“Aren’t the DSE guys supposed to be a bunch of moronic geeks?”
“Isnt it the same college that associates itself with the likes of Amartya Sen and Manmohan Singh?”
The aforementioned were only some of the queries that came to mind when it was informed that there was to be a team building session between IITR and DSE. The event was supposed to take place in R-land and everyone seemed to be working towards it with a passion that would surely have outdone the passion that Miss Hilton has for videotapes. More about “Miss Hilton” later. I, personally, was given the seemingly easy task of organising the team building activities. But then again I suppose, I ought to write more about the visiting college seeing that many of them would be reading my otherwise very unread blog now. (I thank the self proclaimed “pig”, Akshay Wahal for revealing the highly grotesque details of my blogsite.)
The event kicked off with the intros of every DSE student. Again the stage was being anchored by the “pig” so some unfortunate souls were asked out and one really hapless one was compared to Miss Hilton.( The “pig” gave some pathetic pj reason behind that, that had to do something with Miss Hilton owning hotels and stuff.) Their “LORD OF THE GEEKS”,(their equivalent of our very own Mathew Kurien) was trashed a lot (asif the geeks arent trashed everywhere!!!!). I wont give out his name, or else his geekiness might pursue him to sue me in ‘the international court of justice for the geeks’. One “poet” read out a four-liner which went a mile above my otherwise very sharp brain. Though she did, clarify the meaning with finese.
Then came our intros and they had a charm of their own, Mohit’s included calling himself a hallucinator and another guy’s included calling himself above 90 kgs.
We started the games then and the first one was pictionary. Eminent personalities included were “Herr Hitler” aka Sunny Jain, The Lord of the Geeks, Pamela Anderson and the likes. The real fun kicked in during the second game, the dumbcharades (the game which I had planned was vetoed out by the audience calling it too LitSecy……I think I now understand why the literary section is one of the most envied section in the insti.) with movies like “Peticoat mein visphot” and “Jab ghar mein ho saali to har raat diwali” being given and guessed correctly. When we were all leaving the S.N.Bose Auditorium (GOD bless his soul!!), Ritika told me we better cleanup the blackboard, which by then, had on it, the images of Pamela, Paris and many other stars that were in no way related to the physics department.
We had lunch then where I got to know many people ( the poetess and the CAT rapist included.) . After the sumptuous lunch we kicked them around our institute showing off our heritage. If not for them, I wudnt have delved into sections of library I hitherto thought didn’t exist. My relationship with library is a matter for another blog sometime else. THEN CAME THE SPORTS.
Ek bande ne shirt utaari, ek bande ne pant utaari aur teesre ne to bina kuch utaare hi humaari maarli!!!!! We, that is to say, IITR got trashed 4-1 in football. My contribution being a cross that would get the envy of Beckham, which was turned into the solitary goal that we managed to score.
I cut short the dinner on account for the fact that Herr Hitler himself had asked for a presentation next day. Anyways, day made memorable when MAN U thrashed fulham by THREE goals to nil and Arsehols only managed a DRAW. Yipee!!!!
We went rafting the next day, I for the first time swam in as fast a river. Jumped around 20 feet into the river. The more said the less about rafting.
The bus trips to and fro from Rishikesh were the most happening ones. I exhibit my singing talent to the extremely unfortunate ones who live in my hostel wing. There have been complaints registered with the warden I suppose regarding my riyaaz timings. So I didn’t enthusiastically participate in the antakshari fever that had gripped the bus. I was much more engrossed in i-tunes blasting in my ear and hear much more adept singers singing than the “singers” singing in the bus.
Fun though it might have been the whole weekend, I’d like to qoute Green Day as my parting words to all DSE members:
“Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you had the times of your lives.”
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
THE RETURN TO INNOCENCE....
My blogs are generally narratives in the truest sense of the word. Other bloggers in R-land write on a gamut of subjects but I (although I am a good quizzer and boast an awesome GK) generally abstain from writing on debatable topics and stick to describing to the happenings in my very happening life. Also my use of vaocabulary is much more down to earth(a soft way of saying I am not a walking dictionary) rather than filled with frills which Shakespeare himself might have problems fathoming.
But after having noticed the latest blog entries(my own "Bareilly ke bazaar mein..." included), one can say that "sentiyaapa" has crept in, nay, forced its way in the mind of a typical Thomsonian. Be it Lefty's "Nice guys finish last" or Dela's "Il joga bonito" and "Growing down?" emotions seem to running rather high in an otherwise chilly winter. Believe me, I can still crack jokes which have people in splits but somehow that jolly air is missing.
So its after much convincing my otherwise nympho brain that I finally sit down to write a senti blog.
