Immortal Words

If there was one thing I would like to remember about my life at R, it would be, in one word, “awesomeness”. If Morpheus had it his way, awesomeness would have been like Matrix, being everywhere around us. We would eat it, breath it and even shit it! As the following verses will show, my 3 years at R haven’t failed to disappoint me in the verbal sector. Presenting to you the 10 most legendary lines that have been spoken. Lines that have and will stand the test of time:

1) “Skills Raa Re” –Senior Sunki. Although the real name of the speaker isn’t known, this statement makes it to the top on the basis of sheer orgasmic feeling the speaker went through when he saw Yayha Toure rounding a defender and slotting in a goal from an acute agle. Legen-wait for it-dary.

2) “Its Hard”- Sunki (The Bulk) revealing his naughty side on being questioned about girls thereby proving once and for all that he isn’t a complete asexual but perversion is his deepest innermost trait.

3) “C’mmon man! Wass going on man! You’re IIT man!”- An exasperated faculty having the most Rajasthani-fake-American accent possible on a student entering late in the class. True Story.

4) “No offence”-Mr. Jugga on being offended. For example: “Jugga you’re a jackass!” will be replied as: “No offence!”

5) “I agree with all my friends here”-Vikash ‘calamity’ Singh during a GD being verbose and displaying remarkable talent and agreeing with both sides of the point at the same time. Genius.

6) “I wonder if a hello is the best way to begin this”- Technically though not a verbatim but it was in said form when I came across it for the first time. MVRM being at his flirtatious best and writing a mail which was more of a guide to his blog mentioned here and here too.

7) “We do and we let it to do”- Udaykiran Edikoju giving a highly technical definition of the difference between Forced Convection and Free Convection. The statement in question brought him full marks whereas other mortals after giving random seemingly more technical phattas were politely asked to screw themselves.

8) “Deepak humaara neta hai, sabka munh mein leta hai!”- Campaign slogan for a guy named Deepak back in my first year makes this the oldest of the entries in this list. Ritu Bahuguna anyone?

9) “Reverse reverse, torque torque, very easy, very easy!”- Another enlightened faculty mocking us with his intelligence on being asked a question about ‘Reverse Torque’. The statement, later as he told us, was supposed to be the answer to the said question. Succinct.

10) “Ni amma”- The latest entry to this list. This is the haddu slang for derogating ‘your mom’. Qualities include being extremely sweet on the ears and if spoken to a haddu bringing a smile rather than a frown to his face!

Oh lord, we pray to thee! Let us be good enough that we may make it to the list sometime soon. Amen!

From The Dark Snows.....

One of the primary reasons I found myself in an unjolly mood throughout my intern was because United, after having a fairytale season lost in an inexplicable manner to Barcelona in the Champions League Final. After having watched that under a bout of the most terrible flu of my life, there definitely has to be some award on the lines of “Survival of the shittest” given to me. The do-all game, atleast for me and the performance had reminded me of the performance of ‘Aap Mujhe Acche Lagne Lage’ at the BO.

That was about three months ago, and yeah I forget to mention your misery has to continue when you find you lose your best player who happens to be the best in the world too and also discover that another player whom you thought to be the most committed was doing a Peter Pettigrew on you. Things certainly did look gloomy!

Crosstown rivals and competitors for the “Bastards of the Premier League” alongwith Chelsea FC, Citeh, meanwhile were scooping up players much like The Bulk. You know, when he sets his sight on something to eat, it usually ends up in his mouth. There isn’t much of an option with anyone.

On top of that you also realise that the hallowed No.7 jersey has been awarded to a player who scored more than two hundred goals for your greatest rivals. But like I said, that was three months ago!

I have just gotten over the complete annihilation of Valencia  CF and that’s saying so when I was just reading the blog version of its live coverage. Berbatov seems untouchable (as in the way nobody else can touch him, but ofcourse you get that!), Macheda with every game  screams, “Pick me gaffer!” and boy oh boy it has to be some day when you contemplate on how actually John O’ Shea is a brilliant asset for the team. Its around 10 days remaining to the start of the season and I have to admit the goosebumps haven’t been this spooky anytime during the past 10 years.

