I am not a winner, nor am I a perennial loser. But one thing that people generally do associate me with is my ability to solve problems. They also call me a pervert but that’s for another day. Of late I have noticed lots of things. Nicole Kidman has aged like wine, Chelsea fans have gone from being silently jealous to watching United matches howling them to lose instead of watching their own utterly “as dry as Ross’s 6 month dry streak after which he nearly proposed to his cousin” dry matches, HHH has only become hornier by the minute and of course Nicole Kidman has aged like wine. I did mention that but I cannot emphasize it enough.
Coming back to problem solving. Dan Brown before belching out page turning thrillers by the year and before assuming a demeanour meant to convey a clue to his next book with every bat of his eyelashes wrote a book under the pseudonym of a girl i.e. Danielle Brown. That book was titled “187 ways to avoid romantically frustrated men”. The book though, just a moderate success does tell you every author starts small. Every author starts by being utterly lame. Although comparing myself to Dan Brown would be a tad too harsh on the chap, I do feel I am right now at the same juncture he was then. This is going to be lameness personified. And in being lame I will solve the problem that threatens the section of mankind ranging from Sunki “Its Hard!” N to M “extremely long and I mean pain-in-the-ass long middle name” Murthy.
Problem: Ways for romantically frustrated men (like HHH) to get a woman of their dreams or to be precise, wet dreams.
Solution: It will only be natural to assume here that none of my prospective clients have the suaveness of a Brosnan or the ruggedness of Craig. Because, if they had either of the two they would have bonded and shaken (not stirred) their way to victory. Enough of this chit chat. Let’s get down to business:
1)Make sure whenever you are wooing her, you use your USP. Like for me….no there are just too many USP’s for me. Say for example, John Abraham. He uses the fact that camera cannot capture his talks and whatever he talks (his language I have been told resembles The Dark Tongue of Mordor) doesn’t get across. What does get across are those rock hard abs which you might have if you are having a dream within a dream. Oh, that’s another legendary movie reviewed here.
2)Get the competition out of the way. Spreading rumours about your love like bad breath, bad smell although might seem ethically compromising but you sure will reap the rewards later. This particularly helps in narrowing down the number of dogs running towards that famed bijli ka khamba next lane.
3)Get her phone number. Now, folks this is based on a true story. A guy “accidentally” calls a girl up. Says, sorry it’s a wrong number but leaves the girl intrigued enough to……Of course, you need guts to pull this off and probably if you are seriously following this post, you have an iota of them of and so we’ll continue.
4)The ‘in thing’ as the Man Himself might have me believe is to be ultra clichéd in your approach tell her that “Every cloth that you are wearing is yours, and every cloth she is wearing is hers”. Its success shown here.
5)Call her mom and tell her that you are in the world because of her (Extremely long story. No need to understand. Jut do the bloody thing!). Again follow the previous link to view its astounding success!
6)Actually do something other than read my blog.
7)Who are we kidding! Get some chloroform and go old school.
**As always, the blogs are strictly the opinions of the writer. The opinions of Jennifer Aniton, Angelina Jolie, Preity Zinta and SHE might take a different view of such matter.