Lately, (as my faithful blog readers might know) I had the chance to first hand experience the working of a full fledged, angst ridden, pathetic excuse for public service,government office. The one thing I found common in all the people that walked the rooms in that particular walk you would definitely associate with tension is that they probably were thinking about other hurdles after this one was crossed. That was it. They looked asif they had nothing to look forward in life. I had to count myself as not one of those, afterall I had a FA cup Man U - Arsenal match to look forward to.(trivial, some might say).
People go on just for the sake of going on. Even in the campus, the case is not much different, as I later realised. Its all about the same things over and over again. Kiska placement kahan lagega? or Kiska CAT clear hoga? or Kiska GRE accha jaega? During my course of two years I have met many (whom i'd rather call hapless) souls who seem to recite the aforementioned three sentences only.
Now, it seemed that FA cup match was really a thing to look forward to. Puts things into perspective , it really does. Maybe it isnt about a six figure pay packet or an MBA or whatever.....
because after a lot of introspection I found that the one person whom I most wanted to become was someone like Lefty's mom. Someone who at fifty or sixty or seventy write blogs, which would still crack up the teenagers.
But after having noticed the latest blog entries(my own "Bareilly ke bazaar mein..." included), one can say that "sentiyaapa" has crept in, nay, forced its way in the mind of a typical Thomsonian. Be it Lefty's "Nice guys finish last" or Dela's "Il joga bonito" and "Growing down?" emotions seem to running rather high in an otherwise chilly winter. Believe me, I can still crack jokes which have people in splits but somehow that jolly air is missing.
So its after much convincing my otherwise nympho brain that I finally sit down to write a senti blog.
Lately, (as my faithful blog readers might know) I had the chance to first hand experience the working of a full fledged, angst ridden, pathetic excuse for public service,government office. The one thing I found common in all the people that walked the rooms in that particular walk you would definitely associate with tension is that they probably were thinking about other hurdles after this one was crossed. That was it. They looked asif they had nothing to look forward in life. I had to count myself as not one of those, afterall I had a FA cup Man U - Arsenal match to look forward to.(trivial, some might say).
People go on just for the sake of going on. Even in the campus, the case is not much different, as I later realised. Its all about the same things over and over again. Kiska placement kahan lagega? or Kiska CAT clear hoga? or Kiska GRE accha jaega? During my course of two years I have met many (whom i'd rather call hapless) souls who seem to recite the aforementioned three sentences only.
Now, it seemed that FA cup match was really a thing to look forward to. Puts things into perspective , it really does. Maybe it isnt about a six figure pay packet or an MBA or whatever.....
because after a lot of introspection I found that the one person whom I most wanted to become was someone like Lefty's mom. Someone who at fifty or sixty or seventy write blogs, which would still crack up the teenagers.
Bareilly ke bazaar mein.........
My long hiatus due to certain, words don’t describe them, events which are to be narrated below. Please bear with me if you feel I am gettimg too technical.
There was suddenly an outburst of oppurtunities in R-land through which “students” could venture abroad. Sushi happened to come across one of them and he gladly took up the offer thinking about the country that was to be bestowed upon by the visit of inaurguably the greatest person to grace the Earth since the Laurel-Hardy duo. However the events that transpired afterwards shattered my self righteous nature. (Shattered, I think, is too weak a term, annhilated would be more appropriate.)
The first task that had to be performed was to get a passport. The previous sentence had 13 words. Well 13 was exactly how the whole thing went, extremely unlucky. Six people (who have now turned into zombies) went together to the land of madness, Bareilly to get their tatkal passport. The first real (some might call it awesome) thing that happened to us was our trip in the general comparment which has made my nose defunct I think. People were everywhere. Trust me you don’t want me to elaborate on my “everywhere”. It was a very tiring overnight journey so……….
DAY 1
No sooner had we gotten near the passport office, we were drowned in a slurry of “helpers” who according to themselves could do anything. One of them went ahead and said: Shaam tak passport aapke haath mein hoga. Paanch hazaar lagenge.
We didn’t think even once before walking away. Unfortunately being a student (family background, disregarding) doesn’t give you that much luxury financially.
The humunguosly huge passport form was filled out and just when it looked things would go smoothly, came the first bombshell. There is this document called the verification form that you need to fill out and get it attested by a high ( and by high , I mean there would be around 1000 people in the whole of India with that much authority) authority. The catch was you had to get 2 copies attested. Our over sized brains thought, 1 attested and the other its photocopy. Hearing this news, one thought simultaneously raced through our minds: We COULD jump of the roof. (We had done that much to get the verification form, you see.)