Bring it on Bitches!

Check it out this!

Your life in college, chronologically is much like your infatuation with movies. You start out with excitement and possibly anything that is thrown your way makes you ponder upon it. Then is the next stage wherein you tell yourself your priorities and don’t go universal. By the end of third stage you are practically a veteran and more or less have experience on your side to guide other people even if in your yonder years you had turned a nought yourself (Notice the alliteration). The current stage is what exactly would be called niche art. Precisely why that cinema is so boring, I get the hang of it now. That would pretty much describe an average fourth year in an engineering college.

Some (that would be me) would also say: Life in college, chronologically is like your taste in porn. Though it would be apt here to point out that though the argument is less politically correct, it is a more accurate analogy.

Not having a football season around too adds boredom and of course you start missing your seniors and realise that you really don’t know anyone in your own college apart from your classmates because apparently, for a junior, you are nothing more than a Basilisk. Only in this case he isn’t killed, rather propelled to the administration ready to cut your throat to return your stare. The other day I saw a fellow fourth year cajoled out of a Table Tennis table by a mere glare of “Bhaiya!”

Of course, the above droning, like most of my theories comes a cropper in real life. People here, even of you aren’t acquainted with them, remain as awesome as ever. With time running out, the official guide to awesomeness “100 Most Awesome People of the Insti You Must Meet”, is being prepared. Safe here to say that mah experiences play in important part in deciding who is worth your time and who isn’t. People into super-kewl blogging have just entered the race with one blogger claiming he has a crush on a professor (the professor in question is male and so is the blogger by the way) and the other claiming he wants to kill a batchmate whenever he sees her, that in turn because he loves her.

The faculty isn’t far behind either where candidate qualities include a heavily Rajasthani fake American accent mixed with the grammar of a dog, Parseltounge and getting yourself on the coverpage of Vogue. The mere thought of meeting such fantabulous, mind blasting personalities at one go could get Paris Hilton wet with anticipation (If you catch my drift!!).

And there you are again, you really aren’t bothered about the status quo, you get out of your room and enjoy these people and your ruminations regarding each day being your last calendar day in the insti takes a back seat. The 101^st seat, I must say.

Konichiwah

More than half the people who come to visit India, probably come here just to see the majestic Taj Mahal. Ofcourse they don’t realize that something more majestic happened here on 24th August,1988 but then someone did wisely ask “Khaega Kela?”
The holidays couldn’t have taken a more blissful turn ever since I landed in Agra with a movie every other day. The reviews in short:
New York- Surprisingly, after listening to people go “PATHETIC!”, I found it reasonable and actually a well thought out movie.
Kambakht Ishq- Decent comedy. Kareena looks smok-wait for it-hot-wait for it-hotter. There aren’t more reasons to watch the movie for a time.
Terminator 4- Not Bad. Though I was strangely reminded of Brisingr asin the plot went forward about a couple of inches.
Kal Kissne Dekha- 200 bucks Inox ticket. Out in 20 minutes. So the movie was beyond awessome!
Those were the reviews about which, I am sure, all you people give two and a half hoots.
Coming back to my stay in Agra, the stay has been made even better by my loving aunts, one of whom is a master chef and the other one’s husband is a hotshot civil servant. So with all the innumerable contacts that have sprung in the city, I have comfortably visited places. A special no holds barred cocktail contest with a friend in the bar of “The Mughal Sheraton” must be thrown light upon. I was, of course, the loser. But you, my dear reader, are the real loser now!
The vacations have had their worse moments vis a vis me leaving my lappy charger in the train and then sitting on the remainder of the partnership thereby obliterating its screen. This reminds me, I have to get it fixed. Also, leaving my whole book collection in M’s extremely unreliable hands could prove to be dangerous.
Apart from this, I really don’t think that “catching up on me” would really do a world of good. But writing about it seemingly does me exactly that for I have to quell that insatiable thirst for writing the like of which Rowling, Woodhouse, Tolkein and Stinson all have complained about.
P.S. Strange style of writing due to, like I said earlier, not typing on my own comp.

