MORONS IN CLASS

"Abe aa gaya kya?"
"nahin lekin kabhi bhi aa sakta hai!!!"
(narrator:its not voldemort,its the preofessor they are talking about)
Mohit:Where wud i get nude photos of Victoria Silvesdt?
(saying this he enters the classroom and a huge uproar of "Mutt*al" greets him)
Mohit:Kam se kam class mein to mat kiya karo!!!
Myself:Kya bola be?Tu dekh aaj mai beech sadak pe chillaunga!!!!
(the prof enters)
(chorus:shhh!!!!shhh!!!!)
Joey:Me going to sleep at the back!!!
Myself:Okay!Come lets play "Mohit is an a***ole".
(chorus:okay okay)
Abhinav:Or we cud throw chalks at those ghissues in the front bench!!!
Maayaaa:i'll read sherlock holmes!!!
(narrator:studies are nowhere in sight)
(out of nowhere prof suddenly props up to see what these backbenchers are doing)
Prof:Is this supposed to be ur bedroom?
Rakesh(who was hitherto sleeping as if in heaven):Sir,headache!!!
Prof:GETTTTT OUTTTT!!!!
(someone's mobile:bhen**** sutta!!!bhen**** sutta!!!)
Prof(himself inclined to say something on THAT line):Switch ur mobiles off!!!!
(chorus:yeah right,hahahahahaha...........)

MORONS MOVE ON...............

Faithful readers(thts just a polite way of sayin:u dont have nething to do apart from reading my blog?)might recall that when we last met "THE most horny beings on the planet" their test series's had just ended so they were in a rather flamboyant mood.
But now its time that those demons are awaken again(like Jesus's resurrection only that THEY look like Satan's minions)in the form of answer scripts.

So now in this episode we get to see,their reactions,some of which are suicidal.
P.S.:viewer discretion is ,as usual, advised


Mohit:Where wud i get nude photos of Victoria Silvesdt?
(narrator:even I think she is smoking hot)
Myself:In Kinematics of Machines by G.H. Martin,u a***ole!!!on one side there are these numbers which never go in to double figures and the only score ure concerned about is 36-24-36!!!!
Joey:Maine maths mein phod diye...........3 aaye!!!!
Abhinav:u mean 1+2=3 waala 3?sahi hai chaapoooo!!!!
(chorus:chaaapo!!!!chaapo!!!!)
(narrator:these guys arent what one might call subtle.For those who are confused Joey has just broken the record for the all time lowest score in maths)
Mohit:I got 17.5,Shubbu got 25.I wont get ne job now!!!!!
(narrator:apart from his being horny which a lil absurd,all of Mohit's talks suggest that either he has an iq in negatives or else has not reached puberty yet!!!!)
Abhinav:Abe jyaada bola yahin pe khade khade aisi utaarenge teri!!!!
Myself:@#$%^&,maa ke*****
(chorus:maa ke *****,maa ke *****)
Abhijeet:Has neone seen my thermo copy?no?ok has neone seen my shit oops sorry sheet holder?
(narrator:Abhijeet is sure about only one of his things being in place, u guess that on ur own)



On the next episode of the hero honda star parivar award nominated series:the scene now shifts to a classroom....in a never bfore seen sequence ull actually get to see what an iit classroom looks like with everybody asleep.So be there!!!!!

*continued from the previous episode:

Mayank:Abe haan yaar mast hai woh!!!!
Mohit:saalon kaminon disturb mat karo Share ka kaam karna hai!!!
(narrator:share is this ........ummmmmm......not sure newaz its somebody or i think something that mohit works for)
Myself:@#$%^&*, ****** maa ke ****
(narrator:better i dont expalin those highly enlightening words)
Shubbu,the ran**:Abe tut chaap liya kya?
(narrator:in this world of fast life ,these guys really believe in fast study,one guy (termed the ghissue)does the tutorials all others copy it from him....)
Myself:Pata nahin un ghissuion ne kiya hoga to chaap lenge....
Joey:Mai chale chaapo par.Ek bandi ke chaapo hain.
Abhinav:Aaj phir contri chaapo hai kya?
chorus:hahahahaha.........
chorus:chalo cs khelte hain....
myself:abe agar mai teeammates ko marron ko mere ko server se kick mat karna!!!!