After a brainstorm, that surely would have outwitted Einstein, we got two sets of the required documents transported from Roorkee through, behold yourself, a TTE who was on a train from Haridwar to Bareilly. We meanwhile, passed the time by watching “Sunday”, a pathetic excuse for a comedy movie. I still have nightmares about the PJ’s cracked in the movie. We received our forms late in the night, where we were so politely reminded by the TTE that he was not a postman. We were very close to a tantrum. So we reminded him that by taking a hundred bucks from our friend in Haridwar, he had done exactly what a postman would do. We IITians can seriously kick ass when we need to. Later that night, I had my first anger outburst of my life when I shouted at some poor soul who kept on petchering us asto which was a good hotel. Like Ed Norton said: Babies don’t sleep this well. That’s how we slept that night
DAY 2
We reached the passport office again and did the necessary formalities. They say the main thing to do when you are getting a tatkal is convince the passport officer that you really need the passport urgently. Passport officers are civil services exam qualified and that too in the Foreign category, the toughest to clear. So they are generally, witty enough, not to be taken for rides. One of the few instances where, phatte don’t work. Inspite of our best efforts and convincing, he gave us the collection date of a week later. Lowblow. But again we werent to be outdone. We brought REAL tears to our (what we hoped would be) innocent faces and gave him the senti treatment. Result: We got the delivery dates of the next day.
We slept rather peacefully that night.
DAY 3
Again the ghosts returned to haunt us when we found out that the person who had attested our verification forms wanst high enough in power for them. We told them he was an IPS (They qualify to sign the document) but they wanted some proof of that. Just read asto what happened next.
We googled his name. We got a webpage which listed IPS officers of his batch. We got a printout of that page. Howsatt for innovation? This (much to my surprise though) convinced the officer and he gave us the go ahead. There werent now many hurdles remaining. So when the first one among us got the passport, we really got carried away and gave him bumps inside the office. Security was called to immediately get us thrown out. We treated them the 25-bucks’ style and in the end just 5 minutes before the scheduled close of the office, the last one among us got the passport.
I doubt I’ll feel this happy even if Nicole Kidman proposed me.
After a 10 hr back breaking bus journey (yeah, we didn’t have the guts to face another trip in the general compartment) we reached our cosy hostel rooms.
We really had travelled miles before we slept. And boy oh boy, we slept after that.
(Personally my woes continued as I got diarrhoea for the next 3 days. Normality it seems has been finally restored as I’m now feeling quite at ease typing this, once again, immensely long and boring post.)
There was suddenly an outburst of oppurtunities in R-land through which “students” could venture abroad. Sushi happened to come across one of them and he gladly took up the offer thinking about the country that was to be bestowed upon by the visit of inaurguably the greatest person to grace the Earth since the Laurel-Hardy duo. However the events that transpired afterwards shattered my self righteous nature. (Shattered, I think, is too weak a term, annhilated would be more appropriate.)
The first task that had to be performed was to get a passport. The previous sentence had 13 words. Well 13 was exactly how the whole thing went, extremely unlucky. Six people (who have now turned into zombies) went together to the land of madness, Bareilly to get their tatkal passport. The first real (some might call it awesome) thing that happened to us was our trip in the general comparment which has made my nose defunct I think. People were everywhere. Trust me you don’t want me to elaborate on my “everywhere”. It was a very tiring overnight journey so……….
DAY 1
No sooner had we gotten near the passport office, we were drowned in a slurry of “helpers” who according to themselves could do anything. One of them went ahead and said: Shaam tak passport aapke haath mein hoga. Paanch hazaar lagenge.
We didn’t think even once before walking away. Unfortunately being a student (family background, disregarding) doesn’t give you that much luxury financially.
The humunguosly huge passport form was filled out and just when it looked things would go smoothly, came the first bombshell. There is this document called the verification form that you need to fill out and get it attested by a high ( and by high , I mean there would be around 1000 people in the whole of India with that much authority) authority. The catch was you had to get 2 copies attested. Our over sized brains thought, 1 attested and the other its photocopy. Hearing this news, one thought simultaneously raced through our minds: We COULD jump of the roof. (We had done that much to get the verification form, you see.)
After a brainstorm, that surely would have outwitted Einstein, we got two sets of the required documents transported from Roorkee through, behold yourself, a TTE who was on a train from Haridwar to Bareilly. We meanwhile, passed the time by watching “Sunday”, a pathetic excuse for a comedy movie. I still have nightmares about the PJ’s cracked in the movie. We received our forms late in the night, where we were so politely reminded by the TTE that he was not a postman. We were very close to a tantrum. So we reminded him that by taking a hundred bucks from our friend in Haridwar, he had done exactly what a postman would do. We IITians can seriously kick ass when we need to. Later that night, I had my first anger outburst of my life when I shouted at some poor soul who kept on petchering us asto which was a good hotel. Like Ed Norton said: Babies don’t sleep this well. That’s how we slept that night
DAY 2
We reached the passport office again and did the necessary formalities. They say the main thing to do when you are getting a tatkal is convince the passport officer that you really need the passport urgently. Passport officers are civil services exam qualified and that too in the Foreign category, the toughest to clear. So they are generally, witty enough, not to be taken for rides. One of the few instances where, phatte don’t work. Inspite of our best efforts and convincing, he gave us the collection date of a week later. Lowblow. But again we werent to be outdone. We brought REAL tears to our (what we hoped would be) innocent faces and gave him the senti treatment. Result: We got the delivery dates of the next day.
