The Biggest Conundrum

Old foe, New Hero!!

2010-09-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

People ask the question, What's a RocknRolla?

To be honest, I have waited to do this for a long long time. Finally, I can put it up with all the pride!!
So for all those who derided the person in question: Up Yours!!

To put things in perspective: no United player had scored a hat-trick against Liverpool since Stan Pearson in the late '40s!!

Moral of the story: BELIEVE

A Faith Reignited

2010-09-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

Because sometimes... the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.- The Dark Knight

Having lived in an isolated township during most of my nascent years, a movie theatre was a novel experience for me. Indeed, the right paths were laid when the first movie I saw in a theatre was at the then dilapidated ‘Jwala Talkies, Agra’ in the form of Mithun da’s ‘Cheetah’(Awesomeness-101). And those were indeed the golden years. Who says Bollywood was at its crappiest worst in the mid 90’s!! It gave India a whole generation of people ready to spread their arms in the middle of mustard fields and idolized Akshay Kumar in his now forgotten avatar of kicking (as rumour then had it) Undertaker’s bad white ass. And a big ‘Up Yours’ to anyone who derides the music. For fuck’s sake ‘Prem ki naiyya hai raam ke bharose’ is positively constipating. So I am, maybe, ranting because of my own personal connection but what am I supposed to feel if after watching Mithun da jerk the steering wheel of the gypsy and making it fly for 5 kms,I actually thought it possible for a further 2 more years by which time I had turned eight!! And this is when people while recounting the so called horrible period, forget movies like Rangeela, Andaaz Apna Apna and Baazigar ( templates for any streetside story, comedy, thriller respectively nowadays.)

Then it all started going downhill. While Switzerland was okay for a couple of song sequences thereby reflecting the ultimate dream of having your honeymoon under those beautiful mountains, something didn’t really click when people started having whole houses and families setup there. When in 2001 Hrithik Roshan’s fatty-go-hunky in 3kg said ‘London!’ after hearing of his brother having shifted base to the said city, things had reached an all-time low. And unfortunately, more of that was to follow, right from ‘Mujhse Dosti Karoge’ to ‘I abhor Love Stories’, the production houses just about made their money back by billing huge starcasts and shooting at exotic locales. The RDB's or 3 Idiots' were interspersed here and there which had their respective reasons for success.

Meanwhile, the move watching junta had slowly and steadily divided into a variety of niche groups. The people who had entirely given up on Bollywood were hated for their noveu riche attitude whereas, the vast underbelly of the Indian population still thronged to the traditional ‘dhishum dhishum’ experiences. Until now, that is.

‘Rewind to the golden era’ should have been the tagline to Dabangg. I’ll jot down the review in the form of a notice sent out by the DOSW’s office:

NOTICE

General Awesomeness Observed

Whereas Dabangg was found guilty of objectifying women, a trend of vital importance in the history of Indian cinema.
Whereas Dabangg had the most clichéd dialogue in the history of cinema : “Mujhse anjaane mein bahut badi galti ho gayi!”
Whereas Dabangg restored the age-old stormtrooper effect (meaning the bad guys always miss) to its past glorious heights.
Whereas it was found, Salman Khan through the ‘ripping by flexing’ manoeuvre had asked Hrithik to kiss his macho ass goodbye.
Whereas the movie managed to launch another girl next door role with aplomb, while the original sultriness herself, Dimple Kapadia was used to remind audiences of what Nirupa Roy had been in her glory years.

As a result of aforementioned clauses, it is deemed that Dabangg has been successful in catering to the awesomeness starved audience of India.

Signed

Chief Inspecting Officer (Department of Awesomeness)

Changing Lanes

2010-08-05T02:01:00.000-07:00

The 4 years at R were memorable for a lot of reasons. Not least because after the slump of 2001-2006, United finally got their act together and silverware was the norm of the day again. Had United won last season, the term ‘Wonder Years’ would have taken a new meaning altogether. And that is why this summer has been so much the longer. Its still pretty hard to digest that there won’t be any Azad Bhawan to be our very own Stretford End and that there won’t be people around to hug when I am watching the Champs League alone in the middle of the night and United score. But then maybe, just maybe, it was slated to be when Scholes jumped 17 seconds from time and the UG TV room erupted with shouts of victory and probably the upcoming season won’t have such nerve wracking moments.
So, it was yesterday when after a long long time, I was finally able to sit down and watch a completed United game courtesy the newly installed net connection at our place. And yet again it struck me how Kaka, Dela, Muruth, Gulate and Bihari were conspicuous by their absence. Again during Convo perhaps!
The game in itself was anything but a drab friendly. It of course helps, when the opposition is just there to make up the numbers and on the other side are players ready to put in their final acts before the manger decides which compartment to put them in for atleast the first half of the season. So, it was pretty encouraging to see that almost everyone impressed. Smalling committed a few glaring errors allowing players through when a simple minded approach would have eased the pressure.
It was a pleasant surprise indeed to see Rooney being as sharp as he was, after what was certainly a disastrous world cup. Though having gloryboys for team-mates did indeed go a long way in his personal debacle in South Africa. It would be a tad too overoptimistic to draw definitive conclusions from a pre-season friendly, and Carrick getting injured was definitely not a sight worth seeing. If that thing keeps him out for a couple of months, that could be curtains on his career for us. Nani, also looked sharp for someone making a comeback from injury and was on the ball quite often. Park produced a peach of a finish and looked quite at home in that left flank. And then of course, there was Chicharito. Neutrals might of course take you a little less seriously if you are a 22 year old with a nickname at the back of your jersey, but its pretty hard not to be excited about this fella’s prospect. From whatever he has shown this far, he looks a complete package and all the adulation heaped upon him seems well deserved.
So, Chelsea have lost three pre season friendlies in a row an dof course you can add 1 to the average age of their squad which won the league last season. Liverpool are in such big trouble, even the most loyal of fans would think that a top 4 finish would be what survival will be for West ‘Yoyo’ Brom. The surge surprise this season could come from Arsenal, if, as expected, they keep Cesc. Citeh meanwhile, keep up their role of Ernst Stavro Blofeld and hilariously keep reiterating that “World Domination” is what they look for.
Last season wasn’t probably as good as it eventually looked. And by good, I mean the race which we managed to take to the last day. We were exposed at our weakest worst when Fletch and Carrick played at centre back and we were annihilated by Fulham and lost, albeit a bit unluckily to Villa at home. This season, though will a new ball game altogether and although there might not be group huddles to celebrate the victories this particular season, it would be nice to be reminded of them time and again.

Inception in 5 Dialogues

2010-07-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

Leonardo Di Caprio: You see, mind is like a game of Mario. We can go to any level and have castles and everything and get to know and steal stuff.

Joseph Levitt: Totally awesome! Let’s try to get Brooke Shields to marry me. Oh, who’s this chick?

Ellen Page: I’m the woman who is always named after Greek Goddesses. Pseudo-intellectual stuff dude! But, am I supposed to be pregnant while doing all this?

LDC: You see, pregnant is just a state of mind. You might be pregnant in a dream whereas in reality that’s just a full stomach playing games with your subconscious.

JL: True story! Like the other day, I thought, I had totally done it with Zooey Deschanel. Then I realized, I was dreaming a sci-fi movie. You know what; we should so get a life!!

Also, probably the film-makers didn't realise that the novel concept has already been picturised in this cult classic made by some engineering students.

P.S.- I did give it a 10 on IMDB.

Mann ka Radio....

2010-02-15T02:31:00.000-08:00

Nothing succeeds like success and nothing occupies man like some extra free time. Two cents worth, the aforementioned words maybe, but that is pretty much what life has been for the past couple odd months. Regular readers, which basically translates to people who either through Dela’s or Murtha’s rolling bloglist stumble onto my blog, might wonder what kept me busy in the ensuing period. Well first of all, there was that biggest Cattle market of them all, nicely paraphrased as ‘Placement Session’. That took its time with a lot of talk going into where, what, with whom etc etc one wants to do in life. A nice little set of events left yours truly with a couple of offers, which I might humbly add, is way beyond I deserve.

The next semester kicked off and the ultra low load was immediately used to full effect with a whole week bunk of classes in the form of vacationing at Uncle’s place. With 3 Idiots and Avatar providing the entertainment content and with seemingly nothing to do anywhere, life it seemed had taken a turn for the heavens. Return to R brought its share of reality bites with BTP (which incidentally, stands for Bachelor Thesis Project and not B.Tech project as I thought earlier) being talked about in covert conversations. But the overall mood among the final-yearites was quite jovial. United started to and still are playing in their top gear which was an extra cause for happiness.

The Krows have been quite active of late, with them being featured on the Time cover and apparently, their next big gig is on the way too. After having burst into public prominence since their blinding display at DJ Springeez, the world expects the world from them and I am willing to bet my left wing that they won’t be disappointed.

Two days back brought a trip to Haridwar on Maha Murphy Diwas, aptly named because the itinerary of the day included a fuel-less bus, lost items of clothing, walking a couple dozen kilometres and fighting with roadways officials.

There was the missing day, the day after when after a particular party high on higher elements, I seem to have forgotten how I ended up in my room in different clothes than the ones I was wearing with a little amount of (that what you do when you are nauseated) on my floor. Capping off the extended weekend was another sleepathon which meant missing another day’s classes. I HAVE to do something constructive.

Does this post count for something like that?

Remembering The Twat

2009-11-24T20:31:00.000-08:00

I haven’t hated myself this much in a long long time. I was sleeping when Liverppol F.C. spectacularly exited from the European Cup. That’s a sin if there ever was one. Although sadism makes a big chunk of any football follower’s life, the cockiness of the Dippers this season makes their premature (albeit thoroughly deserving) exit all the more satisfying. Having beaten us three times on a trot only to be defeated constantly by teams of considerably lower calibre, its hard to fathom where they get their attitude from.

Yes, I know the same can be said about any United supporter as well. We aren’t without faults either but since we ARE the Premier League champions, its our party. So without undue delay, I’ll get down to the purpose of this blog.

Sacking a manager is probably an art best learnt from those who are actually practising it. It is truly mind boggling to see phrases “needed to be replaced” and “truly sorry to see him gone” in the same sentence. Only yesterday did the Premier League see its first sacrificial offering in the form of Paul Hart who “needed to be replaced” and the club in question, Pompeii F.C., “were genuinely sorry to see him go.” But then being politically correct has always invited the wrath of more jobless souls like myself.

So, The Benitez is going to be sacked. Real soon. Leaving aside the ramifications of the order of 20m pounds that they will incur in the form of remuneration to The Benitez (which incidentally would be the new world record for a lump sum VRS payment to a waiter), the club directors would have a tough time giving their statement to the public and Liverpool fans in particular. Of course, none would be happier than Stevie Me who could finally pitch his proposal to once and for all be done with the name and change the name of the club to Steven Gerrard Football Club (With the new motto being, “I always walk alone”). So I thought, having given them hate from all quarters of my body, I will make that up somewhat and give them some assistance in making the public statement that would be released in the aftermath of The Benitez being sacked.

“Liverpool Football Club(the reader smirks at this point) is truly disappointed, and we mean really disappointed that our association with Mr. Rafael Benitez couldn’t continue. We thought that in the best interests of the club and Steven Gerrard, it would be wise to relieve Rafael of his duties. (The smirk becomes more prominent). We would always remember him for his never say die attitude in the face of so many defeats that we had under him. His tactical acumen and faith in approaches like Zonal Marking, Javier Lucas and La Nia, are a source of inspiration to all who feel they are being criticised undeservingly, sorry, deservingly. We would like to thank him on behalf of Manchester United. Their managing staff called us and asked us to convey their regards for his assistance in making them the Greatest Club in England. Finally, we thank him for his undying love towards facts. The fact that they were distorted most of the times doesn’t in any way lessen his effect on the way the game is seen and watched today by millions. We wish him all the best for the future. At this point, the club points out that, it won’t, take any responsibility for the eventual suicide (The reader clasps his hands together asif in prayer) that The Benitez may commit. We wish him all the best for the future.”

Kauwagiri 101

2009-11-06T20:13:00.001-08:00

August 24^th will be declared a global holiday soon. Apart from the fact that it would be super cool to have your birthday on such an auspicious date, I am particularly happy that that being my birthday was the precise reason that led upto the invention, nay, discovery of the concept of “Kauwagiri”. I say ‘discovery’ because Kauwagiri is something that has waited to be discovered since time immemorial. Take the Freudian slip for example, being a phenomenon relevant to the innermost traits of a human, we are pretty sure that some Egyptian pharaoh must have mistakenly called his wife Nephri teri maa ki instead of Nephritiri right? But the phenomenon wasn’t noticed until Mr. Freud came along and decided, in an act of staggeringly high narcissism, to name the process after himself. The same goes for a ‘kauwa’ and the derived verb ‘kauwagiri’. An example of a historic kauwa that immediately comes to mind is our very own Chunky Pandey during his heydays of wearing orange pants with yellow shirts, the fashion still being followed today by a particular batch-mate. RESTECPA!

In this case the discovery took place while on a trip to Chandigarh when the bus was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. As posterity will tell, the symbol of the city of Chandigarh went on to become the official ‘kauwa salute’ (the way to greet a fellow kauwa). As I have already given you a sneak peek as to how a kauwa ought to look, I now will tell you what you ought to do in today’s world to be treated, respected and if you are worthy enough, worshipped as a kauwa.

The Dress Code- Introduced to much fanfare on 1^st November, 2009 during Thomso, the official kauwa fest of the world, it includes the following items: A baseball cap facing sideways (Preferable colours: Red, Fluorescent Green), a simple black sweatshirt with a catchy tagline, three-fourths trousers lose enough, shoes without socks.

Accessories- A metallic wristwatch, sunglasses (Frame color strictly red), wristband.

The demeanour- Nothing surprises you, none of the things said or done around you makes you come up with an emotional response.

The talk- Be short and subtle. Phrases to be used repetitively are “Peace man!” and “Chill!”. Remember the thumb rule, crows don’t talk loudly they are supposed to be the epitome of kewl.

Peace out guys! And remember, as is the rule to have everything represented by an emoticon, kauwagiri offers two different emoticons for use. Use either _m/ or \m_ depending on which hand you use for the kauwa salute.

Gimme Shelter

2009-09-09T08:07:00.001-07:00

The other day when making another one of those oft made journeys back to Jawahar, I noticed a couple of sophomores I was acquainted with having an animated discussion about something. Thought the topic of conversation was something that would arouse a passerby’s curiosity, but fourth yearites are immune to such stuff. The only thing I could think of was going back to my room and then bug the hell out of them once I got hold of them online. (Ala Murtha style).

This begs the following question: Why would anyone like myself, who has to contend with so much work on his hands ; namely: Following Man Utd, Surfing Chickipedia, Folowing Man Utd, Surfing Chickipedia and so on and so forth, bother to take time of his busy schedule on the comp and talk to people?

The answer is that a fourth year is added to the curriculum for precisely for this reason. All the jackasses who you haven’t caught upon are talked to with renewed vigour and you have insane amount of time to yourself. Since the first three years go in teaching you that any free time is to be used as uselessly as possible, you cannot expect any fruitful activity can you?

Cutting to the chase I will add that surfing Chickipedia is probably one of the better uses I have seen. You will see why in the following paras. The batch of Mechanical 2010 had taken upon itself the seemingly lightweight task of getting a T-shirt printed for themselves. That’s a combination of 56 brains plus myself who have a combined IQ in double digits (including my own this time.). And this is where the story to be recounted in this post begins. Allow me some time as I go into the depths of my Trash folder and get all the mails on that thread out.

Faltu Fact: The previous sentence was typed out in this fashion because I was reading The White Tiger yesterday.

Now that I have done that, let me present to you some quotes from the threads, verbatim, so that the you get the real taste of the scoop and the fiasco that is the batch of Mechanical Engineers 2010.

The thread was started with much fanfare after being preluded in the class with discussions not less entertaining themselves.

Message 1: I Suggest we should have a jersey printed for everyone with thier
names on thier bak. It wud be slightly costly but then i think wud b
gud!

After a couple of messages people realised that T-shirts look better if they have some awesome tagline. You know the types of: “Fck ths sht: This is the IIT Attitutde”. So 54 brains now started thinking of coming up with something equally legen-wait for it-….

Message 6: are ye danger waka tattoo kya folky hai bhai.mast lg riya hia.

Message 20: I go for “From screwing to manufacturing , we do it all.”

I realised this was getting out of hand and the time saver that I am I immediately gave them something to think upon, my message being:

Message 40: kela hoga kela! bada waala!

Needless to say, the trick backfired and the usual chaos resumed.

Message 50: Ppl..y do we need a tagline at all..wat i am thinkni of is..justa pic in the front...danger vaali..peeche mein mechanical enginner @ iit roorkee..with mechanical engineers wo blue vaali tee jaise font mein..aur iit roorkee written with things related to mechanical..jaise i mentioned earlier..O ke liye gears...I aur T ke liye Screws and nuts..

Some people meanwhile had heeded the penultimate message and unjoined the group. Having recently read a couple of Wodehouses, I wasn’t one of them and hence was privy to this:

Message 70: ladon aur ladon!!! end mein evrybody make u'r own design nd print u'r own tshirt.....

With some intellectuals chipping in as

Message 80: hello all. well i agree with maya's opinion. the thing is,how many t-shirts r there that u might have seen with a big/main design at the back side??(not much i s'pose).and also u all must have seen the branded t-shirts which have the main design at the front side only and don't have any tagline but still looks gr8. that's wat

The message actually did end with “that’s wat” and in no way has been censored. Meanwhile

Message 85: abe wo haddi wala sign to ana hi chahiye... wo nai hoga to mech engg kaise lagega...i mean gears wagera to sab bohot hi basic si cheezzien hoti hain mech ki t shirt pe us sign mien sab kuch hai....
Yours truly had had enough

Message 95:Kela hua kela!! sab aaj is khushi mein ek ek kela khaana!

The reply was prompt

Message 96: ABE YR " U have to risk it to get the Biscit" :P

Things were heating up and you could sense a climax when the resident bodybuilder pumped up his online image and

Message 117: The last post from ninja is d final design. This thread is no more open for discussion. Thank you all for your ideas and ass-istance.

The design “agreed” upon was the image you see on the top.

Epilogue.

Its 0100 hrs and there is someone knocking at my door. I get up and there enters the greatest of em’ all with the following line: Kya ch***** tha who sab? Hum Mech-D thode pehenenge. Abe you are supposed to be intelligent right? Tu kuch soch aur jo tu bolega wahi print hoga.