Guptaji de do......

It feels weird to type out your blog on someone else’s comp. Having not written anything for the past one month has taken its toll on me. So Jamshedpur it is for now and I have absolutely no idea how long it is going to be. The intern is phasing not in an unexpected manner though I can safely say it would be the most non-farzi part of my curriculum, past or future.

I only recently had a chance after a long time to devour on friends' blogs. The admin here sucks bigtime and they have blocked “blogspot” as a domain. So anywhoo, I found that Dela and Kaka, true to themselves haven’t made an effort, luckier though they are than me in terms of access to internet. Lefty typically wrote a classy one which said all about his emotions towards R. Rapu tried to do something on similar lines, then found he was a robot. Murtha for a change was quite unperky (To Murtha: Welcome to the club dude!!).

So much so for a detour, getting things back to me, life here has sprung some surprises. Not always the pessimist, I choose to move on leaving the fact that some of my batchees have been given probably every comfort known to man (spacetravel included) whereas I, well to simply put it, haven’t. Though I do plan to make my time here worth by visiting all the adjoining areas. Puri, it is for the upcoming weekend.

Having M here for company is an added advantage because there are always those “GREATEST QUOTE OF ALL TIME” moments. One particular incident comes to mind when I made an extremely,well, unchauvinistic observation on a lady being examined for her heartbeat. So I told M about our equivalent when we are examined for hernia and hydrosil. M, not being remotely surprised asked whether SHE was being examined for hernia. My laughter, though having a high decibel count was instantly quietened when in a fit of joy, I hit my hand on the ceiling fan.

Wow, I am really at a loss here for words. I had thought of many things to write, but a month is a long time and frankly, United sucked in the final. That has dampened my mood a lot. I always thought going with one striker hasn’t been our strength, but Fergie is God and you trust him. Didn’t work out unfortunately, though unlike the scouse bastards, I always think the talk of “next year” never dies down for United and maybe we’ll usurp them. Knock them of their effing perch, we will.

I also wanted to write a senti blog on bidding goodbyes to all the seniors, though obviously, I am way beyond that but just as a message “You all will be remembered!”.

I put an end here for the timebeing probably knowing that it will be another long period before my portal is again lit up by my, exquisite anyone?, writing. Plans to meet Lefty in Cal still give joy and then last but not least, insti would never have seemed as welcoming as it would when I get there about 45 days from now. 

Arrideverci!

P.S.-The title will be elaborated only on personal queries. Just to clear thingsup, it has nothing to do with me dwelling here.

Catch Phrases

And they never cease to disappoint us. The Devils were at it again! The victory over Spurs should now silence the Scousers once and for all about whatever pretences they had towards the Crown of British Football.
Keeping the jovial in mind and after a long long time, I’ll write again on matters pertaining to my life at R. Without any further ado or pretences of my own I present to you, the list of 10 most awesome notices as put up on Bhawan notice boards and duly taken note of by the author. Sit back and enjoy:

1)Notice banning playing football in a hostel:
Intimates of Ravindra Bhawan are advised to not to play footwall inside the bhawan.-Undersigned by the Warden! (Tactful you think?)

2)Notice warning against theft threats:
Thief is all around you! You have given full authority to check any suspense person you find who has stolen something. You can lock them in bathroom too. Any person found suspensely moving in any corridor can be checked. Your safety is in your hands. (WTF??)

3)Notice asking for some sanity in the bathrooms (Pasted on a bathroom door):
This is bathroom! Behave as literate as you are.

4)Notice regarding PDA:
Couples have been spotted in compromising positions at certain locations in CBRI campus. Henceforth, anyone found moving suspiciously will be punished severely.- The orientation of “couples” was never revealed.

5)Fake death of Chief Warden:
A photo of the warden with phool ki maala around his neck is found one morning, a day before the TS. It is with immense sorrow that we announce the death of Dr. XXX. To solemnly mark the occasion, the test series have been postponed indefinitely.-Black humour.