We slept rather peacefully that night.
DAY 3
Again the ghosts returned to haunt us when we found out that the person who had attested our verification forms wanst high enough in power for them. We told them he was an IPS (They qualify to sign the document) but they wanted some proof of that. Just read asto what happened next.
We googled his name. We got a webpage which listed IPS officers of his batch. We got a printout of that page. Howsatt for innovation? This (much to my surprise though) convinced the officer and he gave us the go ahead. There werent now many hurdles remaining. So when the first one among us got the passport, we really got carried away and gave him bumps inside the office. Security was called to immediately get us thrown out. We treated them the 25-bucks’ style and in the end just 5 minutes before the scheduled close of the office, the last one among us got the passport.
I doubt I’ll feel this happy even if Nicole Kidman proposed me.
After a 10 hr back breaking bus journey (yeah, we didn’t have the guts to face another trip in the general compartment) we reached our cosy hostel rooms.
We really had travelled miles before we slept. And boy oh boy, we slept after that.
(Personally my woes continued as I got diarrhoea for the next 3 days. Normality it seems has been finally restored as I’m now feeling quite at ease typing this, once again, immensely long and boring post.)
Sunday, January 27, 2008
ATLAS SHRUGGED.....
"Aur Sushi jaa raha hai?"
"Haan!Usne mutthal ki cycle le li hai!"
Thus was the cacophony that woke me up the morning of the cycle race.Oh, the title of the blog is not a reference to John Galt(I still dont know who he is by the way!!),it is symbolic of a humungous problem that plagued me during whatever little stint I had as a bike racer........
The previous couple of days had gone by in a blurry with me hellbent on convincing a certain very "moody" personality to come to Delhi but in the end what transpired was total chaos......in a nutshell i might say that the sophomore LitSec guys took the world on their shoulders and finally all was quiet with even big daddy Matty decided to sleep through the biggest quiz of the year.
Call it Murphy's Law or whatever but incidentally the annual cycle race fell on the same day.I had arranged a cycle (or so I thought) in a record 2 hrs.There seemed to be a sudden shortage of cycles in a place which is otherwise teeming with them.The seemingly only problem with the cycle(apart from the fact that it was Mohit's) was that there was no air in the tyres.BAAM!A senior told me there would be a mechanic there on the starting line.......
So I took a chest number(it was 198 if anyone is interested)and waited with bated breath for the race to start.The organising team had other ideas though(I'm not sure what they were),so the race started a full 30 minutes late.As soon as the race started i knew something was wrong.Still I persisted and brought the unforgettable image of Lance Armstrong with his arms raised crossing the finish line at Le Tour de France.Alas!Even that wasnt enough to delay the inevitable.....my cycle completely broke down 3kms into the race and by completely i mean the type when you cant even sit on it!!!!
So I had to walk back 3 kms to the start line.Hoping someone might consider me first was a grave error.No soon had i started walking back that people began questioning(and by people i mean the 60 yr old folks who go the temple every morning)"Kya ho gaya?".So this was how one of the greatest mysteries of the Atlas shrugging(in my case the Atlas literally shook the earth off)was unravelled to me and somehow contrary to what I had stated earlier maybe I really do know who Galt is......
not giving the answer though.Try breaking down your cycle in front of the Ganga Canal and walk back if you want the answer!!!!
p.s.-my cycle's name was Atlas Speeder......
"Haan!Usne mutthal ki cycle le li hai!"
Thus was the cacophony that woke me up the morning of the cycle race.Oh, the title of the blog is not a reference to John Galt(I still dont know who he is by the way!!),it is symbolic of a humungous problem that plagued me during whatever little stint I had as a bike racer........
The previous couple of days had gone by in a blurry with me hellbent on convincing a certain very "moody" personality to come to Delhi but in the end what transpired was total chaos......in a nutshell i might say that the sophomore LitSec guys took the world on their shoulders and finally all was quiet with even big daddy Matty decided to sleep through the biggest quiz of the year.
Call it Murphy's Law or whatever but incidentally the annual cycle race fell on the same day.I had arranged a cycle (or so I thought) in a record 2 hrs.There seemed to be a sudden shortage of cycles in a place which is otherwise teeming with them.The seemingly only problem with the cycle(apart from the fact that it was Mohit's) was that there was no air in the tyres.BAAM!A senior told me there would be a mechanic there on the starting line.......
So I took a chest number(it was 198 if anyone is interested)and waited with bated breath for the race to start.The organising team had other ideas though(I'm not sure what they were),so the race started a full 30 minutes late.As soon as the race started i knew something was wrong.Still I persisted and brought the unforgettable image of Lance Armstrong with his arms raised crossing the finish line at Le Tour de France.Alas!Even that wasnt enough to delay the inevitable.....my cycle completely broke down 3kms into the race and by completely i mean the type when you cant even sit on it!!!!
