Tic Tic Tic......

When winter comes on with its full force, you aren’t left with much of venturing out unless its going half a mile to watch a Man Utd match with fellow red devils. On a much more brighter side, it gives you a chance to observe all the lovebirds coochie-cooeing in front of your eyes(HAIL IM’s) rather than prying away in privacy if and when given a chance. A fact struck the other day: More than 50% of the people in my hostel wing i.e. my fellow batchees, are “committed”. Okay now this won’t be a blog about the usual things that couples do when they are newly committed, Triple H took that headon and so did Lefty earlier, this would just be a series of abstracts pertaining to the psyche of the male mind towards a female especially where the big old “relationship” is involved. A word of advice for my female readers (Boy am I deluded!): Viewer discretion adviced.

The Narcissist got committed recently which sent the ripples of cupid back and forth. His own rendition of his “ek chhoti si love story” sounded clichéd enough to make a K-serial. Woh pehle takrar, phir ek doosre ko ignore maar, phir inkaar aur (inevitably) phir ikraar! When asked if the legendary symptoms of "Dil ki dhadkanein tez hona?, Raaton ki neend udna?" indeed happened, he replied in a negative. And yes in general, committed people just because of that tag think they are experts on relationships so as a footnote a speech on “There is no such thing as a true love.” was given.

The scene now shifts to the hostel canteen where it was the turn of Ninja to display his ideas (or rather the lack of them!). No sooner had he asked about the latest message and call rates doing the rounds that I understood where this was heading. Not waiting for my cue (I don’t even know MY call and sms rates!) I aked “Arrrrreee kaaaaaauunnn hai! Hamein bhi bata do!”

“She’s already committed!”

“That’s my boy! Go for her!”

“No its nothing like that, I just feel that talking to girls helps you improve your communication skills!”

(You could have heard the crickets chirping but even they were silenced by the profoundness of the statement.)

So you see, there are things more than what meet the eye! Although I admit for all my open mindedness, this is one opinion I am still having difficulty in comprehending.

Mr. Mittal rightly dubbed by B-Pot as the “torchbearer” is a cut above the rest. “I mean I don’t know…..initially I thought nothing but then yes! I think….what should I do?”. The “…..” aren’t something that I have left out for reasons of privacy or anything. These reflect the pauses (ranging from 2 seconds to 2 minutes often reaching 2 hours, sometimes 2 days) he takes between the same statement.

I know this wasn’t something which would help anyone get anyone or anyone get over anyone, I am just a silent observer, with a not so silent mind.

P.S.- In Triple H’s wise words “I am single and ready to jingle”. (Life should be fun from the other side too I guess!)

P.P.S.- If someone wants pdf version of “The Bro Code” (by Barney Stinson), contact me. It should provide an excellent read seeing as after having read this blog you have been awesomised.

Once upon a time perhaps.....

There are people you despise, people you take an indifferent view on and to go over the top, some you worship. Sir Alex Chapman Ferguson falls in the lattermost category.

Much has been said about his completing 50 years in the world of the beautiful game and although I refrain from writing on topics which are a hot ongoing commodity (the reason being that my opinions aren’t what exactly one might call inspiring or thought changing), this is one epiphany which was simply too heavy to let in. Like any resident of The Republic Of Mancunia will tell you, there is God then there is Sir Alex and then there is THE club (in increasing order mind you!), I too am one of those who take more pride in the manager himself rather than the results he churns out week in week out.  As long as Fergie is there, we don’t want anything else.

Matty Boy once asked me how can anyone feel so strongly for a team that plays thousands of miles from you and with which you don’t have any link. Ferguson is the reason. Once you are old enough to think for yourself and try to differentiate awesome from the not-so-awesome, the whole “distance” thing goes out of the window. The reason perhaps  Martin Luther King was inspired by Gandhi or to quote V himself, “You can kill as many people as you want, but you cannot kill an idea.”

Having promised Bihari Potter and Triple H a blog on the rise of lovebirds in R-land, why did I suddenly change my mind? Don’t know, don’t bother! Afterall there aren’t many people who will tell the whole world in extreme expletives that they are wrong and still emerge more loveable than ever. If you want facts on the guy, google him up, wiki him up. I only wrote this short blog to get it out of my system that the first person I ever paid a writing tribute to was the person who (if there ever was one) took the Bro Code seriously!

P.S.: Before a Devils-Scousers clash there was a scouse priest on the telly claiming that he, along with his congregation, had been praying for a result. United won the game regardless and the priest was back on the news after the weekend. The priest was asked whether this proved God doesn’t exist. The priest was quite defiant in his answer. “No, it proves God does exist… but He’s a United fan.”

Time of your life!

Two and a half years living in a hostel and you realise that “Survival is the most basic instinct” is an axiom. So on one hand where people tell you that you study in one of the most elite colleges of the country and hence the civic manners ought to be prevelant, the reality couldn’t be further away from this.

Wingmanned by the Bulk himself,who “Foods up!” the Barney Stinson way and whom calling a food connoisseur would be the understatement of the still pretty young century, I managed to put together a how-to list of seven points that will get you through any buffet stomach filled and with a smug look guaranteed to make your fellow buffeteers, if you will, jealous. Here is your guide to fooding bliss:

1) Popularity quotient: Make sure the buffet you are going to contains a sizeable portion of participants you know. The level of knowledge or acquaintance doesn’t matter. And if you don’t well your chances of attaining the aforementioned nirvana are greatly reduced.

2) Be Ruthless: Remember “Survival is the most basic instinct”, so get to the food as soon as it arrives. There should not be any scope for feelings towards other competitors. Everyone is the ENEMY!

3) Be Conniving: Now here starts the intelligent part, you should always have that cuisine which the others aren’t attacking. Okay you might first think that you would be compromising on some gastronomical delight, but the sheer fact you “GOT SOME!” rather than watching someone else eat while you fill your stomach with water from your own mouth should be compensation enough.

4) Put your plate down: Trust me on this one! Even if you don’t have your own plate, you can go back to your home, nay, room, more satisfied than your plated counterparts. Once you have put your plate down, you have both hands free,ergo, greater mobility over the plate. All you have to do is use point (1) to your advantage, start a small talk and then schemishly devour your so called friend’s plate!

5) Make them believe you: “There is no such thing as a free buffet” goes the oft quoted saying. Sadly though what the people don’t realise here is that the meaning between the line, quoted by none other than Phoebe Buffet, is that you have to work to get the food. Keep going regularly to the “serving” counter to get the supply to other’s plates. Your plateless hands will again put you at an advantage over other tied and hungry. The second advantage, and this is where it gets doubly good, is that your hunted i.e. the one who you are eating off, falls to your Machiavellian skills and infact starts thinking, yours is a symbiotic relationship. (Well, you could say not everyone has the privilege of reading my blog!)

6) Be agile and quick witted: Point (5) has to be put into use with an intelligent combination of point (1). Shuttling between the people can be done on the pretext of “having some work with them” or “great he has _________(delicacy that everybody is after), I’ll get you some”. Be subtle, never hurt their feelings, they might be needed at a later stage.

7) The Exit Strategy: When you are all fed and satisfied, make sure your exit doesn’t attract a lot of attention. Saying sayonara can be extremely energy consuming thereby making you feel full-stomached for a lesser period of time.

Needless to say, the above reading is of no use if you don’t put it into practice regularly and extremely thoroughly. Wedding season being around the corner, that should provide you the ideal platform from which to launch your staunch campaign. So best of luck!

Beware:

· Applicable only to those who have had cannibalistic fantasies

· Any deaths resulting from the mentioned technique will not be the responsibility of the author.