Catch Phrases

And they never cease to disappoint us. The Devils were at it again! The victory over Spurs should now silence the Scousers once and for all about whatever pretences they had towards the Crown of British Football.
Keeping the jovial in mind and after a long long time, I’ll write again on matters pertaining to my life at R. Without any further ado or pretences of my own I present to you, the list of 10 most awesome notices as put up on Bhawan notice boards and duly taken note of by the author. Sit back and enjoy:

1)Notice banning playing football in a hostel:
Intimates of Ravindra Bhawan are advised to not to play footwall inside the bhawan.-Undersigned by the Warden! (Tactful you think?)

2)Notice warning against theft threats:
Thief is all around you! You have given full authority to check any suspense person you find who has stolen something. You can lock them in bathroom too. Any person found suspensely moving in any corridor can be checked. Your safety is in your hands. (WTF??)

3)Notice asking for some sanity in the bathrooms (Pasted on a bathroom door):
This is bathroom! Behave as literate as you are.

4)Notice regarding PDA:
Couples have been spotted in compromising positions at certain locations in CBRI campus. Henceforth, anyone found moving suspiciously will be punished severely.- The orientation of “couples” was never revealed.

5)Fake death of Chief Warden:
A photo of the warden with phool ki maala around his neck is found one morning, a day before the TS. It is with immense sorrow that we announce the death of Dr. XXX. To solemnly mark the occasion, the test series have been postponed indefinitely.-Black humour.

6)Inter Bhawan Sports:
An inter bhawan “Poshampa Bhai Poshampa” tournament will be organised in front of the main building on the given dates. Interested candidates need not apply.

7)Mess Utensils:
Mess ke bartan jiske paas bhi hon,kripya jaldi se jaldi wapas kar dijiye………and so callously written below it is……”hain. Par nahin doonga!”

8)Vouge Auditions:
Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes?- Vogue auditions!!
I fell for this!!

9) Pendrive lost:
I lost 4gb pendrive in library. I anyone found it, give it to me. My name is return on it.-contacts followed.

10)Prospective Mess Secretary:
Bored of stale food? Don’t worry, I will provide amlete in mess everyday and sweat will be given to you everyday! Vote for me……


P.S.:Lack of photographic evidence shouldn’t be translated to lack of authenticity.

You'll Never Wank Alone!

Okay Agreed! I have spent way too much time going down south on people’s blogroll lists. All for good reason, I told myself. For indeed I had opened this MS Word “New Document” a few times only to be struck again by the thought of this just not being one of those blogging days. Lefty claims blogging gets to you and you start yearning for it. I am not there yet and one of the main reasons I can actually blog is because I see things worth writing about, not that I am even a trifle of a good writer.

Anyways, two weeks in R-land, with nothing much to boot and the TS’s approaching (they are going on!), you cannot help but get a gloomy look to yourself. Just how many people have commented “Sushi seems quiet today!”, I have lost the count of them.

Enter, Barclays Premier League. Yeah, you know what I’ll go on and on and on about. Scouse bastards had only yesterday overtaken us at the top of the table with another of their cheap “triple deflected onto the path of Stevie Me, who tries to pass it on to Fernando “frigging baster who actually believes Fat Spanish Waiter is his dad” Torres, only for the pass to be triple deflected onto Yossi “the wannabe Stevie Me” Benayoun’s path who calmly closes his eyes, and tries to hit the ball towards his own goal but the ball goes into the other one” goals in injury time.

Anywhoo…..even a hardcore fan like me thought “Another fucking goal in injury time…Man they are doing what we did in that season. This could be their year.” Fergie aka God had said his first line as Manchester United’s manager back in 1986: I want to knock Liverpool off their fucking perch.

That being half done, all he has to do now is win another Premier league title and Manchester United will officially become the greatest club in England.

Today we witnessed how he will do it. The match was against Aston Villa. The venue: Theatre of Dreams. It’s 81 minutes into the match and we are trailing 2-1. If it continues this way, we would have succumbed to a third straight defeat for the first time in more than 8 years.

“Kya ghusa pada hai aaj to buri tarike se! Ek bhi dhang ka chance nahin second half mein!”, comments the Bihari Potter. Asif in reply, the man of the moment, Christiano Ronaldo conjures a magic left footer beating the keeper to the far post and we are level.

2-2 it is after we had synced our celebrations to those happening at the Stretford End. Still, if it stays this way we fail to go top of the league. Fergie, again aka God, throws in a complete rookie, Macheda, who fresh from his hat-trick for the reserves makes his first appearance for the senior side.

All but 17 years of age, with that look of boyhood still on him, he comes on and immediately makes an impact with a penetrating run. The clock says 90 minutes are over with us chering to the sign of “5 Minutes for injury time”. The more, the merrier.

We simply had to win this one. This one gone and we would have done a Newcastle and Kevin “luv it” Keegan.

93^rd minute: Giggsy gives the ball to Macheda.

Italics represent feelings. Feelings, which, in those split seconds are so large they can take minutes to say word for word. You practically have the whole season right infront of your eyes imagining it, pass by pass!

No one in front of him, he’ll have to go solo. Fat chance of anything worth happening.

Macheda takes a first touch to create a yard of space. Wrongfoots the defender.

Oh my God! He’s taking a shot…

It’s a curler, goes past the hapless Freidel.

Holy shit! Its going in….this cannot be possible!

……..and it went in.

P.S.: My first lame attempt at an enigmatic ending.

P.P.S: Dela and Prondu, "Hard luck fellows!" To go to Bombay and give a non "kela khao" performance is noteworthy enough.