Kauwagiri 101

August 24^th will be declared a global holiday soon. Apart from the fact that it would be super cool to have your birthday on such an auspicious date, I am particularly happy that that being my birthday was the precise reason that led upto the invention, nay, discovery of the concept of “Kauwagiri”. I say ‘discovery’ because Kauwagiri is something that has waited to be discovered since time immemorial. Take the Freudian slip for example, being a phenomenon relevant to the innermost traits of a human, we are pretty sure that some Egyptian pharaoh must have mistakenly called his wife Nephri teri maa ki instead of Nephritiri right? But the phenomenon wasn’t noticed until Mr. Freud came along and decided, in an act of staggeringly high narcissism, to name the process after himself. The same goes for a ‘kauwa’ and the derived verb ‘kauwagiri’. An example of a historic kauwa that immediately comes to mind is our very own Chunky Pandey during his heydays of wearing orange pants with yellow shirts, the fashion still being followed today by a particular batch-mate. RESTECPA!

In this case the discovery took place while on a trip to Chandigarh when the bus was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. As posterity will tell, the symbol of the city of Chandigarh went on to become the official ‘kauwa salute’ (the way to greet a fellow kauwa). As I have already given you a sneak peek as to how a kauwa ought to look, I now will tell you what you ought to do in today’s world to be treated, respected and if you are worthy enough, worshipped as a kauwa.

The Dress Code- Introduced to much fanfare on 1^st November, 2009 during Thomso, the official kauwa fest of the world, it includes the following items: A baseball cap facing sideways (Preferable colours: Red, Fluorescent Green), a simple black sweatshirt with a catchy tagline, three-fourths trousers lose enough, shoes without socks.

Accessories- A metallic wristwatch, sunglasses (Frame color strictly red), wristband.

The demeanour- Nothing surprises you, none of the things said or done around you makes you come up with an emotional response.

The talk- Be short and subtle. Phrases to be used repetitively are “Peace man!” and “Chill!”. Remember the thumb rule, crows don’t talk loudly they are supposed to be the epitome of kewl.

Peace out guys! And remember, as is the rule to have everything represented by an emoticon, kauwagiri offers two different emoticons for use. Use either _m/ or \m_ depending on which hand you use for the kauwa salute.