So they all played cs and laughed happily ever after!!!


list of abbreviations:
chaapo:treat ,where only one person pays the bill
contri:divide the bill type party
cs:chutiyaap strike(some call it counter strike , i believe)
archi:architecture department(the only place u get to see some curves in the structure)

THE NUTS AND THE BOLTS OF LIGHTNING AT MECH IITR!!!

"Mechanical hathaudachaap branch hai to ismein ladkiyan kam hi aati hain!!!"quipped an uncle of mine when i was allocated mechanical at iitr after the counselling.

Well after one year of pure "farzi" engineering at least that part is true.....
So on this immensely boring holiday i sit down to write about my frnds here in my department!!!!

We have a lot of people whom u might call "namoonas",myself being the biggest of the lot,there's Mohit Mut**al,Abhinav Gaa**ey and who can forget Baaabaaaaaaaaa(i think his real name is Pornov,which is spelled as Pranav).

If these are students then the profs are equally aliens like.Well Matty-boy once told me that some guy was suspended after someone read his blog so i wont give any direct names(IM A SCARED KID!!!!)but for those understanding enuf:"Mazaak nahin ho raha hai yahan par,abhi mera paala phirse padega third year mein to jyaada samajhne ki zaroorat nahin hain".

Some excerpts of a typical group of mech engineering undergrads:

p.s.:some wont be able to understand if they are not aware of the recent developments in the abusive lingo area.
P.S:this is a work of fiction,any resemblance to any person living or(most probably)dead is HIGHLY coincidental!!!!!

Mohit:Where would i get nude photos of Victoria S?
Myself,Kaa** Ch**hi:Have u told ur mom about her!!!this is getting serious.When will u propose her?
Chorus:hahahahahahhaa..........
Mohit:Why do u DO this to me,u shitbomb!!!!
Abhinav Gaan*ey:Mohit is so innocent sometimes he i think was born only an hour ago!!!!
Joey:Abe canteen chalenge?
(narrator:joey is a mallu so speaks hindi too fluently)
Abhinav:Abe chu*** canteen nahin chalti humein chalna hota hai!!!!
chorus:bachao !!!!!bachao!!!!!
Mayank(Maayaa):Abe uske baare mein suna archi mein mast bandi aayi hai?
(narrator:for starters mechanical guys are THE most horny beings on the planet)
Myself,Kaa** Ch**hi:Yup, i think i might have seen her that day,i thought my day went well after i had seen her!!!



****Next episode :after another bout of appy fizz at the otherwise pathetic jawahar bhawan canteen!!!!!

BASKI KA ULTIMATE CH*******

In the first year I had the oppurtunity to play many sports right from football to u name it and i played it......and i got to learn many nuances of various games.....but in the second year i decided that i LOVED the sound of a beasketball going into the net.....so there i go every evening to play basketball, which after learning some of it ,i feel is the most technically advanced game.....often that technicality gets a better of us and makes a mockery of our senses:

The typical warm up session begins with simple jogging and then sprinting,which literally makes me feel like my lungs are being torn apart.......and then the drills that we have to do, a less respectful person might say that we look more like monkeys doing that stuff.....but the real fun comes when we play the game.
As usual we are divided into two teams of 5 and the coach gives us some standing instructions which we just stand and listen as we know we wont be able to work them right in the first attempt.......so these things generally result in total chaos and teammates colliding with eeach other and fighting each other for the ball.......and the session typically ends with the coach saying that babboons can paly better basketball then us!!!!