In the words of the batch of Electrical 2010: Mechanical, Hila ke rakh de!

Immortal Words

2009-08-22T02:58:00.000-07:00

If there was one thing I would like to remember about my life at R, it would be, in one word, “awesomeness”. If Morpheus had it his way, awesomeness would have been like Matrix, being everywhere around us. We would eat it, breath it and even shit it! As the following verses will show, my 3 years at R haven’t failed to disappoint me in the verbal sector. Presenting to you the 10 most legendary lines that have been spoken. Lines that have and will stand the test of time:

1) “Skills Raa Re” –Senior Sunki. Although the real name of the speaker isn’t known, this statement makes it to the top on the basis of sheer orgasmic feeling the speaker went through when he saw Yayha Toure rounding a defender and slotting in a goal from an acute agle. Legen-wait for it-dary.

2) “Its Hard”- Sunki (The Bulk) revealing his naughty side on being questioned about girls thereby proving once and for all that he isn’t a complete asexual but perversion is his deepest innermost trait.

3) “C’mmon man! Wass going on man! You’re IIT man!”- An exasperated faculty having the most Rajasthani-fake-American accent possible on a student entering late in the class. True Story.

4) “No offence”-Mr. Jugga on being offended. For example: “Jugga you’re a jackass!” will be replied as: “No offence!”

5) “I agree with all my friends here”-Vikash ‘calamity’ Singh during a GD being verbose and displaying remarkable talent and agreeing with both sides of the point at the same time. Genius.

6) “I wonder if a hello is the best way to begin this”- Technically though not a verbatim but it was in said form when I came across it for the first time. MVRM being at his flirtatious best and writing a mail which was more of a guide to his blog mentioned here and here too.

7) “We do and we let it to do”- Udaykiran Edikoju giving a highly technical definition of the difference between Forced Convection and Free Convection. The statement in question brought him full marks whereas other mortals after giving random seemingly more technical phattas were politely asked to screw themselves.

8) “Deepak humaara neta hai, sabka munh mein leta hai!”- Campaign slogan for a guy named Deepak back in my first year makes this the oldest of the entries in this list. Ritu Bahuguna anyone?

9) “Reverse reverse, torque torque, very easy, very easy!”- Another enlightened faculty mocking us with his intelligence on being asked a question about ‘Reverse Torque’. The statement, later as he told us, was supposed to be the answer to the said question. Succinct.

10) “Ni amma”- The latest entry to this list. This is the haddu slang for derogating ‘your mom’. Qualities include being extremely sweet on the ears and if spoken to a haddu bringing a smile rather than a frown to his face!

Oh lord, we pray to thee! Let us be good enough that we may make it to the list sometime soon. Amen!

From The Dark Snows.....

2009-08-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

One of the primary reasons I found myself in an unjolly mood throughout my intern was because United, after having a fairytale season lost in an inexplicable manner to Barcelona in the Champions League Final. After having watched that under a bout of the most terrible flu of my life, there definitely has to be some award on the lines of “Survival of the shittest” given to me. The do-all game, atleast for me and the performance had reminded me of the performance of ‘Aap Mujhe Acche Lagne Lage’ at the BO.

That was about three months ago, and yeah I forget to mention your misery has to continue when you find you lose your best player who happens to be the best in the world too and also discover that another player whom you thought to be the most committed was doing a Peter Pettigrew on you. Things certainly did look gloomy!

Crosstown rivals and competitors for the “Bastards of the Premier League” alongwith Chelsea FC, Citeh, meanwhile were scooping up players much like The Bulk. You know, when he sets his sight on something to eat, it usually ends up in his mouth. There isn’t much of an option with anyone.

On top of that you also realise that the hallowed No.7 jersey has been awarded to a player who scored more than two hundred goals for your greatest rivals. But like I said, that was three months ago!

I have just gotten over the complete annihilation of Valencia CF and that’s saying so when I was just reading the blog version of its live coverage. Berbatov seems untouchable (as in the way nobody else can touch him, but ofcourse you get that!), Macheda with every game screams, “Pick me gaffer!” and boy oh boy it has to be some day when you contemplate on how actually John O’ Shea is a brilliant asset for the team. Its around 10 days remaining to the start of the season and I have to admit the goosebumps haven’t been this spooky anytime during the past 10 years.

Bring it on Bitches!

Check it out this!

2009-08-01T07:06:00.001-07:00

Your life in college, chronologically is much like your infatuation with movies. You start out with excitement and possibly anything that is thrown your way makes you ponder upon it. Then is the next stage wherein you tell yourself your priorities and don’t go universal. By the end of third stage you are practically a veteran and more or less have experience on your side to guide other people even if in your yonder years you had turned a nought yourself (Notice the alliteration). The current stage is what exactly would be called niche art. Precisely why that cinema is so boring, I get the hang of it now. That would pretty much describe an average fourth year in an engineering college.

Some (that would be me) would also say: Life in college, chronologically is like your taste in porn. Though it would be apt here to point out that though the argument is less politically correct, it is a more accurate analogy.

Not having a football season around too adds boredom and of course you start missing your seniors and realise that you really don’t know anyone in your own college apart from your classmates because apparently, for a junior, you are nothing more than a Basilisk. Only in this case he isn’t killed, rather propelled to the administration ready to cut your throat to return your stare. The other day I saw a fellow fourth year cajoled out of a Table Tennis table by a mere glare of “Bhaiya!”

Of course, the above droning, like most of my theories comes a cropper in real life. People here, even of you aren’t acquainted with them, remain as awesome as ever. With time running out, the official guide to awesomeness “100 Most Awesome People of the Insti You Must Meet”, is being prepared. Safe here to say that mah experiences play in important part in deciding who is worth your time and who isn’t. People into super-kewl blogging have just entered the race with one blogger claiming he has a crush on a professor (the professor in question is male and so is the blogger by the way) and the other claiming he wants to kill a batchmate whenever he sees her, that in turn because he loves her.

The faculty isn’t far behind either where candidate qualities include a heavily Rajasthani fake American accent mixed with the grammar of a dog, Parseltounge and getting yourself on the coverpage of Vogue. The mere thought of meeting such fantabulous, mind blasting personalities at one go could get Paris Hilton wet with anticipation (If you catch my drift!!).

And there you are again, you really aren’t bothered about the status quo, you get out of your room and enjoy these people and your ruminations regarding each day being your last calendar day in the insti takes a back seat. The 101^st seat, I must say.

Konichiwah

2009-07-09T04:28:00.000-07:00

More than half the people who come to visit India, probably come here just to see the majestic Taj Mahal. Ofcourse they don’t realize that something more majestic happened here on 24th August,1988 but then someone did wisely ask “Khaega Kela?”
The holidays couldn’t have taken a more blissful turn ever since I landed in Agra with a movie every other day. The reviews in short:
New York- Surprisingly, after listening to people go “PATHETIC!”, I found it reasonable and actually a well thought out movie.
Kambakht Ishq- Decent comedy. Kareena looks smok-wait for it-hot-wait for it-hotter. There aren’t more reasons to watch the movie for a time.
Terminator 4- Not Bad. Though I was strangely reminded of Brisingr asin the plot went forward about a couple of inches.
Kal Kissne Dekha- 200 bucks Inox ticket. Out in 20 minutes. So the movie was beyond awessome!
Those were the reviews about which, I am sure, all you people give two and a half hoots.
Coming back to my stay in Agra, the stay has been made even better by my loving aunts, one of whom is a master chef and the other one’s husband is a hotshot civil servant. So with all the innumerable contacts that have sprung in the city, I have comfortably visited places. A special no holds barred cocktail contest with a friend in the bar of “The Mughal Sheraton” must be thrown light upon. I was, of course, the loser. But you, my dear reader, are the real loser now!
The vacations have had their worse moments vis a vis me leaving my lappy charger in the train and then sitting on the remainder of the partnership thereby obliterating its screen. This reminds me, I have to get it fixed. Also, leaving my whole book collection in M’s extremely unreliable hands could prove to be dangerous.
Apart from this, I really don’t think that “catching up on me” would really do a world of good. But writing about it seemingly does me exactly that for I have to quell that insatiable thirst for writing the like of which Rowling, Woodhouse, Tolkein and Stinson all have complained about.
P.S. Strange style of writing due to, like I said earlier, not typing on my own comp.

Guptaji de do......

2009-06-03T08:02:00.001-07:00

It feels weird to type out your blog on someone else’s comp. Having not written anything for the past one month has taken its toll on me. So Jamshedpur it is for now and I have absolutely no idea how long it is going to be. The intern is phasing not in an unexpected manner though I can safely say it would be the most non-farzi part of my curriculum, past or future.

I only recently had a chance after a long time to devour on friends' blogs. The admin here sucks bigtime and they have blocked “blogspot” as a domain. So anywhoo, I found that Dela and Kaka, true to themselves haven’t made an effort, luckier though they are than me in terms of access to internet. Lefty typically wrote a classy one which said all about his emotions towards R. Rapu tried to do something on similar lines, then found he was a robot. Murtha for a change was quite unperky (To Murtha: Welcome to the club dude!!).

So much so for a detour, getting things back to me, life here has sprung some surprises. Not always the pessimist, I choose to move on leaving the fact that some of my batchees have been given probably every comfort known to man (spacetravel included) whereas I, well to simply put it, haven’t. Though I do plan to make my time here worth by visiting all the adjoining areas. Puri, it is for the upcoming weekend.

Having M here for company is an added advantage because there are always those “GREATEST QUOTE OF ALL TIME” moments. One particular incident comes to mind when I made an extremely,well, unchauvinistic observation on a lady being examined for her heartbeat. So I told M about our equivalent when we are examined for hernia and hydrosil. M, not being remotely surprised asked whether SHE was being examined for hernia. My laughter, though having a high decibel count was instantly quietened when in a fit of joy, I hit my hand on the ceiling fan.

Wow, I am really at a loss here for words. I had thought of many things to write, but a month is a long time and frankly, United sucked in the final. That has dampened my mood a lot. I always thought going with one striker hasn’t been our strength, but Fergie is God and you trust him. Didn’t work out unfortunately, though unlike the scouse bastards, I always think the talk of “next year” never dies down for United and maybe we’ll usurp them. Knock them of their effing perch, we will.

I also wanted to write a senti blog on bidding goodbyes to all the seniors, though obviously, I am way beyond that but just as a message “You all will be remembered!”.

I put an end here for the timebeing probably knowing that it will be another long period before my portal is again lit up by my, exquisite anyone?, writing. Plans to meet Lefty in Cal still give joy and then last but not least, insti would never have seemed as welcoming as it would when I get there about 45 days from now.

Arrideverci!

P.S.-The title will be elaborated only on personal queries. Just to clear thingsup, it has nothing to do with me dwelling here.

Catch Phrases

2009-04-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

And they never cease to disappoint us. The Devils were at it again! The victory over Spurs should now silence the Scousers once and for all about whatever pretences they had towards the Crown of British Football.
Keeping the jovial in mind and after a long long time, I’ll write again on matters pertaining to my life at R. Without any further ado or pretences of my own I present to you, the list of 10 most awesome notices as put up on Bhawan notice boards and duly taken note of by the author. Sit back and enjoy:

1)Notice banning playing football in a hostel:
Intimates of Ravindra Bhawan are advised to not to play footwall inside the bhawan.-Undersigned by the Warden! (Tactful you think?)

2)Notice warning against theft threats:
Thief is all around you! You have given full authority to check any suspense person you find who has stolen something. You can lock them in bathroom too. Any person found suspensely moving in any corridor can be checked. Your safety is in your hands. (WTF??)

3)Notice asking for some sanity in the bathrooms (Pasted on a bathroom door):
This is bathroom! Behave as literate as you are.

4)Notice regarding PDA:
Couples have been spotted in compromising positions at certain locations in CBRI campus. Henceforth, anyone found moving suspiciously will be punished severely.- The orientation of “couples” was never revealed.

5)Fake death of Chief Warden:
A photo of the warden with phool ki maala around his neck is found one morning, a day before the TS. It is with immense sorrow that we announce the death of Dr. XXX. To solemnly mark the occasion, the test series have been postponed indefinitely.-Black humour.

6)Inter Bhawan Sports:
An inter bhawan “Poshampa Bhai Poshampa” tournament will be organised in front of the main building on the given dates. Interested candidates need not apply.

7)Mess Utensils:
Mess ke bartan jiske paas bhi hon,kripya jaldi se jaldi wapas kar dijiye………and so callously written below it is……”hain. Par nahin doonga!”

8)Vouge Auditions:
Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes? Do you think you have what it takes?- Vogue auditions!!
I fell for this!!

9) Pendrive lost:
I lost 4gb pendrive in library. I anyone found it, give it to me. My name is return on it.-contacts followed.

10)Prospective Mess Secretary:
Bored of stale food? Don’t worry, I will provide amlete in mess everyday and sweat will be given to you everyday! Vote for me……

P.S.:Lack of photographic evidence shouldn’t be translated to lack of authenticity.

You'll Never Wank Alone!

2009-04-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

Okay Agreed! I have spent way too much time going down south on people’s blogroll lists. All for good reason, I told myself. For indeed I had opened this MS Word “New Document” a few times only to be struck again by the thought of this just not being one of those blogging days. Lefty claims blogging gets to you and you start yearning for it. I am not there yet and one of the main reasons I can actually blog is because I see things worth writing about, not that I am even a trifle of a good writer.

Anyways, two weeks in R-land, with nothing much to boot and the TS’s approaching (they are going on!), you cannot help but get a gloomy look to yourself. Just how many people have commented “Sushi seems quiet today!”, I have lost the count of them.

Enter, Barclays Premier League. Yeah, you know what I’ll go on and on and on about. Scouse bastards had only yesterday overtaken us at the top of the table with another of their cheap “triple deflected onto the path of Stevie Me, who tries to pass it on to Fernando “frigging baster who actually believes Fat Spanish Waiter is his dad” Torres, only for the pass to be triple deflected onto Yossi “the wannabe Stevie Me” Benayoun’s path who calmly closes his eyes, and tries to hit the ball towards his own goal but the ball goes into the other one” goals in injury time.

Anywhoo…..even a hardcore fan like me thought “Another fucking goal in injury time…Man they are doing what we did in that season. This could be their year.” Fergie aka God had said his first line as Manchester United’s manager back in 1986: I want to knock Liverpool off their fucking perch.

That being half done, all he has to do now is win another Premier league title and Manchester United will officially become the greatest club in England.

Today we witnessed how he will do it. The match was against Aston Villa. The venue: Theatre of Dreams. It’s 81 minutes into the match and we are trailing 2-1. If it continues this way, we would have succumbed to a third straight defeat for the first time in more than 8 years.

“Kya ghusa pada hai aaj to buri tarike se! Ek bhi dhang ka chance nahin second half mein!”, comments the Bihari Potter. Asif in reply, the man of the moment, Christiano Ronaldo conjures a magic left footer beating the keeper to the far post and we are level.

2-2 it is after we had synced our celebrations to those happening at the Stretford End. Still, if it stays this way we fail to go top of the league. Fergie, again aka God, throws in a complete rookie, Macheda, who fresh from his hat-trick for the reserves makes his first appearance for the senior side.

All but 17 years of age, with that look of boyhood still on him, he comes on and immediately makes an impact with a penetrating run. The clock says 90 minutes are over with us chering to the sign of “5 Minutes for injury time”. The more, the merrier.

We simply had to win this one. This one gone and we would have done a Newcastle and Kevin “luv it” Keegan.

93^rd minute: Giggsy gives the ball to Macheda.

Italics represent feelings. Feelings, which, in those split seconds are so large they can take minutes to say word for word. You practically have the whole season right infront of your eyes imagining it, pass by pass!

No one in front of him, he’ll have to go solo. Fat chance of anything worth happening.

Macheda takes a first touch to create a yard of space. Wrongfoots the defender.

Oh my God! He’s taking a shot…

It’s a curler, goes past the hapless Freidel.

Holy shit! Its going in….this cannot be possible!

……..and it went in.

P.S.: My first lame attempt at an enigmatic ending.

P.P.S: Dela and Prondu, "Hard luck fellows!" To go to Bombay and give a non "kela khao" performance is noteworthy enough.

Hot Millions

2009-03-19T05:49:00.000-07:00

It has been 20 days since I last posted. A lot has happened since then. A visit, my first, to that ever so talked about land of the female residence with Dela resulted in us scribing our names on the walls adjacent to the room of some poor girl whose name we still don’t know to apologise to.

Then came the Goa trip with all my batchees and that is something now so closely etched in my memory that I think I could not do it justice with my writing abilities, or lack thereof.

And of course there was yesterday. “Remember Remember the 18^th of March!”, shouted an exuberant self when The Viper and Dela had done the ever envied Lit proud (Was that sarcasm??). I had played my own part in this remarkable dance of fate bringing the two together and from then it was reflection perfection.

Taj Hotel, Chandigarh rang to the tunes of “Ek do teen chaar…IITR IITR” and with more quips coming from yours truly. People around the institute have suddenly started thinking this bunch of people who think quoting toons and movies in funny are infact useful and not entirely jobless!

I wont destroy the moment thinking too much about it…..

Congrats Lit.

That GG Feeling.

2009-03-01T02:15:00.000-08:00

I am not a winner, nor am I a perennial loser. But one thing that people generally do associate me with is my ability to solve problems. They also call me a pervert but that’s for another day. Of late I have noticed lots of things. Nicole Kidman has aged like wine, Chelsea fans have gone from being silently jealous to watching United matches howling them to lose instead of watching their own utterly “as dry as Ross’s 6 month dry streak after which he nearly proposed to his cousin” dry matches, HHH has only become hornier by the minute and of course Nicole Kidman has aged like wine. I did mention that but I cannot emphasize it enough.

Coming back to problem solving. Dan Brown before belching out page turning thrillers by the year and before assuming a demeanour meant to convey a clue to his next book with every bat of his eyelashes wrote a book under the pseudonym of a girl i.e. Danielle Brown. That book was titled “187 ways to avoid romantically frustrated men”. The book though, just a moderate success does tell you every author starts small. Every author starts by being utterly lame. Although comparing myself to Dan Brown would be a tad too harsh on the chap, I do feel I am right now at the same juncture he was then. This is going to be lameness personified. And in being lame I will solve the problem that threatens the section of mankind ranging from Sunki “Its Hard!” N to M “extremely long and I mean pain-in-the-ass long middle name” Murthy.