So I had to walk back 3 kms to the start line.Hoping someone might consider me first was a grave error.No soon had i started walking back that people began questioning(and by people i mean the 60 yr old folks who go the temple every morning)"Kya ho gaya?".So this was how one of the greatest mysteries of the Atlas shrugging(in my case the Atlas literally shook the earth off)was unravelled to me and somehow contrary to what I had stated earlier maybe I really do know who Galt is......
not giving the answer though.Try breaking down your cycle in front of the Ganga Canal and walk back if you want the answer!!!!
p.s.-my cycle's name was Atlas Speeder......
Monday, January 21, 2008
About da Knowseating Fest!
Twas 1300hrs (yeah , I AM a huge 1984 fan) when Sushi left his room for attending what was supposed to be a one of its kind thing, A LITERARY FEST. Now some people might commit suicide at the idea of having to sit through six quizzes (the attendance at the LitSec events suggests this) but Sushi,Lefty,Rapko, Dela and Kaka saw only one thing (well,apart from the fact that there were prizes worth 15 lacs to be won, I mean who doesnt notice that?), the plethora of knowledge on offer.
So we set out the Reservoir Dogs style although its rickshaw version.The trip started on a highly disturbing note-we were assaulted. Well to the normal public it might not be an assault but to us it was. We were pestered by the u know who of the clapping ilk.Lucky Dela was outside the compartment when he saw what was happening to us and instead of turning into a Maddu hero he was supposed to become , he turned into a road runner and ran for his life. The rest of the trip went by with our cabin taking the form of a Roorkee bakar house.
We reached the "Sangam nagri" at 7 the next morning, apparently the MNNIT folks believe in the funda "Atithi devo bhava!" and they had opened a hospitality counter on the platform itself. Although I was hoping to find a prettier face to welcome us (they had,on the contrary,made some 6ft 5inch a quintal weighing giant of a "boy" to sit on the desk.).By the by,what sent our spirits on cloud number nine was the fact that they told us to take the tempo to girls hostel.Dela looked as if a hundred Nicole Kidmans were rolling in front of him. The joy turned out to be short lived as were to be staying at their equivalent of the Jawahar Bhawan. We dumped our stuff where we were supposed to and set out exploring the campus when at the sight to two guys Rapko went beserk.On being asked "Why the sudden hormonal outburst?".Lefty replied(quote): These were the guys who raped us last thomso. Read: These were the guys who had streamrolled the LitSec last thomso in a particular quiz. So the lions of Roorkee encountered their first of the many to come enemies.
Then came the first quiz. Myself,Kaka and Dela found it more funny than informative. The quiz masters might as well have said :BEND OVER!!!!....We got around 8 out of 30 right and didnt even make it to the main round. Lefty and Rapko did though and finished third. The "rapists" finished the winners.
Next were the auto and the corporate quizzes which were our "weak"(read:pathetic) areas.We didnt even try making it to the finals there but in the meanwhile enjoyed the Saagar Ratna outlet that was opened.
The last quiz of the day was the Grand General Quiz.IIT Roorkee kicked some really hard when all of us made it to the final round and won over the hearts of many when yours truly answered to some questions answers like KamaSutra and cervix. So on a rather happy note we went to sleep.
Rapko took up the role of System Of A Down and shouted "WAKE UP!!!" at sharp eight the next morning. I gained one important lesson:Dela is DA reincarnation of Kumbhkaran.It took approximatly 42 minutes to wake him up.....that really says everything.
So we proceeded onto to participate in the entertainment quiz which was supposed to be about entertainment but in the end turned out to be about bong and Mithun as bond movies.Although we came fourth it was in this quiz that we proved that were the funniest geeks at the fest.The team had to nominate one of the members to play the superstar round.I was selected to be the sacrifice and the quizmaster asked me to become a celebrity and LO AND BEHOLD ,we decided to make me PAMELA ANDERSON. This brought the audience into splits.The "superstar" or in my case the pornstar was allowed to consult his or in my case "her" teammates.And i shouted into the microphone "I WOULD LIKE TO CONSULT MY TWIN ASSETS!!!!"At this everyone literally rolled on the floor and we walked away the "winners".
We found ,much to our dismay, that the Saagar Ratna outlet had been closed so we were left starving for much of the day.The last quiz was supposed to be our saviour:The sports quiz.
It turned to be a cricket encyclopedia. The quizmaster reckoned Wisden was as popular as Playboy and perhaps thought people actually followed squash and horse racing.We came third after a real nail biter when we won the tie breaker.They say that it was so tense that one of my many fans suffered a brainstroke and then found out that she had no brain.