But nevertheless ,we never get tired of trying to learn the game which we all love......well that 2-3 hrs on the court is the only time i m serious and thts why u might have invented some new abuses for me while reading this immensely boring blog!!!!!

THE BOOKS THAT I READ!!!!

It has become more of a cliche to say Harry Potter and Dan Brown rock.I believe everyone on the planet has by now come to know that Robert Langdon wears a Mickey watch that glows in the dark,and well if u dont i'll still suggest reading these books to you.

And since everyone and I mean everyone has an opinion on these books,i wont take any risks by delving into THAT matter.

I am right now reading a book on numerology and frankly now I can appreciate even Emraan Hashmi's movies.You have to know deeper sh** to appreciate the previous ones u have been through.....from the first chapter I came to know that my Destiny number is 11 and it turns out that this is one of the master numbers which means i must have special gifts.So the author really believes i m THE ONE?
Well i can sense Chandler asking me "How dumb ARE you?" so i now shift to other areas:

During the holidays i read Glam Pam's auto-full porn biography "Star".I swear it was more disgusting than her pictures that crop up on the Times Of India international page and that often adorn the walls of some of my beloved friends' hostel rooms.I rather go for Kidman on the walls so thts that.....

Also during the holidays i read Ludlum's books The Bancroft Conspiracy,The Ambler Warning.These books were good only that they were so mind boggling that i used to forget MY name the morning after I had read the books......

And how can i forget to mention the best of the lot i have read recently "Freakonomics".....well tht's an awesome book and i'd rather u form ur own opinion


I believe u have fallen asleep after reading all that crap...so enuf torture for now ......

Euphoria rules as the TS have ended and everybody seems to have a plan even those ghissues and muggers who i didnt even know existed!!!

So now I have to go and play pool which i had, a little too enthusiastically i think, booked for three straight hours.

Day 2:

First bomb:Kinematics of Machines.This turned out to be a needlessly dreaded monster.The paper was pretty easy but a lot of peek a boo ensued and as result one got to see a blue moon:cute cuddly children smiling after an exam!!!!
The only real incident during the exam was that there were loads of wasps fluttering like miniature Tomahawk Cruise Missiles and they were more dreaded than our dear invigilator who i thought was either dumb both metaphorically as well as literally.....

TEST SERIES!!!!!

Consider it ironic that i decided to finally join the blogging world on the day of a dreaded ts.But then thts how these demons drive u nuts!!!!
So as i was saying today was the ts and the first paper was maths and it began on a bad note, a pretty bad note actually.I was caught "looking at anothe's sheet"which I consider an understatement as i was literally trying to take the guy's sheet and promptly the invigilator, who instantly reminded me of Umbridge gave me -2....the rest as they say is history actually the paper is bound to be boring when u know more about Mr.LaPlace than his transforms.

Next mission:Structural Sciences.I came to the exam hall with nothing but a pen and it promptly beacame clear that my managerial skills had to be used.Everything ranging from the godforsaken setsqures to calculators was required and by the time the paper ended the invigilator(who funnily enuf had brought a polythene full of paans to be eaten in the hall!!!)said:"ummm....mmmmmm.......mmmmmm" which i translated as being equivalent to"U!! Useless piece of sh**,why dont u bring anything to the hall?"

Next level:Machine drawing.Last few days had been spent learning the nuts and bolts,and infact what happened was in the end i forgot what a nut looked like ,so just out of curiosity i Wikipediad it and it gave a representation that said"nut:female,bolt:male" so my concept was cleared there and then!!!!Coming back to the paper it was the usual "Abe side ho maa ke****!!"
"Saale us waale circle ka diameter kitna hai?" but what transpired in the end was that u cant help it but just s(h)it down and go on toiling and chancer are u wont still get anything rite!!!


So i sit here writing a blog while there are 3 further more Voldemorts waiting tommorow,but what the f**k Howard Roark was a hero too!!!!