The Beijing Diaries!

Lots of things have happened over the past month. The trip to Allahabad comes to mind, or to be precise, the return trip where yours truly and his companions (10 in all) were forced to spend 9 hours on two top tier berths. The Fat Rocker displayed his Dostana feelings and was immediately shunned.

Okay I mustn't digress. 

I have received a lot of flak for not writing extensively on my stay in the Capital of Dragonland. The primary reason that this post has come late is because I had stuff to do (No, really!) and this is one mammoth post to follow. So yes, the funny, the not-so-funny et al…

****Italics represent comments passed in Hindi so that the unsuspecting fellow Chinese didn’t understand them:

1) We met an amiable fellow while buying some mineral water. One talk led to another and the next thing you know he was walking with us. Cynics pointed out he could be one of those thugs that the travel guidebooks warn tourists against. The group decided to dodge him by going the other way rather than going straight to the hostel. Mr. Dumbass, true to his name and in his self righteous element meanwhile was walking with the chap.

Chorus: “Dumbass! We have to go this way!”

Dumbass: “No we don’t!”

Me: “Dumbass! We are trying to bluff our way out of this character….so just shut up and follow!”

Dumbass: “ACTUALLY…I know what you guys are confused between; those two roads look exactly the same. Trust me we have to go this way (Pointing to the hostel)!”

Me: “Okay that’s it! You actually don’t have any brains do you. Just follow us or trust me you’ll regret the day you were born!”

Chorus: “Dumbass! Dumbass!”

Senses restored, Dumbass finally decided to tag along.

2)Bejing has an awesome nightlife, for the locals as well as tourists there are all sorts of clubs and bars for gamut of tastes. The nightclub street in question was called Hi Hao. So a taxi was hailed. Unfortunately, language isn’t that awesome and trying to communicate with a local can be as tough as drilling some sense into a Chelsea fan.

Me: Hi hao!

Driver: Blank look

ME: Hi hao!

Driver: “rfgjgojgfjdfkldfdlfjdfljdlfjdfljf(probably his equivalent of: You guys are the biggest jerks ever! GET OUT!)”

Me: Hi Hao (Trying to Chinesize my accent)

Driver: (Comprehension Dawns!) Shows a Thumbs up….Smiles weirdly!

Some Soul:“Is everyone here this big a git or are WE complete losers?”

20 minues later

Driver: “sdkgdfhdskfhsfkgkdgf (probably asking us to get down)”

We pay the driver, thank god the bill was in English (YES! Taxis there have a billing system!!)

Pretty girl comes up: “You want a lady, sir?”

 30 seconds of being dumbfounded

Chorus: “Oh damn! Shithead dropped us at the wrong place!”

Shouting in the distance.  Its our friends pointing to come their way. As you can see, we were dropped at a very wrong place but not by much. The club street wasn’t far. Still could’ve been much worse! (Or better?)

3)Chinese markets are extremely cheap. Especially the Palika Bazaar types, where the fakes are really good and are a real bargain. The catch is the starting price what the shopkeepers (all women, which is a very good marketing strategy) quote is sky high, so it can be a time consuming process reaching an agreement over payments. The one thing that probably everyone had to shop for handbags and ladies’ purses for all the mothers, sisters, friends, relatives et al. The solitary girl who happened to be with us was summoned to decide “What looked good?”, “What is in?”. After sometime she vehemently Up yours’ed us (Gayatri! This will come back to haunt you!)  and went on her own shopping when the questioning had gone a little overboard. Left in the shop were 5 boys, shopping for purses for the first time ever. I mean I have shopped before but who in the name of Dr. Jesus H. Coxx remembers their prices?

Anywhoo…, 10 purses were shortlisted. Now comes the fun part. The shopkeeper quoted a price so exorbidant even Bill Gates would’ve done a double take on! (It’s the drill you know…that Pallika Bazar routine.) Our first quote was a measly 10 yuan (That’s 70 Rupees) for each purse. Hmmm….in hindsight it was a mistake wasn’t it? I mean, a leather purse the size of a school bag for 70 bucks!

Needless to say the shopkeeper was pissed. She, with utmost seriousness didn’t say anything just politely said “Get out!” (This was after approximately 30 minutes of scrutininising probably each and every bag in there!). We took the cue and left. As we were leaving she actually got a little angry and whacked me on the shoulder with a picking stick!

Although I was too shell shocked to go in there again, some fellow comrades persisted and did eventually buy all those bags. All in all, the trip was as fruitful (Puma shoes Rs. 350/- anyone!) and I also came to know even shopping can be dangerous to health.

P.S. More encounters of the strange kind to follow.

P.P.S. Tosic, Fabio, Rafael, Possebon....another Golden Generation people?