Problem: Ways for romantically frustrated men (like HHH) to get a woman of their dreams or to be precise, wet dreams.

Solution: It will only be natural to assume here that none of my prospective clients have the suaveness of a Brosnan or the ruggedness of Craig. Because, if they had either of the two they would have bonded and shaken (not stirred) their way to victory. Enough of this chit chat. Let’s get down to business:

1)Make sure whenever you are wooing her, you use your USP. Like for me….no there are just too many USP’s for me. Say for example, John Abraham. He uses the fact that camera cannot capture his talks and whatever he talks (his language I have been told resembles The Dark Tongue of Mordor) doesn’t get across. What does get across are those rock hard abs which you might have if you are having a dream within a dream. Oh, that’s another legendary movie reviewed here.

2)Get the competition out of the way. Spreading rumours about your love like bad breath, bad smell although might seem ethically compromising but you sure will reap the rewards later. This particularly helps in narrowing down the number of dogs running towards that famed bijli ka khamba next lane.

3)Get her phone number. Now, folks this is based on a true story. A guy “accidentally” calls a girl up. Says, sorry it’s a wrong number but leaves the girl intrigued enough to……Of course, you need guts to pull this off and probably if you are seriously following this post, you have an iota of them of and so we’ll continue.

4)The ‘in thing’ as the Man Himself might have me believe is to be ultra clichéd in your approach tell her that “Every cloth that you are wearing is yours, and every cloth she is wearing is hers”. Its success shown here.

5)Call her mom and tell her that you are in the world because of her (Extremely long story. No need to understand. Jut do the bloody thing!). Again follow the previous link to view its astounding success!

6)Actually do something other than read my blog.

7)Who are we kidding! Get some chloroform and go old school.

**As always, the blogs are strictly the opinions of the writer. The opinions of Jennifer Aniton, Angelina Jolie, Preity Zinta and SHE might take a different view of such matter.

Some Luck Some Chance....

2009-02-15T03:54:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was when the squall of the midsems got over. Needless to say all that fist pumping at the start of the sem to finally get my act together and climb up the ghissue ladder, went down the toilet and I ended up coming up with one or two funny quotes to scribble on the desk during the middle of the exam. That notwithstanding, yesterday also happened to the day people are supposed to show some love. As Triple H so candidly puts it, “All sorts of arbit people are committed man!”

Ofcourse, Triple H’s credibility is at stake here because he hardly talks about anyone else than a particular member of the female community. But for once, I do agree with him. (To Triple H: Don’t feel bad, I still with all my sadism intact will listen to your lame stories!) Okay back to the topic, a trip to Dehradun was put off and a trio consisting of yours truly, Sweaty Teddy and the Mallu Tanker ended up having some high fun by the canal.

Some serious chit-chat later about committed people missing out on a lot, the so often abused "system" and committed people really missing out on a lot, the latter two went to their own parivaar for some management and I decided to go Dela’s room for getting some sort of entertainment.

After our hearts fell when we came to know we couldn’t watch MTV Roadies with the matkas, we decided to catch a flick. That flick turned out to be “Luck by Chance”.

Now, I seriously think Zoya Akhtar got the spelling wrong, mixing up the “F” that ought to be there with “L”. That, atleast would have given the movie a catchy title. I sometimes really feel that the bad movies, I mean the real bad ones are underappreciated. How can anyone know what’s good until they have watched a “Rock On!” (Wass’ Going On?) or a “A walk (definitely not) to Remember”. This movie is also one of those.

The man of the moment, Farhan “profound dialogies” Akhtar delivers a sterling performance as an actor who cannot act. On second thoughts, this might as well have been a biopic. Farhan “profound dialogues” Akhtar is an actor who cannot act. Like was pointed out, he was outdone in Rock On by sheer class that was Luke Kenny. (Jiska tumour uske dimaag ka hissa ban chuka hai!). The sole good looking point (apart from the fact that Farhan Akhtar would make for a very good piece of furniture in my future household), is the smok-wait for it-ing hot Isha Sharwani. With the catch being that she is shown to fall for stupid lines like, “Is kamre mein saare kapde mere hain siwaaye unke jo tumne pehen rakhein hain!”

Anywhoo, with that movie out of my system, I watched Barca uncharasterically faltering against Betis. They are a joy to watch when on song, but I do feel give them a tactical English opposition and they will fall like (hmmm…look at that) Luke Kenny when his tumour/brain explodes. Some perverted fun with Triple H later and then with a long bakar session well into the early morning, I finally called the curtains on the day at a bright time of 8 A.M.

Merry St. Valentine’s Day everyone!

Going, Going, Gone.

2009-02-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

My biological clock has turned upside down since the past few days. Not something new in budding “engineers” I know, but one cannot fail to notice what a silent night (like the current one) and some memoirs can do to a person who most people would think of as having a sentimental range of a cockroach.

Today’s afternoon brought with it some excessive free time, which was ideally (and idly) whiled away at our very own Central Perk. Discussions on 'the hottest girl', The White Tiger, 'that random good looking girl on the road', insti took away the time when yours truly was summoned for some more fruitful activity.

Cut to the chase. My insti is something I am extremely proud of. Whether the reverse is true, I wouldn’t know but see, even Darth K9 who called the place a "shityard" at every given opportunity is feeling “Kabhie Khushi Kabhi Gham” when it comes to bidding adieu. I particularly remember “falling in love” on that fateful night I had to go the Old Library for some formalities when I saw the lawns bathed in light, the insti clock ticking away (as it has been for the past 160 years). For a first yearite who wouldn’t have taken long to pee in his pants at the very sight of a mean looking senior, you can imagine what the feeling would have been. Harry Potter had received his Nimbus 2000.

That was then. This is now, when this place is a shadow a glorious former self. When we see, some of the oldest parts of the institute demolished for swanky new structure, (A six storey lecture hall complex, for example.), we’re probably the only ones who cringe at this. To bystanders, it might be increasing infrastructure, to me its demolishing heritage. I make no pretences, those shabby one room quarters lined up wouldn’t have served one purpose, but they sure as hell are more to me than that complex would ever be. And that’s, in my own idiosyncrasy, when I have never even set foot inside them.

Of course, I don’t blame the administration for all this. To quote a famous cliché: “Its all politics.” Or to quote Loha, the movie: “Kauwe ne liya cheel ka chumma aur cheel ne paida kiya chuhe ka baccha!”

*Analogies as you see fit.

Anyways, in whatever humble way is possible for me, I say “Goodnight!” to “those one roomed structures behind the new library!”

P.S.: I’m not drunk.

P.P.S.: Really. You’re gonna have to trust me.

Dreams Within Dreams- The Review

2009-01-31T15:14:00.000-08:00

Last night I was wondering about the fact that arts and media as we know them don’t have a legend from our generation. For example, the generation before us had Guns n Roses, before them there were the Iron Madien and Led Zep, then before them was King Presley. If we come onto movies before us people had Kubrick, before him was Hitchcock and before him was Kurosawa.

Lo and behold was I wrong bigtime! Legends are present. Only if you look for them in the right places.

It was asif an answer from the Gods themselves. There are times when things hit you with such profoundness that you start believing in the supernatural. Today (earlier tonight) I mean is one such day when inspite the fact that my clock shows 0456 hours I type away as vibrant as Chutiya (Of Gunda fame and not the derogatory term you will think of), after taking those manpills of his.

“Dreams within Dreams” is a rebellion. Okay it’s a movie made by some college kids but I do have to sound big don’t I? It’s a rebellion against all sorts of cinema that has left entertainment to nothing but a mode of showing skin and making people dream (Pun intended.). So when you see the protagonist walking in and the camera (the same as used during benchmark ventures like "Loha" and "Raam Gopal Verma ki G***d mein Aag") focussing on his shoes, you say to yourself “Hang on! This seems cliché but it certainly is making my head squirm”.

IIT Roorkee and its environs weren’t made a better use of anytime else. And I mean that including the time when the great Upper Ganga Canal was built using nothing but engineers from our institute. So whereas you have the lush gardens of main building providing a picturesque setting for “true love”, there are the dusty parks in front of Govind Bhawan providing some much needed privacy for our hero and heroine to coodle around in.

A couple of points worth mentioning:

1) “true love” above refers to a gesture wherein a female bends down and puts her arms forward in what seemingly less mature people might describe as an impressive impression of a chimpanzee.

2) The costume designers deserve a big hand (literally!) as the costumes leave an indelible mark with you exclaiming “Hey! What’s the use of swanky new clothes in those SRK movies when these work fine?”

So much so for the superficial aspects, lets do an in depth analysis of this masterpiece whose, last I heard, copy had been requested by the SPCA (Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Actors).

The director has outdone Kanti Shah. It wouldn’t be unjust to say that had Kubrick been alive, he would have opened his Eyes Wide Shut and eaten the brains off (again literally!) of this debutant. With what finesse has been the whole venture directed, you would be shocked to know that this movie in fact DID NOT win the Oscar for the Best film of the year. That distinction went to The Departed. I mean come on, Scorsese with another of his movie having more four letter words than a Joe F Keinar rant. Leonardo Di Caprio! That kid needs a 1912 manufactured steamer to make love. Our institute surely is better than that!

People will be going for my skin I am sure after they read this. You know Spielberg, Lucas, the jealous types who just cant stand the fact that some others can have more artistic talent than them!

So people, heed what I have written and watch this saga of romance, passion and a teacher who syncs writing on an empty blackboard. You would then have a story to tell to your grandkids.

The Beijing Diaries!

2009-01-27T04:22:00.000-08:00

Lots of things have happened over the past month. The trip to Allahabad comes to mind, or to be precise, the return trip where yours truly and his companions (10 in all) were forced to spend 9 hours on two top tier berths. The Fat Rocker displayed his Dostana feelings and was immediately shunned.

Okay I mustn't digress.

I have received a lot of flak for not writing extensively on my stay in the Capital of Dragonland. The primary reason that this post has come late is because I had stuff to do (No, really!) and this is one mammoth post to follow. So yes, the funny, the not-so-funny et al…

****Italics represent comments passed in Hindi so that the unsuspecting fellow Chinese didn’t understand them:

1) We met an amiable fellow while buying some mineral water. One talk led to another and the next thing you know he was walking with us. Cynics pointed out he could be one of those thugs that the travel guidebooks warn tourists against. The group decided to dodge him by going the other way rather than going straight to the hostel. Mr. Dumbass, true to his name and in his self righteous element meanwhile was walking with the chap.

Chorus: “Dumbass! We have to go this way!”

Dumbass: “No we don’t!”

Me: “Dumbass! We are trying to bluff our way out of this character….so just shut up and follow!”

Dumbass: “ACTUALLY…I know what you guys are confused between; those two roads look exactly the same. Trust me we have to go this way (Pointing to the hostel)!”

Me: “Okay that’s it! You actually don’t have any brains do you. Just follow us or trust me you’ll regret the day you were born!”

Chorus: “Dumbass! Dumbass!”

Senses restored, Dumbass finally decided to tag along.

2)Bejing has an awesome nightlife, for the locals as well as tourists there are all sorts of clubs and bars for gamut of tastes. The nightclub street in question was called Hi Hao. So a taxi was hailed. Unfortunately, language isn’t that awesome and trying to communicate with a local can be as tough as drilling some sense into a Chelsea fan.

Me: Hi hao!

Driver: Blank look

ME: Hi hao!

Driver: “rfgjgojgfjdfkldfdlfjdfljdlfjdfljf(probably his equivalent of: You guys are the biggest jerks ever! GET OUT!)”

Me: Hi Hao (Trying to Chinesize my accent)

Driver: (Comprehension Dawns!) Shows a Thumbs up….Smiles weirdly!

Some Soul:“Is everyone here this big a git or are WE complete losers?”

20 minues later

Driver: “sdkgdfhdskfhsfkgkdgf (probably asking us to get down)”

We pay the driver, thank god the bill was in English (YES! Taxis there have a billing system!!)

Pretty girl comes up: “You want a lady, sir?”

30 seconds of being dumbfounded

Chorus: “Oh damn! Shithead dropped us at the wrong place!”

Shouting in the distance. Its our friends pointing to come their way. As you can see, we were dropped at a very wrong place but not by much. The club street wasn’t far. Still could’ve been much worse! (Or better?)

3)Chinese markets are extremely cheap. Especially the Palika Bazaar types, where the fakes are really good and are a real bargain. The catch is the starting price what the shopkeepers (all women, which is a very good marketing strategy) quote is sky high, so it can be a time consuming process reaching an agreement over payments. The one thing that probably everyone had to shop for handbags and ladies’ purses for all the mothers, sisters, friends, relatives et al. The solitary girl who happened to be with us was summoned to decide “What looked good?”, “What is in?”. After sometime she vehemently Up yours’ed us (Gayatri! This will come back to haunt you!) and went on her own shopping when the questioning had gone a little overboard. Left in the shop were 5 boys, shopping for purses for the first time ever. I mean I have shopped before but who in the name of Dr. Jesus H. Coxx remembers their prices?

Anywhoo…, 10 purses were shortlisted. Now comes the fun part. The shopkeeper quoted a price so exorbidant even Bill Gates would’ve done a double take on! (It’s the drill you know…that Pallika Bazar routine.) Our first quote was a measly 10 yuan (That’s 70 Rupees) for each purse. Hmmm….in hindsight it was a mistake wasn’t it? I mean, a leather purse the size of a school bag for 70 bucks!

Needless to say the shopkeeper was pissed. She, with utmost seriousness didn’t say anything just politely said “Get out!” (This was after approximately 30 minutes of scrutininising probably each and every bag in there!). We took the cue and left. As we were leaving she actually got a little angry and whacked me on the shoulder with a picking stick!

Although I was too shell shocked to go in there again, some fellow comrades persisted and did eventually buy all those bags. All in all, the trip was as fruitful (Puma shoes Rs. 350/- anyone!) and I also came to know even shopping can be dangerous to health.

P.S. More encounters of the strange kind to follow.

P.P.S. Tosic, Fabio, Rafael, Possebon....another Golden Generation people?

At Someone Else's Funeral

2009-01-22T04:31:00.000-08:00

Voyeur (noun): a person who gets sexual pleasure from secretly watching other people in sexual situations, or (more generally) a person who watches other people's private lives

There is a class of criminals, say noted police authorities all over the world, which are on the rise and sort of define the latest trend in criminology. These are the “voyeurs”. Now, of course their definition applies to those heinous activities which do not fall under the domain of what might be called “normal” (Maddu pronunciation: “Naaaaaarmal”).

But as yours truly really discovered today what he had been suspecting for long was how there is a voyeur in each one of us. Stay with me here because the circumstances will not remain this serious for long.

Just remember the last time you took sadistic pleasure in a spicy gossip. Everyone has been there done that. I always think this particular trait unlike many others but also like some others, is immune to your background or your being. Its universal.

For reasons of privacy (read:mobbed), the name of the victim hasn’t been disclosed.

One day previously:

Professor: (Gibberish)

The Bulk: Oye Victim! Tell them about your rendezvous today!

Myself: Was that about what I think its about?

Victim: Yes, but she was just here enroute Dehradun, I met her for just some time.

No prizes for guessing what this blog will be all about.

Myself: C’mmon man! You know the drill!

*Victim doesn’t disclose anything of vital(?) interest.

2 hours previously (Events occur in real time):

Professor: (Gibberish)

The Bulk: Why isn’t the victim here?

Myself: Werent you supposed to bring him along?

The Bulk: I know but…wait I’ll call him! (Calls him)….ahaan! (Raised eyebrows, mild shock, slight understanding, mocking smile with a hint of sadism) Okay! He says he is someplace else.

Myself (putting two and two together): Can it be? That committed bastard!

The Bulk and myself then engaged in a coversation about sadism, curiosity, girls. I don’t know how books came into picture but yes they were mentioned. Meanwhile, the machine design tutorial was rotting on its own. It could wait. There were more pressing (pun intended) matters at hand.

The Bulk: That’s it! I cant wait! (Sorry Bulk, its my blog!)….(calls) Oye ass! Where are you?….(diabolical expression) …He says he’s at SP (it’s the R-land version of Saagar Ratna). Why the hell would he miss a class for SP?

Myself: If it is what I think it is then we should so go there.

The Bulk: Totally.

Myself: Awesome. (Music in my head: “Jailhouse Rock” by Presley)

So the duo sets out and on the way are encountered other morons.

Chorus: Why so happy?

buzz……buzz…..buz……buzzzzzzzz…… as all are updated

Chorus: Ohooooooooo…….

We march towards our destination, all perverted up. The victim comes from the opposite direction all smiles and with a dreamy expression accompanied by none other than the Pig himself.

Chorus: Shocking expression! (Music in my head: “Keep the faith” by Bon Jovi)

The Pig: You think we are dumb? We boarded them off as soon as you called.

Pervert # 1: They were MORE than one?

The Pig: Yes. (Music in my head: “The day that never comes” by Metallica)

14:59:57…..14:59:58…..14:59:59….15:00:00

P.S.: “You’re gonna have to trust me”-Jack Bauer to random people he meets on streets!

So, what is shaking?

2009-01-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

Well, probably by now you have been wished “Happy New Year” umpteen times, so I’ll skip over the formalities (or really?). Anyways, I find out that December is jinxed for my blog as both in Dec-07,08 have I not been able to post anything on this much revered portal. That doesn’t necessarily translate to that things are mundane. The truth you’ll find out is far from it.

So yes, December. It did start off on a pretty bad note with having to tackle two end sem exams (You know, the usual!) and then it went straight into 5^th gear with preparations starting off for a trip to Dragonland. Time whizzed past by before it was 16^th December (Happy Birthday Papa!) and we were on our way. Apart from Heineken and an extremely good rock Radio Channel, there isn’t much to say about the flight. (You just know the air hostesses aren’t upto the mark when I don’t mention them right?)

And so we landed and hereon start the anecdotes. When we were told Beijing would be cold, we thought “Yeah right, colder than Roorkee? Fat chance!”. We were wrong big time. The whole time we were there, the temperature hardly reached the comfortable side of zero. Case in point being when some hot chocolate which skims off the straw, freezes before it reaches your jacket and you are able to wipe it off like biscuit wafers.