We left as soon as possible for reasons likely to be fatal in such situations.WE that is to say myself,Kaka and Dela didnt have tickets for the return journey.After a lot of inquiring we got tickets but found that we would have to bunk the whole of next days classes. We had like 3 hours to kill on the platform so we decided to buy magazines.
The dickhead of a bookseller didnt have any novellas so ,much to our surprise, we found ourselves buying "RASBHARI KAHAANIYAAN:AWAIDH SAMBANDH VISHESHANK"(believe me ,it WAS called that),Outlook and India Today.The foremost proved to be a juice not worth the squeeze so we all reached Roorkee with memoirs of a fiesta firmly and funily etched in our "brains"!!!!
So we set out the Reservoir Dogs style although its rickshaw version.The trip started on a highly disturbing note-we were assaulted. Well to the normal public it might not be an assault but to us it was. We were pestered by the u know who of the clapping ilk.Lucky Dela was outside the compartment when he saw what was happening to us and instead of turning into a Maddu hero he was supposed to become , he turned into a road runner and ran for his life. The rest of the trip went by with our cabin taking the form of a Roorkee bakar house.
We reached the "Sangam nagri" at 7 the next morning, apparently the MNNIT folks believe in the funda "Atithi devo bhava!" and they had opened a hospitality counter on the platform itself. Although I was hoping to find a prettier face to welcome us (they had,on the contrary,made some 6ft 5inch a quintal weighing giant of a "boy" to sit on the desk.).By the by,what sent our spirits on cloud number nine was the fact that they told us to take the tempo to girls hostel.Dela looked as if a hundred Nicole Kidmans were rolling in front of him. The joy turned out to be short lived as were to be staying at their equivalent of the Jawahar Bhawan. We dumped our stuff where we were supposed to and set out exploring the campus when at the sight to two guys Rapko went beserk.On being asked "Why the sudden hormonal outburst?".Lefty replied(quote): These were the guys who raped us last thomso. Read: These were the guys who had streamrolled the LitSec last thomso in a particular quiz. So the lions of Roorkee encountered their first of the many to come enemies.
Then came the first quiz. Myself,Kaka and Dela found it more funny than informative. The quiz masters might as well have said :BEND OVER!!!!....We got around 8 out of 30 right and didnt even make it to the main round. Lefty and Rapko did though and finished third. The "rapists" finished the winners.
Next were the auto and the corporate quizzes which were our "weak"(read:pathetic) areas.We didnt even try making it to the finals there but in the meanwhile enjoyed the Saagar Ratna outlet that was opened.
The last quiz of the day was the Grand General Quiz.IIT Roorkee kicked some really hard when all of us made it to the final round and won over the hearts of many when yours truly answered to some questions answers like KamaSutra and cervix. So on a rather happy note we went to sleep.
Rapko took up the role of System Of A Down and shouted "WAKE UP!!!" at sharp eight the next morning. I gained one important lesson:Dela is DA reincarnation of Kumbhkaran.It took approximatly 42 minutes to wake him up.....that really says everything.
So we proceeded onto to participate in the entertainment quiz which was supposed to be about entertainment but in the end turned out to be about bong and Mithun as bond movies.Although we came fourth it was in this quiz that we proved that were the funniest geeks at the fest.The team had to nominate one of the members to play the superstar round.I was selected to be the sacrifice and the quizmaster asked me to become a celebrity and LO AND BEHOLD ,we decided to make me PAMELA ANDERSON. This brought the audience into splits.The "superstar" or in my case the pornstar was allowed to consult his or in my case "her" teammates.And i shouted into the microphone "I WOULD LIKE TO CONSULT MY TWIN ASSETS!!!!"At this everyone literally rolled on the floor and we walked away the "winners".
We found ,much to our dismay, that the Saagar Ratna outlet had been closed so we were left starving for much of the day.The last quiz was supposed to be our saviour:The sports quiz.
It turned to be a cricket encyclopedia. The quizmaster reckoned Wisden was as popular as Playboy and perhaps thought people actually followed squash and horse racing.We came third after a real nail biter when we won the tie breaker.They say that it was so tense that one of my many fans suffered a brainstroke and then found out that she had no brain.
We left as soon as possible for reasons likely to be fatal in such situations.WE that is to say myself,Kaka and Dela didnt have tickets for the return journey.After a lot of inquiring we got tickets but found that we would have to bunk the whole of next days classes. We had like 3 hours to kill on the platform so we decided to buy magazines.
The dickhead of a bookseller didnt have any novellas so ,much to our surprise, we found ourselves buying "RASBHARI KAHAANIYAAN:AWAIDH SAMBANDH VISHESHANK"(believe me ,it WAS called that),Outlook and India Today.The foremost proved to be a juice not worth the squeeze so we all reached Roorkee with memoirs of a fiesta firmly and funily etched in our "brains"!!!!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
MORONS TRY THEIR HANDS AT THE GENTLEMEN'S GAME......
