, I know).  The fellow seemed to be amicable and politely recounted some of his experiences to me in addition to treating me with some of his verses. I made a mental note to get some of the ghazal cd’s and casettes that are biting the dust at home since dad stopped listening to them.

Fast forward to yesterday and me and fellow Morons were at the Ravindra canteen (our own version of the Maclaren’s) gorging on paneer (a heavenly abode considering Wednesdays see our messes providing food even Scooby Doo might not like). As you  know the talk among a bunch of male grads goes like this: Girls- Grades- Girls- Softwares- Girls…..(Anatomy at work, Freud must have said!). My thoughts drifted to and fro from my recent experiences out of R-land.

Dawning on me was the thought that the three days out of the insti had hardly changed my opinions a lot and sure enough when I found myself trashing Mohit for listening to “some dumb senti song”, I had found a physical proof!

 

p.s.: Seems poetic justice then that Holland with all its flair lost to the gritty Russians!

p.p.s: The blog is probably my crappiest ever, I know…..to vent out your frustration contact Piyush Gulati!

p.p.p.s (Only for Piyush Gulati): Are you really this jobless?

p.p.p.p.s: This “p.p.p.p….s” has really become an “in” thing!

Get Real.

The Euro is proving everyone wrong. For all those who say the European art of playing the beautiful game is too physical, I have just two words: “Up Yours!”. If the first three days are anything to go by, most of the big guns have done predictably with the player extraordinaire Ronaldo starting from where he left off. My prediction: I think this year is going be orange with The Netherlands going the distance.

I could bore to death the non-footballing junta but my blog is painful to deal with as it is so I think I’ll shift to more mundane areas.

We always ponder upon the thought that how can something make sense to anybody when it seems like horsepuke to us. (The s-word avoided due to obvious reasons. I am popular with the kids you see!) To some it is football too, I accept. (Poor deluded souls!) To some it is Scrubs. (Poorer deluded souls!) But for me it has to be the “reality” shows.

Unfortunately, I had to endure my way through half an hour of one of them when I went to watch the opening match of Euro-08. The show was called “Jo Jeeta Wahi Superstar” hosted by Miss Mandira (noodle strap) Bedi. The astute analyst that yours truly is, he compiled the following points that seem to be followed akin to the Holy Bible by the “reality” shows. Here’s your 7-way guide to make a superhit “reality” show:

1) Get a hot chick to host the show. (Sorry kids, you had to grow up some day!)

2) Get a couple of celebrity judges even if they know as much about the skill involved as Paris Hilton does about the concept of privacy. (BeeTeeW , her latest comment to the paparazzi: I’m no dumb blonde!)

3) Pick up a couple of hundred jobless souls to make an audience in the studio.

4) Make them dance even if it is a contest of classical singing.

5) Get the judges to make some “shocking” comments and back it up with the “shocking” background music.

6) Give a tonne of glycerine to everyone involved (including the audience) except the losing contestant, so that everyone is crying except the one who loses or is k.o.-ed!

7) Don’t forget to make the judges dance at the end of the episode to a hit number. That increases the PR quotient.

and Voila! You have your own hit “reality” show.

 

p.s. Its so much fun to type ““reality””.

Destiny, thy name is Anaheim!

There are very few lines which can be said to be classic and sureshot conversation starters. Much to my chagrin, “Don’t you agree Man Utd play like Gods?” doesn’t work everywhere, especially with the ladies! But one thing that is sure to make everyone speak their guts out (and according to the “awesome” Barney,especially ladies!), is the question whether or not he/she believes in destiny or “superstition” in general.

Now, I’m aware every Tom, Dick and Harry has commented upon the matter like a walk in the park so I won’t take any sides. (Its mostly because my blog has so little readership as it is and making half of them go away isn’t exactly what would be deemed intelligent!)

Also unlike most other topics, this seems to be one which isn’t bounded by age(unless you are below 5!), sex, region or religion. In context of our dear country, it is a concept imbibed in the very thread of our survival. If some people have it their way, everything right from the moment of birth to death is done according to the positions of stars. They say that the profession of astrology is the second oldest in the world. ( The knowledgeable might know which the oldest.) Fast forward to the present and the latest astrologers are a bunch of trendy dressed- make up put on (in case of males too!)-english to shame Shakespeare- metrosexuals who seem make seem their job as glamorous as that of a Victoria’s Secret fashion model!

Unfortunately, living a hostel life renders you ignorant about what is going in the world outside your insti. Last seen, Mr. Bejaan (haha!) Daruwala (haha!) was advising Ganguly what colour of shirt to wear on Wednesdays. “Maa” Prem Vitambara is a regular on cricket shows drawing up tarot cards and predicting “scientifically” who will perform well and who will draw a dud. This brings me to the second part of my (astute?) observation.

The TV channels won’t as much show a bird puking if they think it won’t raise their ratings. It just goes to show the belief of a nation at large when they sit up and take notice of such things and attach (some call it “undue” too) importance to it and even if they are proven wrong just after a couple of hours, that doesn’t stop them from “believing” the very next day.