Sightseeing went as planned with visits to The Great Wall, The Temple of Heaven and Tianmen Square providing tourist interests. Shopping took a new meaning with bargaining reaching new heights. And you definitely know it’s a unique incidence when you are actually smacked with a stick by a shopkeeper.

The official part of the seminar was freshening to say the least with, yours truly leading his multinational group to a victory by turning them into the Justice League ( a typical BBT moment if you will!). Also probably the first and last time my dancing was appreciated. Probably more so because people don’t know how Indian dance is done, but still it counts.

Well yes, the reference is probably as Lefty put it once “Some trips are so sacred you cant put them in words!” so here I’ll cut it short leaving out some very humorous experiences at nightclubs, in conferences, in cabs, in the subway!

The return dose of desi included a hardcore hibernating session of 7 days with the sole outing out in the open being Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. Reality kicked back in earlier today when I had to painstakingly fill in 10 SAME forms during registration. Sheldon Cooper says: "Life, thou art a heartless bitch!"

Anyways, some great friends made, some exciting moments, some embarrassing and with a new found immunity to cold, I mark my return to the blogging world!

P.S. Just so that Man Utd get their share of press coverage, WE ARE THE WORLD CHAMPIONS NOW!

P.P.S. Peace out!

Tic Tic Tic......

2008-11-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

When winter comes on with its full force, you aren’t left with much of venturing out unless its going half a mile to watch a Man Utd match with fellow red devils. On a much more brighter side, it gives you a chance to observe all the lovebirds coochie-cooeing in front of your eyes(HAIL IM’s) rather than prying away in privacy if and when given a chance. A fact struck the other day: More than 50% of the people in my hostel wing i.e. my fellow batchees, are “committed”. Okay now this won’t be a blog about the usual things that couples do when they are newly committed, Triple H took that headon and so did Lefty earlier, this would just be a series of abstracts pertaining to the psyche of the male mind towards a female especially where the big old “relationship” is involved. A word of advice for my female readers (Boy am I deluded!): Viewer discretion adviced.

The Narcissist got committed recently which sent the ripples of cupid back and forth. His own rendition of his “ek chhoti si love story” sounded clichéd enough to make a K-serial. Woh pehle takrar, phir ek doosre ko ignore maar, phir inkaar aur (inevitably) phir ikraar! When asked if the legendary symptoms of "Dil ki dhadkanein tez hona?, Raaton ki neend udna?" indeed happened, he replied in a negative. And yes in general, committed people just because of that tag think they are experts on relationships so as a footnote a speech on “There is no such thing as a true love.” was given.

The scene now shifts to the hostel canteen where it was the turn of Ninja to display his ideas (or rather the lack of them!). No sooner had he asked about the latest message and call rates doing the rounds that I understood where this was heading. Not waiting for my cue (I don’t even know MY call and sms rates!) I aked “Arrrrreee kaaaaaauunnn hai! Hamein bhi bata do!”

“She’s already committed!”

“That’s my boy! Go for her!”

“No its nothing like that, I just feel that talking to girls helps you improve your communication skills!”

(You could have heard the crickets chirping but even they were silenced by the profoundness of the statement.)

So you see, there are things more than what meet the eye! Although I admit for all my open mindedness, this is one opinion I am still having difficulty in comprehending.

Mr. Mittal rightly dubbed by B-Pot as the “torchbearer” is a cut above the rest. “I mean I don’t know…..initially I thought nothing but then yes! I think….what should I do?”. The “…..” aren’t something that I have left out for reasons of privacy or anything. These reflect the pauses (ranging from 2 seconds to 2 minutes often reaching 2 hours, sometimes 2 days) he takes between the same statement.

I know this wasn’t something which would help anyone get anyone or anyone get over anyone, I am just a silent observer, with a not so silent mind.

P.S.- In Triple H’s wise words “I am single and ready to jingle”. (Life should be fun from the other side too I guess!)

P.P.S.- If someone wants pdf version of “The Bro Code” (by Barney Stinson), contact me. It should provide an excellent read seeing as after having read this blog you have been awesomised.

Once upon a time perhaps.....

2008-11-17T05:11:00.000-08:00

There are people you despise, people you take an indifferent view on and to go over the top, some you worship. Sir Alex Chapman Ferguson falls in the lattermost category.

Much has been said about his completing 50 years in the world of the beautiful game and although I refrain from writing on topics which are a hot ongoing commodity (the reason being that my opinions aren’t what exactly one might call inspiring or thought changing), this is one epiphany which was simply too heavy to let in. Like any resident of The Republic Of Mancunia will tell you, there is God then there is Sir Alex and then there is THE club (in increasing order mind you!), I too am one of those who take more pride in the manager himself rather than the results he churns out week in week out. As long as Fergie is there, we don’t want anything else.

Matty Boy once asked me how can anyone feel so strongly for a team that plays thousands of miles from you and with which you don’t have any link. Ferguson is the reason. Once you are old enough to think for yourself and try to differentiate awesome from the not-so-awesome, the whole “distance” thing goes out of the window. The reason perhaps Martin Luther King was inspired by Gandhi or to quote V himself, “You can kill as many people as you want, but you cannot kill an idea.”

Having promised Bihari Potter and Triple H a blog on the rise of lovebirds in R-land, why did I suddenly change my mind? Don’t know, don’t bother! Afterall there aren’t many people who will tell the whole world in extreme expletives that they are wrong and still emerge more loveable than ever. If you want facts on the guy, google him up, wiki him up. I only wrote this short blog to get it out of my system that the first person I ever paid a writing tribute to was the person who (if there ever was one) took the Bro Code seriously!

P.S.: Before a Devils-Scousers clash there was a scouse priest on the telly claiming that he, along with his congregation, had been praying for a result. United won the game regardless and the priest was back on the news after the weekend. The priest was asked whether this proved God doesn’t exist. The priest was quite defiant in his answer. “No, it proves God does exist… but He’s a United fan.”

Time of your life!

2008-11-06T22:54:00.000-08:00

Two and a half years living in a hostel and you realise that “Survival is the most basic instinct” is an axiom. So on one hand where people tell you that you study in one of the most elite colleges of the country and hence the civic manners ought to be prevelant, the reality couldn’t be further away from this.

Wingmanned by the Bulk himself,who “Foods up!” the Barney Stinson way and whom calling a food connoisseur would be the understatement of the still pretty young century, I managed to put together a how-to list of seven points that will get you through any buffet stomach filled and with a smug look guaranteed to make your fellow buffeteers, if you will, jealous. Here is your guide to fooding bliss:

1) Popularity quotient: Make sure the buffet you are going to contains a sizeable portion of participants you know. The level of knowledge or acquaintance doesn’t matter. And if you don’t well your chances of attaining the aforementioned nirvana are greatly reduced.

2) Be Ruthless: Remember “Survival is the most basic instinct”, so get to the food as soon as it arrives. There should not be any scope for feelings towards other competitors. Everyone is the ENEMY!

3) Be Conniving: Now here starts the intelligent part, you should always have that cuisine which the others aren’t attacking. Okay you might first think that you would be compromising on some gastronomical delight, but the sheer fact you “GOT SOME!” rather than watching someone else eat while you fill your stomach with water from your own mouth should be compensation enough.

4) Put your plate down: Trust me on this one! Even if you don’t have your own plate, you can go back to your home, nay, room, more satisfied than your plated counterparts. Once you have put your plate down, you have both hands free,ergo, greater mobility over the plate. All you have to do is use point (1) to your advantage, start a small talk and then schemishly devour your so called friend’s plate!

5) Make them believe you: “There is no such thing as a free buffet” goes the oft quoted saying. Sadly though what the people don’t realise here is that the meaning between the line, quoted by none other than Phoebe Buffet, is that you have to work to get the food. Keep going regularly to the “serving” counter to get the supply to other’s plates. Your plateless hands will again put you at an advantage over other tied and hungry. The second advantage, and this is where it gets doubly good, is that your hunted i.e. the one who you are eating off, falls to your Machiavellian skills and infact starts thinking, yours is a symbiotic relationship. (Well, you could say not everyone has the privilege of reading my blog!)

6) Be agile and quick witted: Point (5) has to be put into use with an intelligent combination of point (1). Shuttling between the people can be done on the pretext of “having some work with them” or “great he has _________(delicacy that everybody is after), I’ll get you some”. Be subtle, never hurt their feelings, they might be needed at a later stage.

7) The Exit Strategy: When you are all fed and satisfied, make sure your exit doesn’t attract a lot of attention. Saying sayonara can be extremely energy consuming thereby making you feel full-stomached for a lesser period of time.

Needless to say, the above reading is of no use if you don’t put it into practice regularly and extremely thoroughly. Wedding season being around the corner, that should provide you the ideal platform from which to launch your staunch campaign. So best of luck!

Beware:

· Applicable only to those who have had cannibalistic fantasies

· Any deaths resulting from the mentioned technique will not be the responsibility of the author.

The Perverted Times

2008-10-26T22:34:00.000-07:00

Well she looked at me (or so thought me)
and I, I could see
That before too long
I'd fall in love with her (or the one standing next to her)
She wouldn't dance with another (and definitely not with Bihari Potter)
Oh, when I saw her standing there ……..

People actually looking in the mirror while combing, some skirty creatures whose faces you can’t remember because you never even bothered to see them and an optimism that is quite rare in the otherwise bleak R-land. That’s right, it is the insti’s “cultural fest”.

The Sulk entered one of his sulkier modes and profoundly said, “This is one time of the year when I hate being a geek!” to which yours truly replied a not so profound, “I don’t know whether I am a geek!” to be hit back by nothing but a vehement confirmation. Point settled.

Now The Morons have members most of whose quanta of guts runs into negatives. (Myself, of course being the exception that in fact goes onto prove the rule. (Coxx is CLASS!)) So our idea of fun bordering on dangerous proportions was “relative grading” and even then you have people like Padhy who say they are doing this for the first time.(Hallowed be his name!!) The reptile tried to hit it off with one of his ex-schoolmates (or so he thought) until his guts came to the fore, Jugga-man tried to help him nearly resulting in the Reptile wetting himself with embarrassment. Another character informed me I was in someone’s “good books”, strike that, let her just be the maiden bowled over. (Can I get an Amen!), only to be met by rivalry from none other than Bihari Potter himself. Issue amicably resolved finally when we realised we were up against something (or rather someone) with definitely atleast double our muscle weight.

Meesa then let my hair down at the dance floor resulting in The Reptile, Jugga and the Divine Lady getting drenched in my sweat. If the Reptile is reading this, I would like to put the point across that, ah I will be blunt, he is pathetic (and not even in the funny sort of the way). Such is the gutless nature of the Morons that The Bulk, The Sulk, Bihari Potter, Padhy actually didn’t even approach the dance floor. (There was candy everywhere! Stupid people!)

The debate competition provided fun with every Tom, Dick, Harry, Sita, Gita, Rita coming to express his/her opinion. Okay but in hindsight it was as the Bihari Potter put it, “Aaj to dekha aur kya dekha! Koi kuch keh bhi nahin sakta.” (We were the judges if anyne still hasn’t fathomed it out.)

Now, here comes the real fun part. Meesa had to go to Delhi to escort The Doctor. Accompanying me on my way there was none other than (as I had later found out) the most happening RJ. Now, I wont go into the details of our sojourn across to Delhi. (Personal inquiries are always welcome!) but people were JEALOUS, and when I mentioned a “Good Bye hug!”, well you know what I mean right?

The Sulk and Sheldon Cooper have their own take on things, and were fighting over plagiarisms of each other’s blogs. See that is what is called “delusion of grandeur”. One joke later and we were all into the rock night. Doesn’t’ matter how pathetic the band, just go nuts! Entry, it turns out was closed as there were already too many people. My popularity quotient (and this time I am dead serious) came to the rescue and the people actually ushered us in. A vodka shot, some prestorika and after a half step down, I sit here typing this out!

Oh and did I mention I haven’t slept for 48 hours straight?

Yea, I thought something was amiss! It really was happening!

And yes Dela! While we were discussing Ents destroying Isengrad, I saw damsels looking at us with utter astonishment! Maybe it pays to be a geek! Howzatt Sheldon?

They make loving fun!

2008-10-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

I admit, I had thought of blogs on a variety of topics but like most good things, this is a stroke of inspiration. An inspiration after watching 90 minutes of magic. The magic weaved by Manchester United. Like most of their performances which keep reminding you that not much has changed at the Theatre of Dreams for the last ten years,each backheel, each overlapping run bringing the same rush to the veins.

It feels funny somehow, if you look at it from a footballing perspective, one moment you are worried Chelsea have got such a attacking new manager who could take them to further heights the upcoming season. One OT fixture later, you put that all past you! You put all competetiveness aside and just relax and ponder on that one two Berbatov played with Rooney. Diatribes against other rivals almost start seeming like lowblows. Almost unfaithful to Man Utd itself.

Why am I writing this blog NOW when I probably was born to follow Man Utd? Hmmm…..Cant say! Don’t Care!

What matters is today I saw music in the making. Let’s take it from the top:

Van Der Saar- Can’t Get close enough (Black Sabbath)

Nemanja Vidic- Simple Man (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Rio Ferdinand- Fire(Poets of the Fall)

Nemanja Vidic & Rio Ferdinand- Brothers in Arms(Dire Straits)

Rafael Da Silva- New kid in town(Eagles)

Patrice Evra- I like Dirt(RHCP)

Darren Fletcher- Every rose has its thorn(Poison)

Ryan Giggs- Pianoman(Billy Joel)

Park Ji Sung- No fortunate son(CCR)

Christiano Ronaldo dos Santos- Master of Puppets(Metallica)

Wayne Rooney- Highway to hell(AC/DC)

Dimitar Berbatov- Time(Hootie and the Blowfish)

And the One man to rule ‘em all, One man to control ‘em all:

Sir Alex Ferguson- Stairway to heaven.

Heard a sweeter symphony anyone?

Emothundi!

2008-10-13T06:52:00.000-07:00

“Peaceful” would definitely be the last word for my holidays. With a 75-km trek to contend with(not that I am complaining in hindsight), the concept of being “laid back” definitely took a turn on its back! Much like my walk during the whole of the trek and therebeyonds (slow as a snail, steady as a tortoise), I write this blog on some of the observations and reflections that crossed me during the past few days:

· Mohit really knows how to bluff. Trust me if you saw him pull off the tricks he did, you would stop playing cards. (and if you don’t get the double entendre of the statement, you probably have no life.)
· Dogs have a natural liking towards me. (who said likes repel?)
· When you are dehydrated and exhausted near passing out, the thought of Nicole Kidman (and glucose ofcourse) serves as a good energy booster.
· The thoughts of a 6-year old on love and relationships old are more logical than the students of IIT Roorkee.
· A whistling rendition of the “Smoke on the water” riff impreses girls.
· Going on about the differences between grunge and industrial rock doesn't.
· Amitabh Bacchan celebrated his 66^th birthday.
· Sonu fell in a borewell.
· That’s it! That’s all I thought during all of the previous ten days!

Sharp brain I have, return I shall with more!

Confessions of a Nostalgic Mind

2008-10-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

I guess its not me alone who has noticed that life has turned mundane all of a sudden. Senor Lefty went ahead and wrote a blog about it. This put me thinking (you have to realise the gravity of the situation, its not very often I “think”) on my past two years in the insti. To back it up, a trip to RJB completed the nostalgia that I had been feeling for the past week.

Seems funny, how trivial a thing such as getting a non-ghissue kid as your room-pota puts your mind at ease and the jubilation you feel when you notice your “NAHAANA SAKHT MANA HAI!” peeking out from the door of the still dilapidated cupboard. Now the song Puraani Jeans was good but then it didn’t mention “woh karna orkutting doston ke saath”.

Back to the present now, and a caught proxy brings the same chuckle it used to bring back in the first week of the first year. The mess food bring the same grimace that it used to bring back on the first day of the first year. A nine o clock starting day seems heaven when compared to an eight o’ clock starting day. Some things never change!

Some things that do change however are the following:

1) You realise cleanliness is next to Godliness. But time doesn’t permit such lavish pursuits.

2) You start giving due respect to girls. Never ogle at one for less than five minutes.

3) You realise the pathway to immortality is having a “committed” tag.

4) You use your clothes judiciously. Ab daag acche hain!

And then people like me get oppurtunities to bug people by actually having their opinion put in the college magazine!

Life is great!

p.s.- The blog was partially an attempt at coming up with meaningful sentences and partially an attempt to keep my blogger account active!

New Pin Ups!

2008-09-07T05:47:00.000-07:00

“ I want a new tour bus full of old guitars

…..my own star on Hollywood Boulevard

Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me!”

I walked the ramp today.

* The following story is based on true events. Any resemblance to an awesome person and a not-so-awesome one are not coincidental but merely solid truth.

Sweaty Teddy:“Cmmon! Lets go!”

The Hunk: “Where to? Cant you see I have just started ghissing?”

Sweaty Teddy: “Abe…..remember Vogue auditions!”

Narrator: Vogue is the fashion parade of the cultural fest of the college The Morons goto.

The Hunk: “Are you out of your whatever little mind you have left or do you actually think with your rear?”

Sweaty Teddy: “This is important for me and how pathetic would it look if I went there alone?”

The Hunk: “Not as pathetic as it is looking right now!”

Sweaty Teddy: “Cmmon! Rampwalk!”

God: “Go on Hunk! Its okay!”

The Hunk: “Okay! Let us see….what rampwalk feels like”

Narrator: And hence set out the duo of Sweaty Teddy and The Hunk ala Turner and Hooch style. Now true to his name Sweaty Teddy has the tendency to develop extra large sweat glands whenever a member of the opposite sex approaches. So needless to say he was walking towards a sureshot calamity. Thus they entered the arena.

The Hunk: “Yeah we are here…. now what Teddy? Teddy? Teddy!!!”

(Teddy is crouching behind a tree approximately 20 metres before the entrance to the theatre)

Teddy: “Oh my god! There are so many girls!”

Hunk: “You were right! This is pathetic! Thanks for showing this awesome display of girlpower!”

(After 15 minutes assuring that he will return alive, Teddy finally enters the arena!)

Narrator: It was Hunk’s turn to set ablaze the stage first. True to his name he walked and boy he walked! Then quite contrary to his name when he was supposed to quote on “Why you want to join Vogue?”, he went ahead and just flashed his million-dollar-smile and two thumbed thumbs up for all the flashing cameras! Actually, just the one camera in his case.