Its two days to end sems and unfortunately,it comes with the purchase of every moronic brain that highly stupid ideas are bound to strike you when time is of utmost importance.
So it was on this highly studious afternoon that morons had their latest brainstorm......a marathon game of cricket to be played in the Jawahar lawns.
So with a quickness that would defy the quickness of the quick return mechanism(i HAVE been studying Kinematics of Machines,u see)a bat and a ball were arranged and around 14 of the most lethal brains of the institute gathered on the battlefield.
Ninja and I became the captains(actually no-one gave a damn asto who the captain was,they just wanted to hit some balls,if u know what i mean!!!!)and divided the players.I won the "Tip-Top" toss and remembered Geoff Boycott's golden words-"Win the toss,bat first".
And bat we did.We made "ab tak" 56 runs,mostly courtesy Mohit Mutthal who was hitting the ball so hard,one might actually think he was imagining ME as the ball(i trash him that much,u see) and then we bowled out the pathetic opposition for an equally pathetic 25 odd runs that too courtesy Mohit's bowling which had in it the speed of Warne and the guile of a Shoaib's beamer.......
Unfortunately i had shouted(in a state of euphoria,actually im always in a state of Euphoria)at the beginning of the match:"JO HAREGA WOH JEETEGA!!!!"
As a result we had to forfeit the next match's first batting to THEM,a fact that did not go down well with my teammates.
Newaz the match was truly,madly and deeply a nail biter when our beloved Gaandey hit the winning run of the very last ball of the alloted 10 overs and we shouted to the applause of the whole hostel who hadnt seen that entertaining a match ever:"F**K DE INDIA!!!!"
As for my contribution,i'll just be modest and say the following:
First match-3 runs,2 dropped catches and 10 runs conceded in one over.
Second match-6 runs,1 dropped catch and 10 runs conceded in one over.
BUTT,the team counts and "JEET GAYE........................"
So it was on this highly studious afternoon that morons had their latest brainstorm......a marathon game of cricket to be played in the Jawahar lawns.
So with a quickness that would defy the quickness of the quick return mechanism(i HAVE been studying Kinematics of Machines,u see)a bat and a ball were arranged and around 14 of the most lethal brains of the institute gathered on the battlefield.
Ninja and I became the captains(actually no-one gave a damn asto who the captain was,they just wanted to hit some balls,if u know what i mean!!!!)and divided the players.I won the "Tip-Top" toss and remembered Geoff Boycott's golden words-"Win the toss,bat first".
And bat we did.We made "ab tak" 56 runs,mostly courtesy Mohit Mutthal who was hitting the ball so hard,one might actually think he was imagining ME as the ball(i trash him that much,u see) and then we bowled out the pathetic opposition for an equally pathetic 25 odd runs that too courtesy Mohit's bowling which had in it the speed of Warne and the guile of a Shoaib's beamer.......
Unfortunately i had shouted(in a state of euphoria,actually im always in a state of Euphoria)at the beginning of the match:"JO HAREGA WOH JEETEGA!!!!"
As a result we had to forfeit the next match's first batting to THEM,a fact that did not go down well with my teammates.
Newaz the match was truly,madly and deeply a nail biter when our beloved Gaandey hit the winning run of the very last ball of the alloted 10 overs and we shouted to the applause of the whole hostel who hadnt seen that entertaining a match ever:"F**K DE INDIA!!!!"
As for my contribution,i'll just be modest and say the following:
First match-3 runs,2 dropped catches and 10 runs conceded in one over.
Second match-6 runs,1 dropped catch and 10 runs conceded in one over.
BUTT,the team counts and "JEET GAYE........................"
Friday, November 16, 2007
MORONS RELOADED!!!!
It hit me rcently that i had not made aware the world about the recent developments in the moron world........for all who have not been infatuated by the term.......i suggest they consult their doctors for symptoms of .....i dunno.....maybe human-ness?.......never mind i will now undertake the mammoth task of listing all the morons in alphabetical order.....
P.S.-fasten just ur belts,ur pants might fall!!!!!
1)Abhinav Gaandey:Probabaly the most potent weapon of mass destruction to come out from the factories of the PJ world.His jokes(as he calls them)make u want to jump from the second floor or worse (as he suuggested)eat some poison and then jump!!!!His walk is considered by some to be more feminine than Miss Rai herself as is his sense of humour by the way,which perenially threatens R-world as the bubonic plague had the whole world.
2)Abijeet aka chuchijeet:I dont want to trash him too much as the aforementioned is the latest in the string of the barely surviving who had to endure attacks by a certain PJ cracking and intelligence sucking vampire.But he must know that to associate oneself with me is no less of a mortal danger so here i go.........
Oh shit.......as soon as i remember his name i forget everything else including where all my copies and.......... damn.......i have forgotten what i have forgotten.......