I first used to blame the media for all the hullabaloo. ( I think you have pretty much made out where my preferences lie as far as this debate is concerned.) The case in point being the national turmoil caused by the murder of a certain Miss. Arushi Talwar. Just spare a thought for the family. They are being treated as a bunch of orangutans in a zoo! If America had Watergate, India had Bofors then the Indian public has Arushi Talwar. But later I realised, the media only feeds the hungry. They show what the people WANT to see. They wouldn’t survive longer than a rabbit among lions without that.

Okay, I see it. The conversation has drifted from the original topic. But I think I have made my point clear.

So once again, was it destiny that John Terry slipped (haha!) and handed Man Utd the crown?

I’d rather not find the answer!

 

p.s.-The title is a reference to a highly comical dialogue by Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory!

 

 

The Bro Code Worketh?

Ah well it finally feels nice to be back on familiar grounds and write a narrative blog!

Kids, I have lately taken a fetish towards How I Met Your Mother and this is another story:

The occasion was allotment of rooms for the next “academic” year. The Morons sat down (yes, the whole bunch of ‘em!) so as to decide where and which rooms to take in the hostel. What followed was an epic jismein action tha, drama tha, emotion tha aur comedy ke liye Sushi tha!

Now being a Moron comes with a legacy. Nothing and I mean nothing can be done without putting more than the maximum effort required. To add to it all…..this was one topic where the Morons actually decided to apply their brains (or whatever little they have). The Morons were mainly divided into the following warring tribes: 

1) Hum saath saath hain: This group belonged to the school of thought which might have made Gandhiji proud. Their sole statement used to be: Either we take rooms all together or we stay right where we are!

 2) Inverse vertigo: These people (being the Morons that they are) had a fear of ground floor (hence the name, inverse vertigo) and were as against taking rooms on the ground floor as Pallavi was against Parvati in Kahanii Ghar Ghar Kii!

 3) Privacy Party: Okay some background here. Facing our hostel is the girls’ hostel. (trust me, it isn’t as cool as it sounds). So there is a stipulation that in that wing facing the girls’ hostel no boy is allowed to move the old “topless” style. Of course, the others countered that such a rule doesn’t necessarily be followed (like all other college “rules”). It was then that they came up with their point which led to their nomenclature: But we don’t want to move around like that in front of girls!

C’mon bozos….Courage, the cowardly dog has more guts!

 4) We want a Penthouse: Relax! Not the magazine folks. This group included yours truly so definitely it was the most sensible of the lot (its my blog afterall). All we wanted was a balcony attached to our rooms. The primary reason being we didn’t have one during this year. Fair enough right!

 BeeTeeW: Mohit (expectedly) was in the Privacy Party.

 Following was the conversation that occurred. People wont be named, rather they would be identified by the first letter of their respective ideologies.

H: I think, we should all take the rooms together no matter where we take them!

P: yeah okay, but first wing is out of question….we have our dignity at stake!

W: All fine but we need a balcony folks and first wing is the only available one which has balconies.

I: Yeah but we don’t want the ground floor….its dangerous with all snakes and what not (they were probably referring to the Loch Ness monster) showing up!

 Some enlightened soul: Guys, if we want all of these, we would never get any rooms.

 H: Shut the f**k up, I think, we should all take the rooms together no matter where we take them!

I: Hey man, its each man for himself and you want to get bitten by a snake ( I think he meant the anaconda from the movie) be my guest!

H: Yeah, you be my guest and you can (expletives meaning eating something unpleasant)….

W: Let’s be rational here and just take the rooms with the balcony….

 Now kids, I can go on and on about this carousing on rooms but I know you have better things to do. ( I am so selfless!)

The story ended when we received a notification that we wouldnt be allowed to take part in the allotment process because we hadn’t sent any application requesting for the same! Talk about your gigantic time wasters and that’s when I decided:

 When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead!

From Roorkee With Love!

Manchester United are the champions of Europe. Period.
Now, I wont try to take anything away from the glory of the moment by writing about it! You had to be there, otherwise you missed it!
The title might give you an idea as to what the blog is about and it is more than just a spoof of a Bond movie!
Studying in a college like IIT (yeah I know, I’ve said it many times) doesn’t give you that much pleasure in observing the budding love lives, the start ups and the break ups, the ditches et al, as you would get in any other “normal” college. (As kids, don’t we build up the image of college as where there would definitely start a love life?)
Well, but students try to make as much headway as possible, so we have a section in the college magazine where a certain “popular” guy or a girl is asked, what was his/her first crush on campus. When it comes to boys, you only get to see names of two or three girls coming up. (Can I get a Hallelujah!) The same names are repeated week in week out. The variety is more when the girls are asked. (Hardly a surprise!)
Now and then, I come across souls who talk to me about their love life and I think that section of people will henceforth stop talking to me. Its not that bad either. After they have that conversation where there are a hundred times more questions than answers, the most repeated one being, “Samajh mein nahin aa raha mai kya karun!”, I usually give an aphorism of such perverted level that they don’t ever have that conversation with me again.
Thinking about it brings the famous quote that Merlyn was told in “Fools Die”: “Its all about c***!” (These were the parting words of a famous author portrayed in the novel!)
I know it was short but I think the last part did pack a punch!