Then walked Teddy, actually "walk" is not the right term “controlling your run so that others don’t know your hind is on fire” is better! His words of wisdom then were “I want to join Vogue because I think its all about fashion and style!”

But alas, there is one character who in this whole story turned out to be the backstabber! You see, God isn’t as serious as people make him out to be. Teddy qualified for the second round and Hunk was kicked out!

As we now see Hunk’s room, Teddy is abusing him for calling himself “Hunk” and is wondering why on earth he is being called “Sweaty Teddy”!

Still Smelling Like Teen Spirit?

2008-08-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I share my room with another fellow “human” who is yelling profanities left, right and centre while playing a Counter Strike match on our LAN. The Morons think its good to have their asses handed to them Hong Kong style once in a while by other clans of the hostel. Cause you know they aren’t exactly what one might call “professionals” at it and after some time, their idea of a good match is shooting and knifing your own teammates.

Well, I have my favourite playlist now in my ears so I can safely and whole-heartedly get back to the business of writing my final blog before I lose the much coveted “teen” status. One of the first things, nay, THE first thing that strikes me is the fact that despite turning twenty I still retain some of the qualities from my childhood. Like the fact that I always sleep on my stomach or the fact that I can use both my hands with high dexterity while eating food (a quality which is surprisingly lost when I get raped in FIFA by every Tom, Dick and Harry.) I guess everybody has some unbreakable links with their childhood. Mohit mentioning how he had fallen on his head(thus doing irrepairable damage) while he was six years old comes to mind.

Sadly though, I cannot say such a thing about my teenhood. Mainly for the fact that teenhood has been associated with every vice a person can possibly contract. You know, the articles in the newspapers that go “Teens…..”. I always used to count myself one of the odd ones (I wont use the term “lucky”, my idea of good and bad is “weird”!) as I used to read those articles, or for that matter notice the happenings around me more as a spectator rather than a fellow teen. One could attribute it to my high maturity level, I mean c’mmon who wants a piece! But also to the fact…..nope I think the “maturity level” thing is most plausible explanation.

Jokes aside, as I step into twenty-dom I will become forever a person who is expected to be serious and, like I once remarked to a friend, probably wont ever be allowed on bouncies again! Sigh!

So it is with these solemn thoughts that I enter my life as an adult.

Happy Birthday to me!

Poly ticks me off!

2008-08-12T11:44:00.000-07:00

The term “fad” is something that has different meanings to different people. To most of the intellectuals or for that matter, pseudo-intellectuals it provides an opportunity to analyse (in a certain MR. Harsha’s words): What’s going on? To others it offers an opportunity to change themselves according to the way the world is changing.

Some of the recent fads that the author has noticed range from the trivial (like putting up “bachpan” photos on orkut after scanning them onto your comp) to the not so trivial (like people whom you had thought dumb(literally) speaking up and standing for the post of whatnot during the college elections).

Putting trivial things aside the latter is the subject of my blog today. As I write this there goes another procession by my room. A group of 5-10 people vouching for one person and trying to convince everyone why he should vote for that guy.

Let me make myself clear that I’m not against politics per se. I think politics as we see it in India is probably the most advanced system by far as compared to any other country. I mean the best that John McCain could come up with was comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton, who herself went on to say if left upto her she would paint the White House pink. So that really does make our politicians sound like solid nationalists when they talk about aspects other than dumb blondes and their sexcapades.

Yeah well, coming back to the topic: College politics. It came to my knowledge (and utter amazement) that some of the Morons had tried to stand up for posts. The prime example being none other than Mr. Mohit. The guy filed his nomination for the post of “Wing Councillor” ( a sort of MLA if you call the hostel a “country”). His application was rejected. The reason was (brace yourself): he had forgotten to write in his application form the wing for which he wished to be considered.

And I thought only George Bush among the politicians was dumb!

Another Moron stood for the post of Bhawan Secretary (analogous to President) but eventually backed out after he was threatened with (so they tell me in hushed voices and brace yourself again): Kidnap!

Yeah well, my brother threatening me with a broken leg when I interrupt him watching “Transformers: The Animated Series” sounds more realistic!

Anywhoo…..you might call me a deluded soul and say: The guy doesn’t know a thing about politics!

Maybe I don’t but in the immortal words of Joker I would like to ask the college politicians just one thing: “WHY SO SERIOUS?”…..you see after being this big a cynic my status message on gtalk still goes: “Down with flu….cant play poly poly! People tell me its fun!”

p.s.: “Poly” is college for politics

p.p.s: After Mohit had learnt of his rejection he had so wisely said: “Its good they rejected me! I mean what good can a person do if he cant mention his constituency in his nomination form!”

p.p.p.s: I have a sore throat and an amazon for a nose currently, hence the reference to “flu”.

For Argument's Sake!

2008-07-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

There are good movies, there are bad movies and then there is “Thank You For Smoking”. An advantage of being a far-sighted (figuratively here, otherwise I am a myopic with slight cylindrical issues in my left eye) person is that you can load up your comp with movies and whatnot and pass your days peacefully at home when you are not gorging on Mom-made bhelpuri or irritating the crap out of your younger brother for funzies.

Okay so I know this isn’t the best movie ever made (this going out to those who HAVE seen it, otherwise I reckon more than half of you haven’t.). The reason I chose to dedicate this piece of writing exclusively to one movie is I think one that can be attributed to subtleties of being a weirdo (“Litta” in college lingo).

Anywhoo…..the point about this movie that struck a chord with me was- “if you argue properly, you will never be wrong”. The protagonist is a guy who is a spokesperson for a tobacco firm and during the first 5 minutes of introduction he says “I don’t have a law or an arts degree, you can say I have a bachelor’s in ‘kick ass and taking names’.”

Of course worth mentioning here is a point raised by Agent M (NOT Judi Dench, M here refers to an agent of the Morons- a secret society whose reach is beyond the scope of your wildest imaginations-who is albeit, every bit a female as Madam Dench) that “its not wrong to get married at the age of 21, you get married when you get true love”. Now, in my opinion no matter how well you argue that point, people (and here by “people” I mean those who have their IQ’s greater than or equal to zero) will always refer to you as insane.

On a more serious note (Yes! The previous whole paragraph was a joke.) I’ll say that the startling bit about the movie was how easily it gave out its message that nothing is right in the absolute sense of the term. (Making Winston Smith say “5 fingers” instead of “4” in comes to mind.) You know, when they colloquially say “big brother” and things related to that, what we don’t realise is that we are our own big brothers. Yeah I know, probably Bapu Asaram saying “Sab Mithya Hai!”, makes more sense to you but this is ME (with a bigger M) writing. So once again I dive into my bag of quotes and present to you this conversation:

Father: Okay suppose I were to say chocolate is the best flavour of ice-cream. What would you say to that?

Son: I’d say vanilla is the best flavour.

Father: Yeah, but just saying it doesn’t make you right.

Son: Of course it doesn’t!

Father: So if you were given a choice you would only eat vanilla and nothing else right?

Son: Yes…..

Father: But I’m asking more than that, you see I want more. Which means I want liberty and a freedom of choice.

Son: But I wasn’t talking about that.

Father: But I am and see! I am “right”.

Son: NO!

Father: Yes, I am. I just proved you “wrong”….that automatically makes me right!

P.s.: I think they ought to give Christopher Nolan the status of “GOD”. (Just an afterthought after seeing “The Dark Knight”.)

Waity Issue?

2008-07-07T05:32:00.000-07:00

Undoubtedly one of the best things about being an avid Times of India follower is the once a week treat you get in the form of “Jugular Vein” by Jug Suraiya. The guy is probably the best satire writer I have come across and that’s like Bjorn Borg saying “The guy is probably the best tennis player I’ve come across!” (Yeah, I know you cannot compare me with Bjorn Borg, but c’mmon its not my fault if I am better looking than him!)

The latest “article” that he wrote focussed on nicknames and how they seem to be successful in bringing about the best in workplaces.(…..wonder it helped Beckham when they called him “goldenballs” where the ‘balls’ weren’t of the footballing kind!)

More about that later. Of course nicknames which are highly comic like those among the Moronic ilk will be discussed to improve the TRP of my blog.

One of the best issues I think he tackled was (to put it in layman terms) “lack of reading habit among the young generation”. (My younger brother screaming."Bhaiya! Aaj dekhkar bataiyo Delhi Times mein ki kaun kaunsi movies hain TV par!” comes to mind.) I think what he was referring to was the whole noveau culture at large but the part about the new literary habits was what struck me the most.

One of the most striking points about today’s younger generation (and here by young I mean below the age of 40) is the dearth of literature following. Part of the reason of me saying that is that I don’t count FPS, One night at call centre et al (not to mention “Anything for you ma’am-A (despo) IITian’s Love Story”) as literature. I think if the book sales of the last two years are looked at, these three would have surely had a market share of 75% at least.

I’m pretty sure by now, most of you would have labelled me a “Preachy Grandpa!” Well, mostly because reading is one thing I do most of the times (apart from when I’m not watching soccer, browsing wikipedia, following basketball, playing something, following F1 and of course gawking at Nicole Kidman wallpapers!) this is one issue I think I can go on and on about forever.

So again I end up writing a blog that would have made no sense to the junta in general at all. I’d like to quote from the inspiring prose: “The Gen Y thinks of reading as an art of identifying 26 letters (48 in case of hindi) which was prevalent among the ancestors when they were trying to distinguish themselves from monkeys!”

That’s my blog today!

And as the young ones would say: BRB!

WISE AND OTHERWISE?

2008-06-26T03:18:00.000-07:00

The title represents many things apart from the fact that it is a blatant copy of a book’s by Sudha Murty. The book is not a great literary masterpiece, not by a long shot. But the title seems apt to describe what has been seen during the last few days.

There is no better way to see the wide sociological and regional variety of India than by having sojourns on trains. Mrs. Murty so rightly points out in one prose: The chance of a conversation ensuing between fellow passengers is inversely proportional to the price of the journey ticket.

So, on one hand where you can find people discussing issues ranging from the “good old” politics to (comparatively new) laptop models whilst you observe them standing in the aisle, you can be pretty sure that while you are travelling four hours on a flight, you might go the distance without uttering as much a common courtesy to your fellow traveller.

It was during one of my recent train excursions that I had a chance to meet a “shayar”. One talk led to another and he quipped how being a shayar had lost its old charm in front of the recent generation of head bangers and hip-hoppers. (A hidden dig at me seeing that I was wearing my Linkin Park tee that time.) I countered saying you can’t blame the young generation per se, some things happen in a flow. Everything has a cycle and so on…. (not mind throbbing explanations, I know). The fellow seemed to be amicable and politely recounted some of his experiences to me in addition to treating me with some of his verses. I made a mental note to get some of the ghazal cd’s and casettes that are biting the dust at home since dad stopped listening to them.

Fast forward to yesterday and me and fellow Morons were at the Ravindra canteen (our own version of the Maclaren’s) gorging on paneer (a heavenly abode considering Wednesdays see our messes providing food even Scooby Doo might not like). As you know the talk among a bunch of male grads goes like this: Girls- Grades- Girls- Softwares- Girls…..(Anatomy at work, Freud must have said!). My thoughts drifted to and fro from my recent experiences out of R-land.

Dawning on me was the thought that the three days out of the insti had hardly changed my opinions a lot and sure enough when I found myself trashing Mohit for listening to “some dumb senti song”, I had found a physical proof!

p.s.: Seems poetic justice then that Holland with all its flair lost to the gritty Russians!

p.p.s: The blog is probably my crappiest ever, I know…..to vent out your frustration contact Piyush Gulati!

p.p.p.s (Only for Piyush Gulati): Are you really this jobless?

p.p.p.p.s: This “p.p.p.p….s” has really become an “in” thing!

Get Real.

2008-06-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

The Euro is proving everyone wrong. For all those who say the European art of playing the beautiful game is too physical, I have just two words: “Up Yours!”. If the first three days are anything to go by, most of the big guns have done predictably with the player extraordinaire Ronaldo starting from where he left off. My prediction: I think this year is going be orange with The Netherlands going the distance.

I could bore to death the non-footballing junta but my blog is painful to deal with as it is so I think I’ll shift to more mundane areas.

We always ponder upon the thought that how can something make sense to anybody when it seems like horsepuke to us. (The s-word avoided due to obvious reasons. I am popular with the kids you see!) To some it is football too, I accept. (Poor deluded souls!) To some it is Scrubs. (Poorer deluded souls!) But for me it has to be the “reality” shows.

Unfortunately, I had to endure my way through half an hour of one of them when I went to watch the opening match of Euro-08. The show was called “Jo Jeeta Wahi Superstar” hosted by Miss Mandira (noodle strap) Bedi. The astute analyst that yours truly is, he compiled the following points that seem to be followed akin to the Holy Bible by the “reality” shows. Here’s your 7-way guide to make a superhit “reality” show:

1) Get a hot chick to host the show. (Sorry kids, you had to grow up some day!)

2) Get a couple of celebrity judges even if they know as much about the skill involved as Paris Hilton does about the concept of privacy. (BeeTeeW , her latest comment to the paparazzi: I’m no dumb blonde!)

3) Pick up a couple of hundred jobless souls to make an audience in the studio.

4) Make them dance even if it is a contest of classical singing.

5) Get the judges to make some “shocking” comments and back it up with the “shocking” background music.

6) Give a tonne of glycerine to everyone involved (including the audience) except the losing contestant, so that everyone is crying except the one who loses or is k.o.-ed!

7) Don’t forget to make the judges dance at the end of the episode to a hit number. That increases the PR quotient.

and Voila! You have your own hit “reality” show.

p.s. Its so much fun to type ““reality””.

Destiny, thy name is Anaheim!

2008-06-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

There are very few lines which can be said to be classic and sureshot conversation starters. Much to my chagrin, “Don’t you agree Man Utd play like Gods?” doesn’t work everywhere, especially with the ladies! But one thing that is sure to make everyone speak their guts out (and according to the “awesome” Barney,especially ladies!), is the question whether or not he/she believes in destiny or “superstition” in general.

Now, I’m aware every Tom, Dick and Harry has commented upon the matter like a walk in the park so I won’t take any sides. (Its mostly because my blog has so little readership as it is and making half of them go away isn’t exactly what would be deemed intelligent!)

Also unlike most other topics, this seems to be one which isn’t bounded by age(unless you are below 5!), sex, region or religion. In context of our dear country, it is a concept imbibed in the very thread of our survival. If some people have it their way, everything right from the moment of birth to death is done according to the positions of stars. They say that the profession of astrology is the second oldest in the world. ( The knowledgeable might know which the oldest.) Fast forward to the present and the latest astrologers are a bunch of trendy dressed- make up put on (in case of males too!)-english to shame Shakespeare- metrosexuals who seem make seem their job as glamorous as that of a Victoria’s Secret fashion model!

Unfortunately, living a hostel life renders you ignorant about what is going in the world outside your insti. Last seen, Mr. Bejaan (haha!) Daruwala (haha!) was advising Ganguly what colour of shirt to wear on Wednesdays. “Maa” Prem Vitambara is a regular on cricket shows drawing up tarot cards and predicting “scientifically” who will perform well and who will draw a dud. This brings me to the second part of my (astute?) observation.

The TV channels won’t as much show a bird puking if they think it won’t raise their ratings. It just goes to show the belief of a nation at large when they sit up and take notice of such things and attach (some call it “undue” too) importance to it and even if they are proven wrong just after a couple of hours, that doesn’t stop them from “believing” the very next day.

I first used to blame the media for all the hullabaloo. ( I think you have pretty much made out where my preferences lie as far as this debate is concerned.) The case in point being the national turmoil caused by the murder of a certain Miss. Arushi Talwar. Just spare a thought for the family. They are being treated as a bunch of orangutans in a zoo! If America had Watergate, India had Bofors then the Indian public has Arushi Talwar. But later I realised, the media only feeds the hungry. They show what the people WANT to see. They wouldn’t survive longer than a rabbit among lions without that.

Okay, I see it. The conversation has drifted from the original topic. But I think I have made my point clear.

So once again, was it destiny that John Terry slipped (haha!) and handed Man Utd the crown?

I’d rather not find the answer!

p.s.-The title is a reference to a highly comical dialogue by Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory!

The Bro Code Worketh?

2008-06-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

Ah well it finally feels nice to be back on familiar grounds and write a narrative blog!

Kids, I have lately taken a fetish towards How I Met Your Mother and this is another story:

The occasion was allotment of rooms for the next “academic” year. The Morons sat down (yes, the whole bunch of ‘em!) so as to decide where and which rooms to take in the hostel. What followed was an epic jismein action tha, drama tha, emotion tha aur comedy ke liye Sushi tha!

Now being a Moron comes with a legacy. Nothing and I mean nothing can be done without putting more than the maximum effort required. To add to it all…..this was one topic where the Morons actually decided to apply their brains (or whatever little they have). The Morons were mainly divided into the following warring tribes:

1) Hum saath saath hain: This group belonged to the school of thought which might have made Gandhiji proud. Their sole statement used to be: Either we take rooms all together or we stay right where we are!

2) Inverse vertigo: These people (being the Morons that they are) had a fear of ground floor (hence the name, inverse vertigo) and were as against taking rooms on the ground floor as Pallavi was against Parvati in Kahanii Ghar Ghar Kii!

3) Privacy Party: Okay some background here. Facing our hostel is the girls’ hostel. (trust me, it isn’t as cool as it sounds). So there is a stipulation that in that wing facing the girls’ hostel no boy is allowed to move the old “topless” style. Of course, the others countered that such a rule doesn’t necessarily be followed (like all other college “rules”). It was then that they came up with their point which led to their nomenclature: But we don’t want to move around like that in front of girls!

C’mon bozos….Courage, the cowardly dog has more guts!

4) We want a Penthouse: Relax! Not the magazine folks. This group included yours truly so definitely it was the most sensible of the lot (its my blog afterall). All we wanted was a balcony attached to our rooms. The primary reason being we didn’t have one during this year. Fair enough right!

BeeTeeW: Mohit (expectedly) was in the Privacy Party.

Following was the conversation that occurred. People wont be named, rather they would be identified by the first letter of their respective ideologies.

H: I think, we should all take the rooms together no matter where we take them!

P: yeah okay, but first wing is out of question….we have our dignity at stake!

W: All fine but we need a balcony folks and first wing is the only available one which has balconies.

I: Yeah but we don’t want the ground floor….its dangerous with all snakes and what not (they were probably referring to the Loch Ness monster) showing up!