3)Chaudhary Ch**anya Krishna reddy(I wont blame u if u have fallen into a slumber after reading the immensely long name and this immensely long bracket to go with it):The haddu of our group and a fellow grade pointer also the politician trying to follow the footsteps of chandra babu naidu excepts he keeps losing.....when last seen in the class(it was maybe a couple of months back)he confided in me his secret desire to watch every movie ever made........after that conversation none has seen or heard of him.......but strange and muffled voices do come from his room giving one a highly spooky feeling and last weekend trash weighing over a tonne was seized from his room.
4)Joey:Mere ko samajh mein nahin aa rahe mai kya likhun.......mei jo bolta hai mere munh se ulta nikalta hai......as u can see,the part of my brain which controls the speech area has gone on vacation to Kerala and wont be back for 2 yrs more.....
5)Mohit M**tthal:The more said,the less for this guy and he might put me in MUTTHAL danger if i go ahead and suck out whatever remains of his highly depleted amount of self respect,but still ill still go ahead and trash him like any another day(he's our favourite punchbag u see)!!!!!
He can be only heard saying this nowadays "abe yaar,mai waise hi depress rehta hoo ........aur depress mat karo" to which we reply in our usual 'we dont give a mutthal's ass' tone:"Muutthal!!!!!!!!!!"
6)Shubbu ,the ran**:The favourite and the most sought after maal of the institute with his/her trademark walks and jhatkaas.Complaints have been received regarding low customer satisfaction but they are blatantly turned a blind eye to and the business proceeds as usual with overtime being done nowadays due to some expenses incurred(namely the REGOL fine)
7)Sushi:Men describe him as their ideal,women call him the best thing that has ever happened to them.But he goes on fully aware that the slightest compalcency will render the world at the mercy of the 6 abovementioned nukes.Infact so great is his greatness that he refuses to put water on the body for weeks at a time,a fact that does not go down well with the mortal souls who dwell with him.............hail the LONE RANGER!!!!!!!
P.S.-fasten just ur belts,ur pants might fall!!!!!
1)Abhinav Gaandey:Probabaly the most potent weapon of mass destruction to come out from the factories of the PJ world.His jokes(as he calls them)make u want to jump from the second floor or worse (as he suuggested)eat some poison and then jump!!!!His walk is considered by some to be more feminine than Miss Rai herself as is his sense of humour by the way,which perenially threatens R-world as the bubonic plague had the whole world.
2)Abijeet aka chuchijeet:I dont want to trash him too much as the aforementioned is the latest in the string of the barely surviving who had to endure attacks by a certain PJ cracking and intelligence sucking vampire.But he must know that to associate oneself with me is no less of a mortal danger so here i go.........
Oh shit.......as soon as i remember his name i forget everything else including where all my copies and.......... damn.......i have forgotten what i have forgotten.......
3)Chaudhary Ch**anya Krishna reddy(I wont blame u if u have fallen into a slumber after reading the immensely long name and this immensely long bracket to go with it):The haddu of our group and a fellow grade pointer also the politician trying to follow the footsteps of chandra babu naidu excepts he keeps losing.....when last seen in the class(it was maybe a couple of months back)he confided in me his secret desire to watch every movie ever made........after that conversation none has seen or heard of him.......but strange and muffled voices do come from his room giving one a highly spooky feeling and last weekend trash weighing over a tonne was seized from his room.
4)Joey:Mere ko samajh mein nahin aa rahe mai kya likhun.......mei jo bolta hai mere munh se ulta nikalta hai......as u can see,the part of my brain which controls the speech area has gone on vacation to Kerala and wont be back for 2 yrs more.....
5)Mohit M**tthal:The more said,the less for this guy and he might put me in MUTTHAL danger if i go ahead and suck out whatever remains of his highly depleted amount of self respect,but still ill still go ahead and trash him like any another day(he's our favourite punchbag u see)!!!!!
He can be only heard saying this nowadays "abe yaar,mai waise hi depress rehta hoo ........aur depress mat karo" to which we reply in our usual 'we dont give a mutthal's ass' tone:"Muutthal!!!!!!!!!!"
6)Shubbu ,the ran**:The favourite and the most sought after maal of the institute with his/her trademark walks and jhatkaas.Complaints have been received regarding low customer satisfaction but they are blatantly turned a blind eye to and the business proceeds as usual with overtime being done nowadays due to some expenses incurred(namely the REGOL fine)
7)Sushi:Men describe him as their ideal,women call him the best thing that has ever happened to them.But he goes on fully aware that the slightest compalcency will render the world at the mercy of the 6 abovementioned nukes.Infact so great is his greatness that he refuses to put water on the body for weeks at a time,a fact that does not go down well with the mortal souls who dwell with him.............hail the LONE RANGER!!!!!!!
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