6)Inter Bhawan Sports:
An inter bhawan “Poshampa Bhai Poshampa” tournament will be organised in front of the main building on the given dates. Interested candidates need not apply.

7)Mess Utensils:
Mess ke bartan jiske paas bhi hon,kripya jaldi se jaldi wapas kar dijiye………and so callously written below it is……”hain. Par nahin doonga!”

8)Vouge Auditions:
Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes?- Vogue auditions!!
I fell for this!!

9) Pendrive lost:
I lost 4gb pendrive in library. I anyone found it, give it to me. My name is return on it.-contacts followed.

10)Prospective Mess Secretary:
Bored of stale food? Don’t worry, I will provide amlete in mess everyday and sweat will be given to you everyday! Vote for me……


P.S.:Lack of photographic evidence shouldn’t be translated to lack of authenticity.

You'll Never Wank Alone!

Okay Agreed! I have spent way too much time going down south on people’s blogroll lists. All for good reason, I told myself. For indeed I had opened this MS Word “New Document” a few times only to be struck again by the thought of this just not being one of those blogging days. Lefty claims blogging gets to you and you start yearning for it. I am not there yet and one of the main reasons I can actually blog is because I see things worth writing about, not that I am even a trifle of a good writer.

Anyways, two weeks in R-land, with nothing much to boot and the TS’s approaching (they are going on!), you cannot help but get a gloomy look to yourself. Just how many people have commented “Sushi seems quiet today!”, I have lost the count of them.

Enter, Barclays Premier League. Yeah, you know what I’ll go on and on and on about. Scouse bastards had only yesterday overtaken us at the top of the table with another of their cheap “triple deflected onto the path of Stevie Me, who tries to pass it on to Fernando “frigging baster who actually believes Fat Spanish Waiter is his dad” Torres, only for the pass to be triple deflected onto Yossi “the wannabe Stevie Me” Benayoun’s path who calmly closes his eyes, and tries to hit the ball towards his own goal but the ball goes into the other one” goals in injury time.

Anywhoo…..even a hardcore fan like me thought “Another fucking goal in injury time…Man they are doing what we did in that season. This could be their year.” Fergie aka God had said his first line as Manchester United’s manager back in 1986: I want to knock Liverpool off their fucking perch.

That being half done, all he has to do now is win another Premier league title and Manchester United will officially become the greatest club in England.

Today we witnessed how he will do it. The match was against Aston Villa. The venue: Theatre of Dreams. It’s 81 minutes into the match and we are trailing 2-1. If it continues this way, we would have succumbed to a third straight defeat for the first time in more than 8 years.

“Kya ghusa pada hai aaj to buri tarike se! Ek bhi dhang ka chance nahin second half mein!”, comments the Bihari Potter. Asif in reply, the man of the moment, Christiano Ronaldo conjures a magic left footer beating the keeper to the far post and we are level.

2-2 it is after we had synced our celebrations to those happening at the Stretford End. Still, if it stays this way we fail to go top of the league. Fergie, again aka God, throws in a complete rookie, Macheda, who fresh from his hat-trick for the reserves makes his first appearance for the senior side.

All but 17 years of age, with that look of boyhood still on him, he comes on and immediately makes an impact with a penetrating run. The clock says 90 minutes are over with us chering to the sign of “5 Minutes for injury time”. The more, the merrier.

We simply had to win this one. This one gone and we would have done a Newcastle and Kevin “luv it” Keegan.

93^rd minute: Giggsy gives the ball to Macheda.

Italics represent feelings. Feelings, which, in those split seconds are so large they can take minutes to say word for word. You practically have the whole season right infront of your eyes imagining it, pass by pass!

No one in front of him, he’ll have to go solo. Fat chance of anything worth happening.

Macheda takes a first touch to create a yard of space. Wrongfoots the defender.

Oh my God! He’s taking a shot…

It’s a curler, goes past the hapless Freidel.

Holy shit! Its going in….this cannot be possible!

……..and it went in.

P.S.: My first lame attempt at an enigmatic ending.

P.P.S: Dela and Prondu, "Hard luck fellows!" To go to Bombay and give a non "kela khao" performance is noteworthy enough.