Some enlightened soul: Guys, if we want all of these, we would never get any rooms.

H: Shut the f**k up, I think, we should all take the rooms together no matter where we take them!

I: Hey man, its each man for himself and you want to get bitten by a snake ( I think he meant the anaconda from the movie) be my guest!

H: Yeah, you be my guest and you can (expletives meaning eating something unpleasant)….

W: Let’s be rational here and just take the rooms with the balcony….

Now kids, I can go on and on about this carousing on rooms but I know you have better things to do. ( I am so selfless!)

The story ended when we received a notification that we wouldnt be allowed to take part in the allotment process because we hadn’t sent any application requesting for the same! Talk about your gigantic time wasters and that’s when I decided:

When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead!

From Roorkee With Love!

2008-05-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

Manchester United are the champions of Europe. Period.
Now, I wont try to take anything away from the glory of the moment by writing about it! You had to be there, otherwise you missed it!
The title might give you an idea as to what the blog is about and it is more than just a spoof of a Bond movie!
Studying in a college like IIT (yeah I know, I’ve said it many times) doesn’t give you that much pleasure in observing the budding love lives, the start ups and the break ups, the ditches et al, as you would get in any other “normal” college. (As kids, don’t we build up the image of college as where there would definitely start a love life?)
Well, but students try to make as much headway as possible, so we have a section in the college magazine where a certain “popular” guy or a girl is asked, what was his/her first crush on campus. When it comes to boys, you only get to see names of two or three girls coming up. (Can I get a Hallelujah!) The same names are repeated week in week out. The variety is more when the girls are asked. (Hardly a surprise!)
Now and then, I come across souls who talk to me about their love life and I think that section of people will henceforth stop talking to me. Its not that bad either. After they have that conversation where there are a hundred times more questions than answers, the most repeated one being, “Samajh mein nahin aa raha mai kya karun!”, I usually give an aphorism of such perverted level that they don’t ever have that conversation with me again.
Thinking about it brings the famous quote that Merlyn was told in “Fools Die”: “Its all about c***!” (These were the parting words of a famous author portrayed in the novel!)
I know it was short but I think the last part did pack a punch!

The Idiot Box For The Idiot!

2008-05-21T00:51:00.000-07:00

"A blog a day keeps the boredom away." is the mantra I’m following nowadays. It’s the summer starting and that means a lot of sitcoms have their season finales going on. Having been a TV addict since the days of Chitrahaar and Rangoli, I can proudly say that not many match up to me when it comes to having watched “serials”. Hell, I think I’m probably the only engineering student who takes an avid interest in Kahaani Ghar Ghar Kii (please note the spelling!) and Saat Phere. That just goes to show the mouth-watering prospect that TV viewing is to me.
On the other hand, dramas like OC, Gossip Girl, Gilmore Girls et al which have a wide female fan base don’t exactly fall under my category of likeable. (You can at least have a laugh riot while watching Kahaani….) And there has been a recent storming entry into the likeable club, The Big Bang Theory (TBBT). To say that I adore it would be an understatement, I like my jokes with a bit (read:lots) of intellect. Hence, the likes of Scrubs and TBBT outweigh my liking towards F.R.I.E.N.D.S., which I still think is a benchmark by miles.
Scrubs, in my opinion, had a classy Season 7 ending though the reviews in the viewership circle called it anything but good. TBBT’s ending was too good to be true. An excerpt:
Character 1: I don’t think I should go out with Penny!
Character 2 (Character 1’s best friend): No you shouldn’t.
Character 1: You know, other people might be more considerate and ask “why not?”
Character 2: Well that’s because other people might be interested.
How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM)’s season ending was good with a nice bit of suspense thrown in the end.
After the abrupt ending of Prison Break I think I have lost faith in thrillers. It wasn’t very high in the first place either with Lost and Heroes being the culprits. At least, in sitcoms you can take it one episode at a time and an abrupt halt (read: writers’ strike) doesn’t bother you that much.
That said and done, I also feel that none of the recent crop of shows come close to achieving cult status. Yes, one can say that you need longevity for that (Friends ran for 10 seasons.) but still, none of the sitcoms can make everyone laugh at the drop of a hat and none of the dramas have any attraction that makes you sit up and take notice. I think “Sex and the City” came the closest possible with its wide appeal! Guys like me watched it for eye candy while the ladies went for it due that ummm……ummmm….. I think they call it “emotional and sentimental and commitment” thing rite?
I think, I can go on and on and on about each and every show I’ve ever watched but I’d like to end by quoting the legendary Barney:
“When I’m sad, I stop being sad and start being awesome!”

Dreaming Theatrically!!

2008-05-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

PS 3’s and Xbox 360’s galore! Outdoor activities have been all but pastiched. Children prefer to play FIFA rather than jog a few hundred metres and learn dribbling. Never mind they might not be able to hold the ball the proper way, but they can execute a “between the legs” layup with precision on the console. Avoiding a tennis elbow is a far fetched reality so they might as well become Fedex and beat the crap out of the Djokovics on the Wii.
Luckily, I can say I have no such fetishes. For starters I come from a family with a very rich sporting background. Dad is 46 but still manages to beat me in Tennis. Not that I’m a great player or anything but I think its no mean feat. Personally I think, no game comes even close to basketball when it comes to the amount of hardwork required!! THAT’s a complete game. But if I were to watch anything, hands down football would win anytime….
Football has been an integral part of my life since the days I can barely remember. It had to be. I grew up in dad’s lap while he showered praises on the Rossis, Baggios, Mathauses et al. It was only natural that I took up football as my favourite sport during the early school days and grew up to worship the greatest team on Earth: Manchester United!
As I write this blog it is 28 hours to the Champions League final, THE most important match in the footballing calendar as far as club playing goes. And I cant help looking back to the my journey as a Red Devil for the past 12 years. Nostalgia fills me when I think about the Fergie years right from the days of the self proclaimed GOD, Cantona to who everyone proclaims GOD, Ronaldo!
Again I would dive deep into the bag of footballing clichés and say that I like Man Utd because they play the beautiful game the beautiful way and then back it up with trophies at regular (read:short) intervals. It’s a treat to watch them play at The Theatre of Dreams and demolish the oppositions with their one-two’s, their overlaps, their deft touches, their longballs…..there isn’t much that the Devils can’t do on their day.
The Busby Babes, the Bests, the Fergusons….these sort of stories happen all the time as far as the sporting world goes but the panache with which Old Trafford calls these its own is something no one can deny. That is part of the reason that makes this club so attractive.
So I cut it out here….hoping to increase the fanbase of this club from whatever little readership my blog has!
Manchester United will demolish the noveau riche Chelsea tomorrow!
GLORY GLORY MANCHESTER UNITED!!

The Cliché College Blog..

2008-05-19T01:43:00.000-07:00

The summer vacations have started and I guess, blogosphere will now have to bear with my more frequent visits. Moving on then, I find myself today commenting upon today’s college culture. And I admit, moving forward from my usually “narrative” genre of blogs is a step into the unknown.
Like always, let me tell you the inspiration behind this post. Well, this goes out to all of the hundreds of people who have gone “AAAH! NICE” when it is mentioned I study in an IIT. To which I generally think “I’ll trade places anytime…wannacome?” Its not that I hate college life or anything. Quite the opposite, I enjoy my college more than any of my varied living experiences so far. But I’d like to see things from a satirical point of view asto how far people come after school and going to a college.
I think most people who will read this blog are or have been college students. So, most of the readers would agree that once you come into a college, whatever thinking you had during “good old days” goes for a toss, when you are thrown in the college curriculum headfirst.
Personally speaking, I found my initial college days to be straight out from the initial chapters of Chronicles of Narnia. The huge institute, unknown surroundings and not to mention the dreaded ragging season promised to leave a permanent scar in what was otherwise a nice cool monsoon during the first week of August. Move ahead 15 days or so and all the first yearites settle down into becoming the quintessential collegians.
Of course, the abovementioned changing scenario is less drastic in nature in the day boarding colleges, but I think, the underlying scenario remains the same. Those previous thoughts of “which college to go to?” start seeming trivial and are replaced by the “more serious” thoughts about the immediate future after graduation.
Then come the sophomore days, where for the first few months you feel as the king of the world for you are the most dreaded entity in the campus due to your 2nd yearite tag.
American sitcoms, Hollywood bombshells and pondiyaap galore. Students drift from their families. (I’m not saying it in a derogatory manner, I think it goes a long way in making students independent.) To the fortunate few, there starts a blooming love life. ( In our cases, you can rule out the possibilities of an in-campus romance. There aren’t just that many girls….an oft repeated and a legendary fact about IIT’s) some souls experiment with drugs and the list is practically never ending!!
Then there remain some who( some, myself included, call “Mr. Goody two shoes”) remain the epitome of sincerity carried forward from their schooldays. To say that I despise them or am jealous of them would be a gross error. It is they who have aroused feelings that I hitherto considered non-existent. Simply said, I cant put that feeling in any category. You see them and think simultaneously:
1) They’re missing out on so much that college life offers. (Yes, I even call snorting drugs “a thing that college offers”.)
2) Oh who am I kidding? They’re everything that you want to be: the typical nice guys.

Seeing as I haven’t managed the second part during my stay here, I think the former outweighs the latter, at least in my case.
All of a sudden, a 25% score in tests seems harmless (it definitely would have looked suicidal while I was in school). All said and done, I think I’ll take the opportunity here to answer a very cliché question: What would you do, if u were given a chance to relive your college life? I think my answer would be: No regrets!!

Figuratively speaking!!

2008-05-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

I have been an avid reader throughout my life. Be it reading champaks and doga during the long train journeys as a child or maturing into reading the plethora of books that is today’s literary world (Yes even the book: “Why men don’t listen and Women can’t read maps!” counts), I have hardly had better feelings than the one I have when I stare out in the night out of the window, after reading. Its legen(obviously, you have to wait for it!)dary and awessssome at the same time!!

So much for the senti talk, now I’ll tell you the inspiration behind this blog. Once again its none other than Mr.Mohit. This time his remark was that he thought the name of the most revered entity of the insti (some call “it” the holy grail) was the name of a porn movie!!
So you see, you can see high octane philosophy and low octane perverted fun on my blog at the same time….

How are these two diametrically opposite scenes connected? Well, the correct answer is that they aren’t but as Douglas Adams would have me believe, a true man is one who can locate his towel anytime. If people fall for THAT, then my case CAN take the shape of a conspiracy. But me being a true litta, I’ll connect them through my brains which have now become expert in locating and measuring perverted behaviour among people.

I recently went to my aunt’s home. Uncle is in the army, so I witnessed first hand for the first time in my “mature” life, the living inside a cantonment. Always being the first to reach anywhere sports come into the picture, I was there when there was “Game Parade” to be held. They call the playing hours in the evening that. Uncle acquainted me with some of the officers and I ended up playing a full game of basketball with the jawans and the officers. After having been mesmerised by their air to air dunks and alley oops that would make Bryant proud, I had some light hearted chit chat with them.
Never being the ones to say three words when one will do, the officers generally are an affable lot. The conversation shifted on and on from one topic to another (trust me, the officers are every bit as classy and kick ass, as they show them in Top Gun or A Few Good Men), when I decided to delve a little into the “old school” thinking about the army, I asked one of the lady officers there: Is it tough for YOU folks out there?
Thankfully for me, she didn’t take me to be a chauvinistic pig….for the second I heard it come out of my mouth, I immediately regretted the question and duly apologised. The officers all smiled understandingly and reminded me they hear this question as many times as I might hear: Bhaisaab! Time kya ho raha hai?
I wont elaborate further on their answer, because I generally like the “moral stuff” said rather than written down…that too on MY blog!!

Have you figured out the connection?....get a grip folks, first find your TOWEL!!

Life in the fast lane....

2008-03-31T03:50:00.000-07:00

Life has been a blurred blur for the past one month. I guess that alone would be an ideal excuse asto why there hasn’t been another one of those “blasphemous”(in the literary circles) and “cool”(in the non-literary ones) entry on my much revered blogsite.
So after the ShARING with D- skul, there has been much hulabaloo in my curriculum. It all started with the rockclimbing course in Nainital. We had gone their expecting a 5 day trip to an amusement park. But Murphy’s Law hit us big time to ruin all our hopes of checking out girls on the maal road. We were told that it was a proper course with a project to be done and a full frontal written test to be cleared if we wanted to avoid a back, if you will. There went our holidays for a blast…..
While returning from Nainital, I ate in succession golgappas, sugarcane juice and had some tea too. All these combined in my stomach to create a highly exo- reaction. I only somehow managed to reach roorkee dry!!!!
After recuperating for about 8 hrs, I left for my uncle’s place in Agra to celebrate holi(my own being too far to com back from in 3 days)…again, all my hopes of having a peaceful coupla days went for a toss!!!! I realised that family can be more lethal while playing holi with, my mausis being the biggest culprits. I was declared the guest of honour and paraded around in the lane on everyone’s shoulders. The trip had its more civilised momnets when I visited the Amar Vilas, reportedly the sixth best hotel in the world.
Back to R-land now, and it seemed the vocabulary of people had been reduced to only one word, COGNI. Myself, I had planned to organise a quiz, and add to it I was also part of the HelpDesk which looks after the trivial queries of the participants. Some of the queries included: Why is this year’s cogni worse than last year’s? , Is there no couple event sorta thing in your techfest?.....heaven’s helpme!!!!
My quiz turned out to be quite a (not phenomenal) success with appreciation from ane and all regarding my choice of questions. However, the review letter the next day went on to say that the quiz was the worst of its kindd. I receive criticism rather appreciatively, so I have only decided to piece the author into 2 whenever I meet him/her.
Cognizance was over yesterday and there you go…. I, as a dutiful citizen of the blogging world have upheld my duty of updating you all with my life, as we know it!!!!

p.s.- I am as surprised as you are asto why I have written this blog so solemnly!!

ShAREing with D (s) Kul!!!!

2008-03-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

“Aren’t the DSE guys supposed to be a bunch of moronic geeks?”
“Isnt it the same college that associates itself with the likes of Amartya Sen and Manmohan Singh?”

The aforementioned were only some of the queries that came to mind when it was informed that there was to be a team building session between IITR and DSE. The event was supposed to take place in R-land and everyone seemed to be working towards it with a passion that would surely have outdone the passion that Miss Hilton has for videotapes. More about “Miss Hilton” later. I, personally, was given the seemingly easy task of organising the team building activities. But then again I suppose, I ought to write more about the visiting college seeing that many of them would be reading my otherwise very unread blog now. (I thank the self proclaimed “pig”, Akshay Wahal for revealing the highly grotesque details of my blogsite.)

The event kicked off with the intros of every DSE student. Again the stage was being anchored by the “pig” so some unfortunate souls were asked out and one really hapless one was compared to Miss Hilton.( The “pig” gave some pathetic pj reason behind that, that had to do something with Miss Hilton owning hotels and stuff.) Their “LORD OF THE GEEKS”,(their equivalent of our very own Mathew Kurien) was trashed a lot (asif the geeks arent trashed everywhere!!!!). I wont give out his name, or else his geekiness might pursue him to sue me in ‘the international court of justice for the geeks’. One “poet” read out a four-liner which went a mile above my otherwise very sharp brain. Though she did, clarify the meaning with finese.
Then came our intros and they had a charm of their own, Mohit’s included calling himself a hallucinator and another guy’s included calling himself above 90 kgs.

We started the games then and the first one was pictionary. Eminent personalities included were “Herr Hitler” aka Sunny Jain, The Lord of the Geeks, Pamela Anderson and the likes. The real fun kicked in during the second game, the dumbcharades (the game which I had planned was vetoed out by the audience calling it too LitSecy……I think I now understand why the literary section is one of the most envied section in the insti.) with movies like “Peticoat mein visphot” and “Jab ghar mein ho saali to har raat diwali” being given and guessed correctly. When we were all leaving the S.N.Bose Auditorium (GOD bless his soul!!), Ritika told me we better cleanup the blackboard, which by then, had on it, the images of Pamela, Paris and many other stars that were in no way related to the physics department.

We had lunch then where I got to know many people ( the poetess and the CAT rapist included.) . After the sumptuous lunch we kicked them around our institute showing off our heritage. If not for them, I wudnt have delved into sections of library I hitherto thought didn’t exist. My relationship with library is a matter for another blog sometime else. THEN CAME THE SPORTS.

Ek bande ne shirt utaari, ek bande ne pant utaari aur teesre ne to bina kuch utaare hi humaari maarli!!!!! We, that is to say, IITR got trashed 4-1 in football. My contribution being a cross that would get the envy of Beckham, which was turned into the solitary goal that we managed to score.
I cut short the dinner on account for the fact that Herr Hitler himself had asked for a presentation next day. Anyways, day made memorable when MAN U thrashed fulham by THREE goals to nil and Arsehols only managed a DRAW. Yipee!!!!
We went rafting the next day, I for the first time swam in as fast a river. Jumped around 20 feet into the river. The more said the less about rafting.

The bus trips to and fro from Rishikesh were the most happening ones. I exhibit my singing talent to the extremely unfortunate ones who live in my hostel wing. There have been complaints registered with the warden I suppose regarding my riyaaz timings. So I didn’t enthusiastically participate in the antakshari fever that had gripped the bus. I was much more engrossed in i-tunes blasting in my ear and hear much more adept singers singing than the “singers” singing in the bus.

Fun though it might have been the whole weekend, I’d like to qoute Green Day as my parting words to all DSE members:
“Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you had the times of your lives.”

THE RETURN TO INNOCENCE....

2008-02-23T23:45:00.000-08:00

My blogs are generally narratives in the truest sense of the word. Other bloggers in R-land write on a gamut of subjects but I (although I am a good quizzer and boast an awesome GK) generally abstain from writing on debatable topics and stick to describing to the happenings in my very happening life. Also my use of vaocabulary is much more down to earth(a soft way of saying I am not a walking dictionary) rather than filled with frills which Shakespeare himself might have problems fathoming.
But after having noticed the latest blog entries(my own "Bareilly ke bazaar mein..." included), one can say that "sentiyaapa" has crept in, nay, forced its way in the mind of a typical Thomsonian. Be it Lefty's "Nice guys finish last" or Dela's "Il joga bonito" and "Growing down?" emotions seem to running rather high in an otherwise chilly winter. Believe me, I can still crack jokes which have people in splits but somehow that jolly air is missing.
So its after much convincing my otherwise nympho brain that I finally sit down to write a senti blog.
Lately, (as my faithful blog readers might know) I had the chance to first hand experience the working of a full fledged, angst ridden, pathetic excuse for public service,government office. The one thing I found common in all the people that walked the rooms in that particular walk you would definitely associate with tension is that they probably were thinking about other hurdles after this one was crossed. That was it. They looked asif they had nothing to look forward in life. I had to count myself as not one of those, afterall I had a FA cup Man U - Arsenal match to look forward to.(trivial, some might say).
People go on just for the sake of going on. Even in the campus, the case is not much different, as I later realised. Its all about the same things over and over again. Kiska placement kahan lagega? or Kiska CAT clear hoga? or Kiska GRE accha jaega? During my course of two years I have met many (whom i'd rather call hapless) souls who seem to recite the aforementioned three sentences only.
Now, it seemed that FA cup match was really a thing to look forward to. Puts things into perspective , it really does. Maybe it isnt about a six figure pay packet or an MBA or whatever.....
because after a lot of introspection I found that the one person whom I most wanted to become was someone like Lefty's mom. Someone who at fifty or sixty or seventy write blogs, which would still crack up the teenagers.

Bareilly ke bazaar mein.........

2008-02-23T05:17:00.000-08:00

My long hiatus due to certain, words don’t describe them, events which are to be narrated below. Please bear with me if you feel I am gettimg too technical.

There was suddenly an outburst of oppurtunities in R-land through which “students” could venture abroad. Sushi happened to come across one of them and he gladly took up the offer thinking about the country that was to be bestowed upon by the visit of inaurguably the greatest person to grace the Earth since the Laurel-Hardy duo. However the events that transpired afterwards shattered my self righteous nature. (Shattered, I think, is too weak a term, annhilated would be more appropriate.)

The first task that had to be performed was to get a passport. The previous sentence had 13 words. Well 13 was exactly how the whole thing went, extremely unlucky. Six people (who have now turned into zombies) went together to the land of madness, Bareilly to get their tatkal passport. The first real (some might call it awesome) thing that happened to us was our trip in the general comparment which has made my nose defunct I think. People were everywhere. Trust me you don’t want me to elaborate on my “everywhere”. It was a very tiring overnight journey so……….
DAY 1
No sooner had we gotten near the passport office, we were drowned in a slurry of “helpers” who according to themselves could do anything. One of them went ahead and said: Shaam tak passport aapke haath mein hoga. Paanch hazaar lagenge.

We didn’t think even once before walking away. Unfortunately being a student (family background, disregarding) doesn’t give you that much luxury financially.
The humunguosly huge passport form was filled out and just when it looked things would go smoothly, came the first bombshell. There is this document called the verification form that you need to fill out and get it attested by a high ( and by high , I mean there would be around 1000 people in the whole of India with that much authority) authority. The catch was you had to get 2 copies attested. Our over sized brains thought, 1 attested and the other its photocopy. Hearing this news, one thought simultaneously raced through our minds: We COULD jump of the roof. (We had done that much to get the verification form, you see.)
After a brainstorm, that surely would have outwitted Einstein, we got two sets of the required documents transported from Roorkee through, behold yourself, a TTE who was on a train from Haridwar to Bareilly. We meanwhile, passed the time by watching “Sunday”, a pathetic excuse for a comedy movie. I still have nightmares about the PJ’s cracked in the movie. We received our forms late in the night, where we were so politely reminded by the TTE that he was not a postman. We were very close to a tantrum. So we reminded him that by taking a hundred bucks from our friend in Haridwar, he had done exactly what a postman would do. We IITians can seriously kick ass when we need to. Later that night, I had my first anger outburst of my life when I shouted at some poor soul who kept on petchering us asto which was a good hotel. Like Ed Norton said: Babies don’t sleep this well. That’s how we slept that night

DAY 2
We reached the passport office again and did the necessary formalities. They say the main thing to do when you are getting a tatkal is convince the passport officer that you really need the passport urgently. Passport officers are civil services exam qualified and that too in the Foreign category, the toughest to clear. So they are generally, witty enough, not to be taken for rides. One of the few instances where, phatte don’t work. Inspite of our best efforts and convincing, he gave us the collection date of a week later. Lowblow. But again we werent to be outdone. We brought REAL tears to our (what we hoped would be) innocent faces and gave him the senti treatment. Result: We got the delivery dates of the next day.
We slept rather peacefully that night.

DAY 3
Again the ghosts returned to haunt us when we found out that the person who had attested our verification forms wanst high enough in power for them. We told them he was an IPS (They qualify to sign the document) but they wanted some proof of that. Just read asto what happened next.
We googled his name. We got a webpage which listed IPS officers of his batch. We got a printout of that page. Howsatt for innovation? This (much to my surprise though) convinced the officer and he gave us the go ahead. There werent now many hurdles remaining. So when the first one among us got the passport, we really got carried away and gave him bumps inside the office. Security was called to immediately get us thrown out. We treated them the 25-bucks’ style and in the end just 5 minutes before the scheduled close of the office, the last one among us got the passport.
I doubt I’ll feel this happy even if Nicole Kidman proposed me.
After a 10 hr back breaking bus journey (yeah, we didn’t have the guts to face another trip in the general compartment) we reached our cosy hostel rooms.

We really had travelled miles before we slept. And boy oh boy, we slept after that.

(Personally my woes continued as I got diarrhoea for the next 3 days. Normality it seems has been finally restored as I’m now feeling quite at ease typing this, once again, immensely long and boring post.)

ATLAS SHRUGGED.....

2008-01-27T07:16:00.000-08:00

"Aur Sushi jaa raha hai?"
"Haan!Usne mutthal ki cycle le li hai!"
Thus was the cacophony that woke me up the morning of the cycle race.Oh, the title of the blog is not a reference to John Galt(I still dont know who he is by the way!!),it is symbolic of a humungous problem that plagued me during whatever little stint I had as a bike racer........

The previous couple of days had gone by in a blurry with me hellbent on convincing a certain very "moody" personality to come to Delhi but in the end what transpired was total chaos......in a nutshell i might say that the sophomore LitSec guys took the world on their shoulders and finally all was quiet with even big daddy Matty decided to sleep through the biggest quiz of the year.

Call it Murphy's Law or whatever but incidentally the annual cycle race fell on the same day.I had arranged a cycle (or so I thought) in a record 2 hrs.There seemed to be a sudden shortage of cycles in a place which is otherwise teeming with them.The seemingly only problem with the cycle(apart from the fact that it was Mohit's) was that there was no air in the tyres.BAAM!A senior told me there would be a mechanic there on the starting line.......

So I took a chest number(it was 198 if anyone is interested)and waited with bated breath for the race to start.The organising team had other ideas though(I'm not sure what they were),so the race started a full 30 minutes late.As soon as the race started i knew something was wrong.Still I persisted and brought the unforgettable image of Lance Armstrong with his arms raised crossing the finish line at Le Tour de France.Alas!Even that wasnt enough to delay the inevitable.....my cycle completely broke down 3kms into the race and by completely i mean the type when you cant even sit on it!!!!

So I had to walk back 3 kms to the start line.Hoping someone might consider me first was a grave error.No soon had i started walking back that people began questioning(and by people i mean the 60 yr old folks who go the temple every morning)"Kya ho gaya?".So this was how one of the greatest mysteries of the Atlas shrugging(in my case the Atlas literally shook the earth off)was unravelled to me and somehow contrary to what I had stated earlier maybe I really do know who Galt is......

not giving the answer though.Try breaking down your cycle in front of the Ganga Canal and walk back if you want the answer!!!!

p.s.-my cycle's name was Atlas Speeder......

About da Knowseating Fest!

2008-01-21T10:24:00.000-08:00

Twas 1300hrs (yeah , I AM a huge 1984 fan) when Sushi left his room for attending what was supposed to be a one of its kind thing, A LITERARY FEST. Now some people might commit suicide at the idea of having to sit through six quizzes (the attendance at the LitSec events suggests this) but Sushi,Lefty,Rapko, Dela and Kaka saw only one thing (well,apart from the fact that there were prizes worth 15 lacs to be won, I mean who doesnt notice that?), the plethora of knowledge on offer.
So we set out the Reservoir Dogs style although its rickshaw version.The trip started on a highly disturbing note-we were assaulted. Well to the normal public it might not be an assault but to us it was. We were pestered by the u know who of the clapping ilk.Lucky Dela was outside the compartment when he saw what was happening to us and instead of turning into a Maddu hero he was supposed to become , he turned into a road runner and ran for his life. The rest of the trip went by with our cabin taking the form of a Roorkee bakar house.
We reached the "Sangam nagri" at 7 the next morning, apparently the MNNIT folks believe in the funda "Atithi devo bhava!" and they had opened a hospitality counter on the platform itself. Although I was hoping to find a prettier face to welcome us (they had,on the contrary,made some 6ft 5inch a quintal weighing giant of a "boy" to sit on the desk.).By the by,what sent our spirits on cloud number nine was the fact that they told us to take the tempo to girls hostel.Dela looked as if a hundred Nicole Kidmans were rolling in front of him. The joy turned out to be short lived as were to be staying at their equivalent of the Jawahar Bhawan. We dumped our stuff where we were supposed to and set out exploring the campus when at the sight to two guys Rapko went beserk.On being asked "Why the sudden hormonal outburst?".Lefty replied(quote): These were the guys who raped us last thomso. Read: These were the guys who had streamrolled the LitSec last thomso in a particular quiz. So the lions of Roorkee encountered their first of the many to come enemies.
Then came the first quiz. Myself,Kaka and Dela found it more funny than informative. The quiz masters might as well have said :BEND OVER!!!!....We got around 8 out of 30 right and didnt even make it to the main round. Lefty and Rapko did though and finished third. The "rapists" finished the winners.
Next were the auto and the corporate quizzes which were our "weak"(read:pathetic) areas.We didnt even try making it to the finals there but in the meanwhile enjoyed the Saagar Ratna outlet that was opened.
The last quiz of the day was the Grand General Quiz.IIT Roorkee kicked some really hard when all of us made it to the final round and won over the hearts of many when yours truly answered to some questions answers like KamaSutra and cervix. So on a rather happy note we went to sleep.
Rapko took up the role of System Of A Down and shouted "WAKE UP!!!" at sharp eight the next morning. I gained one important lesson:Dela is DA reincarnation of Kumbhkaran.It took approximatly 42 minutes to wake him up.....that really says everything.
So we proceeded onto to participate in the entertainment quiz which was supposed to be about entertainment but in the end turned out to be about bong and Mithun as bond movies.Although we came fourth it was in this quiz that we proved that were the funniest geeks at the fest.The team had to nominate one of the members to play the superstar round.I was selected to be the sacrifice and the quizmaster asked me to become a celebrity and LO AND BEHOLD ,we decided to make me PAMELA ANDERSON. This brought the audience into splits.The "superstar" or in my case the pornstar was allowed to consult his or in my case "her" teammates.And i shouted into the microphone "I WOULD LIKE TO CONSULT MY TWIN ASSETS!!!!"At this everyone literally rolled on the floor and we walked away the "winners".
We found ,much to our dismay, that the Saagar Ratna outlet had been closed so we were left starving for much of the day.The last quiz was supposed to be our saviour:The sports quiz.
It turned to be a cricket encyclopedia. The quizmaster reckoned Wisden was as popular as Playboy and perhaps thought people actually followed squash and horse racing.We came third after a real nail biter when we won the tie breaker.They say that it was so tense that one of my many fans suffered a brainstroke and then found out that she had no brain.
We left as soon as possible for reasons likely to be fatal in such situations.WE that is to say myself,Kaka and Dela didnt have tickets for the return journey.After a lot of inquiring we got tickets but found that we would have to bunk the whole of next days classes. We had like 3 hours to kill on the platform so we decided to buy magazines.
The dickhead of a bookseller didnt have any novellas so ,much to our surprise, we found ourselves buying "RASBHARI KAHAANIYAAN:AWAIDH SAMBANDH VISHESHANK"(believe me ,it WAS called that),Outlook and India Today.The foremost proved to be a juice not worth the squeeze so we all reached Roorkee with memoirs of a fiesta firmly and funily etched in our "brains"!!!!

MORONS TRY THEIR HANDS AT THE GENTLEMEN'S GAME......

2007-11-24T10:25:00.000-08:00

Its two days to end sems and unfortunately,it comes with the purchase of every moronic brain that highly stupid ideas are bound to strike you when time is of utmost importance.
So it was on this highly studious afternoon that morons had their latest brainstorm......a marathon game of cricket to be played in the Jawahar lawns.
So with a quickness that would defy the quickness of the quick return mechanism(i HAVE been studying Kinematics of Machines,u see)a bat and a ball were arranged and around 14 of the most lethal brains of the institute gathered on the battlefield.
Ninja and I became the captains(actually no-one gave a damn asto who the captain was,they just wanted to hit some balls,if u know what i mean!!!!)and divided the players.I won the "Tip-Top" toss and remembered Geoff Boycott's golden words-"Win the toss,bat first".
And bat we did.We made "ab tak" 56 runs,mostly courtesy Mohit Mutthal who was hitting the ball so hard,one might actually think he was imagining ME as the ball(i trash him that much,u see) and then we bowled out the pathetic opposition for an equally pathetic 25 odd runs that too courtesy Mohit's bowling which had in it the speed of Warne and the guile of a Shoaib's beamer.......

Unfortunately i had shouted(in a state of euphoria,actually im always in a state of Euphoria)at the beginning of the match:"JO HAREGA WOH JEETEGA!!!!"

As a result we had to forfeit the next match's first batting to THEM,a fact that did not go down well with my teammates.
Newaz the match was truly,madly and deeply a nail biter when our beloved Gaandey hit the winning run of the very last ball of the alloted 10 overs and we shouted to the applause of the whole hostel who hadnt seen that entertaining a match ever:"F**K DE INDIA!!!!"

As for my contribution,i'll just be modest and say the following:
First match-3 runs,2 dropped catches and 10 runs conceded in one over.

Second match-6 runs,1 dropped catch and 10 runs conceded in one over.

BUTT,the team counts and "JEET GAYE........................"

MORONS RELOADED!!!!

2007-11-16T07:07:00.000-08:00

It hit me rcently that i had not made aware the world about the recent developments in the moron world........for all who have not been infatuated by the term.......i suggest they consult their doctors for symptoms of .....i dunno.....maybe human-ness?.......never mind i will now undertake the mammoth task of listing all the morons in alphabetical order.....
P.S.-fasten just ur belts,ur pants might fall!!!!!

1)Abhinav Gaandey:Probabaly the most potent weapon of mass destruction to come out from the factories of the PJ world.His jokes(as he calls them)make u want to jump from the second floor or worse (as he suuggested)eat some poison and then jump!!!!His walk is considered by some to be more feminine than Miss Rai herself as is his sense of humour by the way,which perenially threatens R-world as the bubonic plague had the whole world.

2)Abijeet aka chuchijeet:I dont want to trash him too much as the aforementioned is the latest in the string of the barely surviving who had to endure attacks by a certain PJ cracking and intelligence sucking vampire.But he must know that to associate oneself with me is no less of a mortal danger so here i go.........
Oh shit.......as soon as i remember his name i forget everything else including where all my copies and.......... damn.......i have forgotten what i have forgotten.......

3)Chaudhary Ch**anya Krishna reddy(I wont blame u if u have fallen into a slumber after reading the immensely long name and this immensely long bracket to go with it):The haddu of our group and a fellow grade pointer also the politician trying to follow the footsteps of chandra babu naidu excepts he keeps losing.....when last seen in the class(it was maybe a couple of months back)he confided in me his secret desire to watch every movie ever made........after that conversation none has seen or heard of him.......but strange and muffled voices do come from his room giving one a highly spooky feeling and last weekend trash weighing over a tonne was seized from his room.

4)Joey:Mere ko samajh mein nahin aa rahe mai kya likhun.......mei jo bolta hai mere munh se ulta nikalta hai......as u can see,the part of my brain which controls the speech area has gone on vacation to Kerala and wont be back for 2 yrs more.....

5)Mohit M**tthal:The more said,the less for this guy and he might put me in MUTTHAL danger if i go ahead and suck out whatever remains of his highly depleted amount of self respect,but still ill still go ahead and trash him like any another day(he's our favourite punchbag u see)!!!!!
He can be only heard saying this nowadays "abe yaar,mai waise hi depress rehta hoo ........aur depress mat karo" to which we reply in our usual 'we dont give a mutthal's ass' tone:"Muutthal!!!!!!!!!!"

6)Shubbu ,the ran**:The favourite and the most sought after maal of the institute with his/her trademark walks and jhatkaas.Complaints have been received regarding low customer satisfaction but they are blatantly turned a blind eye to and the business proceeds as usual with overtime being done nowadays due to some expenses incurred(namely the REGOL fine)

7)Sushi:Men describe him as their ideal,women call him the best thing that has ever happened to them.But he goes on fully aware that the slightest compalcency will render the world at the mercy of the 6 abovementioned nukes.Infact so great is his greatness that he refuses to put water on the body for weeks at a time,a fact that does not go down well with the mortal souls who dwell with him.............hail the LONE RANGER!!!!!!!

The fest that simply has to be attended......

2007-10-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

"No blogs for a long time?"asks joey.
ME:I think i have reached that stage as an author where,new ideas stop coming.
(This comment,I think,is reserved for authors of the calibre of Rowling only but what the heck,excuse maarne mein kya jaata hai)

This blog is about R-fest,named Thomso( I think if there was one thing that had to be named after the founder,this fest has been rightly named after the guy).
Again I refer to my previous blogs and say that as much as i now hate D fest(note the poetic justice in the line),i love R fest.

Apart from the usual twinkle in the eyes of the horny residents of the campus due to the huge turnout of the fairer sex,the fest provides ample oppurtunities to let ur hair down(guys look forward to oppurtunities to let their pants down too!!!!).
Since this is my blog,i wont provide a detour of thomso,ill just say what happened to me in the fest.

I was basically involved(read:working my ass off) in two things:Litsec events and Accomodation cell.
The former turned out to be quite a pleasant surprise as the events organised by the geeks of the insti saw participation in huge numbers.The point in case being the fact that my MMS(not the DPS,RKP mms u morons,MMS means movies music sports)quiz saw such participation which even other "cooler" sections couldnt boast of.
The latter turned out be the most thankless job i have ever done,although it felt nice when a participant offered me to come to his birthday bash and have drinks(i'm still looking forward to that one!!!!)and it of course felt nice when people said "Nice job!!!!"

The readers might notice im not in my usual PJ mood(the PJ's have btw become a worldwide benchmark as far as blogs are concerned),well thts partially because im writing this blog at the behest of someone and partially because this Thomso wasnt that whacky as last year's when i had been rejected like 10 times for the blind date event.Come to think of it,there's actually no point asking a girl to on a blind date contest with u:u HAVE to dump her once u are IN the event.

Of course the whackiness kicked in during the concerts where i managed to make Jaini STAND on my shoulders and he made a video of the whole concert crowd(there's a 10 second portion which focusses only on some immensely well endowed entity's assests!!!!).As a result i had to sleep with a crappe bandage around my neck.......

I'd like to conclude on the same monotonous and boring note as this blog,that this was probably the only four days where we got to see "greenery" on the campus and here's sincerely hoping that the Spice Girls make next year's R-fest as a part of their Asia tour itenary................

THE REASON IS?

2007-10-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

Lately, i have had my first addiction,but wait nobody breathe a sigh of relief,i'm not gonna die of cocaine or charas,the addiction is the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank.
"The Reason"s that led to my screwing the second test series.Faithful(and probabaly,by now,in coma due to excessive laughter after reading my blogs)readers will recall my unique way of recounting the way things go in my examinations.
So here i go again:

Maths:
Last time it was LaPlace,this time around it was Mr.Fourier who had got his dick stuck in the fly(for the non abusive junta the thing i m recounting happens when men get their "u know whats" stuck in the zip of their pants).And somehow that had spurred him on to invent some hideous calculations,which we were supposed to study.
As usual(rather, as always)I had come to know the syllabus barely a day before the exam,so my chances of .......well,let me just say,I had just found "a reason" to pray to Goddess Saraswati,so that i dont lay an egg(literally)in the exam.
Needless to say, the paper went as always,with me sleeping for around 15 mins in the middle of the paper and then the unusual happened!!!
It turns out that my preparations for the battle were so low that i couldnt even "taapo" correctly the "baaju waale ki sheet" and now since Mohit(its a clause in my contract with Blogger to use his name at least once in a derogatory manner in each of the blogs)has so sweetly(sweet doesnt sound derogatory enuf),rather,hornily come up to me and asked to watch "Dil ,dosti etc" with him,i have found "THE REASON" to terminate this blog.

all i'll say is:
Ive found a reason for meeeeeeeee
To change who i used to beeeeeee
A reason to start over neuuuuuuuu
and the reason is chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.............

Le Tutorials!!!!

2007-10-08T03:08:00.000-07:00

Its 3:37pm as i write this blog.
Today two tutorial classes were to be held from 2 to 4 pm(not tht they werent held or anything like that but ull appreciate the subtleties of my writing "were to be",once u have read the complete blog.).

2:05 p.m.:Me and Vikalp enter the classroom completely at sea regarding what we have to do for another hour of the class.
2:10:We get to know we have to submit Tutorial no.7(mind u,this knowledge was garnered after much "pooch taach" as most of the other people too turned out to be ignorant souls like us.).
2:15:It comes to the notice of our highly timid brains that Vipul and Vidit have completed the tut(we may give the ghissues highly innovative abuses,but like a good food chain,they have their uses,or rather,only their copies have uses).
2:16:Vipul is whistled at and as he turns around he is asked for his notebook,which by now has assumed the status which even THE BIBLE cant boast of.
2:17:Fifteen students(who just two years previously were themselves the toppers of their respective schools and might have deemed the following scenario "impossible")are copying word to word from one notebook!!!!!
2:30:All the copycat stuff has been done and I go to the professor for geting it checked(i present as straight a face possible).The guy falls for it(why wudnt he,I have had solid 18 months experience in this field!!!).
2:32:I am out of the class still completely at sea as to what i have done during the previous half an hour!!!!

20 minutes are passed at the Library( we go there coz its AC'd)and nescafe(we go there to check out some girls that turn up) laughing and making merry about the forgone class!!!!

3:05:We again enter the class complely at sea(its maths so ill say we WERE at the sea of tranquility( for those who dont get the pj,the abovesaid sea is on the moon)rather)
3:10:We joke along quite a lot with the "teacher" so a shout erupts "SIRRRRRRR!!!!!CHOD DOO!!!!!!"
3:15:We leave the class leaving behind Vipul and Vidit discussing "How long was Fourier's dick?" with the teacher!!!!

So if u havent dozed off to doom already while reading this,i'll just say:

TUTORIALS ARE EDUCATIVE!!!!!!

A TYPICAL IITian

2007-10-07T03:03:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to make some sense out of the classnotes' copy of one of my batchmates for the past two hours with the only outcome being that I have decided to vent my desperation on this portal.The subject,by the way, is Kinematics of Machines,so folks if I am found dead u know who is the culprit.Just like that!!!!!!!
So any of of u,who are expecting another one of my "humorous"blogs(I sincerely hope u find my blogs funny,and if u dont,plzzzz consult a doctor.),ure out of luck today folks!!!Today i m as senti as neone can possibly get.
P.s.-Like the gpa system of the iit's this senti scale is relative so i still cud appear mad to people who dont hail from R-land!!!!

Two years of solid preparation for only one exam might render even Shahrukh Khan charmless and dim-witted,let alone mortal souls like us.So there's bound to be some of that world famous "nerdness" in us.But this part only rests with us till we reach our respective colleges(though it remains with the ghissues for the rest of their lives).

What happens to a typical IITian is this:
Some of the values inculcated here are terrorists and counter terorrists can never be friends(except of course,when I m playing the chutiyaap strike).tutorials are not meant to be done,they are to be used to make paperplanes(paper is to be used properly u see).Attendence has to be kept above 75%(aage chalke yeh shayad professional life mein kaam aaye)either by hook or(most probabaly)by crook,so proxies are the norm of the day.Girls are rare so each girl sighted by neone has to discussed as lewdly as possible(without ne emotions involved)with all the friends(and sometimes strangers too!!!!).

Some of the ususal scenes here are:
People brushing and exercising their bowels at the same time.Not bathing for weeks at a time as a result of which the deo sales of the markets hit the skies and rusty bathroom taps.25 people in the class,yet the attendance register might show 50 had turned up(and yeah all25 had woken up only during the attendance).Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen.Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen.Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen.Girls are given looks as if the big foot has been seen...........

And after 4 years( i think after Five point someone and reading this blog u get the picture of iits)of the abovesaid activities,i doubt neone wud be deemed as "normal"!!!!
So on this senti note,I bid adieu.

P.s.-Again i want to say,this senti mood was a slight hiccup in my nervous system brought about by seeing excessive number of numbers in a particular copy,so i wud be in my normal(some might still call it funny)mood tomorrow!!!!!!!

There's an athelete in all of us.

2007-10-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

Those were the days!!!When I was one of the select few topping the class,girls came to me to solve their queries,albeit non romantic ones(not that now i solve romantic ones either),teachers "wanted" my opinions,blah...blah....
Unfortunately that was also the time when I didnt play nething for some days and my weight increased exponentially to near a quintal or so.And bang!!!During the middle of that big bang of my own came the physical examination practical...I only had to endure a 100m race.......but even that seemed a mammoth task to my mammoth of a body and after running 50m or so i shouted"Phat gayi!!!!Phat gayi!!!!",needless to say i came last but not before i had made all the front runners lose a couple of seconds after they had doubled up with laughter!!!!
(this event has gone down in the school legends)

Fast forward one and a half years....

These are the days,I m one of the select few of the backbenchers,there ARE no girls so leave them aside and the professors,well, they sometimes "want" my opinion on whether i was sleeping or copying a tutorial on "THAT LAST SEAT"?

Fortunately,these are also the days when i play a whole range of sports(my friends here will confirm the fact that if versatility is wht u want i am ur man!!!) and my weight(with much help from the RJB mess)has reduced to half a quintal or thereabouts.
Also,I have started taking my physical fitness quite seriously (I ran 5kms just bfore i had to leave for "the fest that cannot be attended")and after i told this to my frnds who had witnessed that graceful event of "Phat gayi!!!!!",they said:"Yaar!!!The old Sushant was more hilarious".

So today there was this Athletic meet for the college,i m more into sports than athletics,but decided to participate newaz in some races and stuff.
First event:800m race
I fell within the first 10m(I'd like to think it was a conspiracy on the competitors' part who THOUGHT i cud win the race)and any professional athelete will tell u how hard it is to get up once u fall down(and even harder when u have not eaten ur breakfast and woken up just 15 mins bfore the race).So I came last(actually joint last when one of my basketball teammates took pity on me and joined me).

Next event:100m race
Arjun("bakch*d",joint secy of basketball):I think the basketball team shud have its separate heat.We run so slowly such that even if others TRY they wont be able to run that slow!!!
Myself:Yeah why not!!!We'll call it the Bakch*d heat!!!

So the participants of the bakch*d heat lined up.
Pratap:No matter what happens,we'll all run together!!!!
Chorus:Fine

The race starts and Pratap is left behind.
After we have run around 70m or so,a shout comes from behind(it was more of a scream actually):Bastards!!!Left me behind

I was instantly reminded of my memorable school days after listening to this plea of help.

And now I can only give myself solace from Aunt May's words:There's an athelete in all of us!!!!!

RONE-DE-TU

2007-10-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

So finally after reading Della's blog ,i am filled with enuf inspiration to write about the "fest that cannot be attended"(actually it cant be named either properly,the guys in "R-land" call it ,well never mind,there's enuf profainety in my blogs already).

So me,haddu and the bubba man(further referred to as b-man) boarded the quite good looking bus(we iitians go for lokks everywhere) to THE capital(of hot chicks).The bus ride went fine for me,well i was listening to Eminem and Shinoda all along and i think i have become quite adept at rapping(there are two p's in the word,mind that),and i think the fellow passengers were acknowledging that fact by passing me glances!!!!

We had missed two initial days of that "fest" which satisfies most of the "R-Land's" fetish.So we finaaly reached there when the "rock" show was going on.
Well, i think the audience had taken the word quite seriously and they WERE sitting like a rock(there was CLAPPING for chrissakes in the show).......and only when Decibel(pronounced as decimal by the comperer)performed ,some heads swung into action and as a result of tht action my neck has been out of action ever since.

Again true to the spirit of Litsec,i cud only "see" the maals on show!!!!Even that turned boring after sometime and i think the highlight just before we left THE capital(of overhyped chicks) was that India defeated Australia and we were again defeated by the compelling forces of the dark side.....

p.s. As i write,Abhay tells me to keep the blog short so here i find myself an ideal excuse to CUT IT OUT!!!!
p.s. the brecket buttons on my keyboard have been ambushed after their usage on this blog!!!!

JEEV MILKHA SING MEETS ALFRED NOBEL MEETS MOTHER TERESA!!!!MEETING ORGANISED BY IIChe,IIT ROORKEE

2007-10-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

THE DAY AS U WILL SEE TURNED OUT BE THE MOST BAKCH*D DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!

5:45p.m.:Sunki(the bulk and the original NAGESWARAN as we will see):The IIChe is organising this interdepartmental quiz in the Bose Audi at 6 .I ,u and Naman will be a team.
Myself(stifling a titanic yawn after 4 hrs of straight sleep):Hokay!!!!

Bose Audi:
Sunki:Those dicks are charging us 10 bucks per team for registration!!!!
Myself(in my usual monotonous tone):Bhen ke ****,khaane ke liye yahi bahana mila tha saalon ko!!!!
Incoming call from prateek:I cant find neone from Production engineering for the quiz,damnit.
Myself:Take neone,sit with us we'll apply shareware programme and get u through!!!!
(eventually he brings Gholap and a faccha,who in my mind are the worst possible choices)

First round was the typical chaotic round where my and prateek's team literally exchanged sheets and we qualified for the second round.
The highlight of this round was the time when i showed my humility by asking prateek:TUMHARA bhi ho gaya?

20 teams qualified for the second which was an audiovisual round,the best lot of the questions were highly enlightening to say the least as we got to know that apart fron human beings,the fakako is an animal(bird)which isnt extinct!!!

OH AND YEAH I FORGOT DURING THE MEANTIME WE HAD GOTTEN USED TO KICKING SUNKI'S "SCULPTED" BUTT, SO WE STARTED CALLING OUR TEAM "THE NAGESWARANS-NEMESIS OF THE SIMPSONS"
p.s.-this joke isnt half as funny when written down!!!!!

and yeah does neone of u know that a president of THE STATES had installed an electric horse in the white house?(i joked tht it was rather for some extra curricular fun for all future presidents until Bill Clinton fell for Ms.Lewinsky)
bad u say?tell me about it!!!i was having a stomachache from laughing at this point!!!!

Final round,the ultimate chutiy**p:

First prize:1000 cash
Second: 500 cash
third:a set of books for CAT preparation!!!!!
announced the quiz master(who looked as if he might not be able to tell u HIS name if asked at this point)!!!!

With this began the final round,and yeah Prateek's team had qualified after enduring one another lecture of mine which contained numerous qoutes from my bank of humility like,"Abe tum agar kar gaye qualify to humein to downright first de denge!!!!!"

Our team's first connect(u'll probaably kill me after reading this):connect Jeev Milkha,Alfred Nobel,some godforsaken monument,a slum area,a photo of the Pope.
Naman(deep in thought):Kya ho sakta hai?
Myself(deep in my SHALLOW thoughts):The word , I think ,we are looking for here is motherf**ker!!!!
The Nageswarans split up laughing

Eventually the answer was announced as Mother Teresa.
Myself to myself:Atleast the MOTHER part was right!!!!

Turns out the following things had conspired:
Jeev Milkha had won SOME award tht Mother Teresa had won.(It definitely wasnt the award for performing the most bakch*di,that HAS to go to IIChe)
Nobel for the nobel prize
The "godforsaken" monument was actually her birthplace.
Pope for her cannonization events.
slums for her work(and eventually where IIChe is heading)

Another eventful thing that happened was some of my fellow litsec members didnt know who had directed the godfather trilogy!!!They answered Tarantino for chrissakes.........
I think starting tomorrow they are gonna be treated as outcasts in the section!!!

so some googol tantrums and googol abusive words later and yeah a googol"F**K!!!"s later the quiz ended and Surprisingly Prateek's team finished third and we finished fourth!!!! "GOD!!!WHERE ART THOU?"

Naman i think has gone into permanent shock and keeps saying:Humara kat gaya!!Humara kat gaya!!

p.s.:IIChe is NOT a work of fiction,all characters involved in the above episode are hereby deemed mentally unfit for ne further human contact!!!!

MORONS IN CLASS

2007-09-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

"Abe aa gaya kya?"
"nahin lekin kabhi bhi aa sakta hai!!!"
(narrator:its not voldemort,its the preofessor they are talking about)
Mohit:Where wud i get nude photos of Victoria Silvesdt?
(saying this he enters the classroom and a huge uproar of "Mutt*al" greets him)
Mohit:Kam se kam class mein to mat kiya karo!!!
Myself:Kya bola be?Tu dekh aaj mai beech sadak pe chillaunga!!!!
(the prof enters)
(chorus:shhh!!!!shhh!!!!)
Joey:Me going to sleep at the back!!!
Myself:Okay!Come lets play "Mohit is an a***ole".
(chorus:okay okay)
Abhinav:Or we cud throw chalks at those ghissues in the front bench!!!
Maayaaa:i'll read sherlock holmes!!!
(narrator:studies are nowhere in sight)
(out of nowhere prof suddenly props up to see what these backbenchers are doing)
Prof:Is this supposed to be ur bedroom?
Rakesh(who was hitherto sleeping as if in heaven):Sir,headache!!!
Prof:GETTTTT OUTTTT!!!!
(someone's mobile:bhen**** sutta!!!bhen**** sutta!!!)
Prof(himself inclined to say something on THAT line):Switch ur mobiles off!!!!
(chorus:yeah right,hahahahahaha...........)

MORONS MOVE ON...............

2007-09-17T10:01:00.001-07:00

Faithful readers(thts just a polite way of sayin:u dont have nething to do apart from reading my blog?)might recall that when we last met "THE most horny beings on the planet" their test series's had just ended so they were in a rather flamboyant mood.
But now its time that those demons are awaken again(like Jesus's resurrection only that THEY look like Satan's minions)in the form of answer scripts.

So now in this episode we get to see,their reactions,some of which are suicidal.
P.S.:viewer discretion is ,as usual, advised

Mohit:Where wud i get nude photos of Victoria Silvesdt?
(narrator:even I think she is smoking hot)
Myself:In Kinematics of Machines by G.H. Martin,u a***ole!!!on one side there are these numbers which never go in to double figures and the only score ure concerned about is 36-24-36!!!!
Joey:Maine maths mein phod diye...........3 aaye!!!!
Abhinav:u mean 1+2=3 waala 3?sahi hai chaapoooo!!!!
(chorus:chaaapo!!!!chaapo!!!!)
(narrator:these guys arent what one might call subtle.For those who are confused Joey has just broken the record for the all time lowest score in maths)
Mohit:I got 17.5,Shubbu got 25.I wont get ne job now!!!!!
(narrator:apart from his being horny which a lil absurd,all of Mohit's talks suggest that either he has an iq in negatives or else has not reached puberty yet!!!!)
Abhinav:Abe jyaada bola yahin pe khade khade aisi utaarenge teri!!!!
Myself:@#$%^&,maa ke*****
(chorus:maa ke *****,maa ke *****)
Abhijeet:Has neone seen my thermo copy?no?ok has neone seen my shit oops sorry sheet holder?
(narrator:Abhijeet is sure about only one of his things being in place, u guess that on ur own)

On the next episode of the hero honda star parivar award nominated series:the scene now shifts to a classroom....in a never bfore seen sequence ull actually get to see what an iit classroom looks like with everybody asleep.So be there!!!!!

2007-09-15T04:12:00.000-07:00

*continued from the previous episode:

Mayank:Abe haan yaar mast hai woh!!!!
Mohit:saalon kaminon disturb mat karo Share ka kaam karna hai!!!
(narrator:share is this ........ummmmmm......not sure newaz its somebody or i think something that mohit works for)
Myself:@#$%^&*, ****** maa ke ****
(narrator:better i dont expalin those highly enlightening words)
Shubbu,the ran**:Abe tut chaap liya kya?
(narrator:in this world of fast life ,these guys really believe in fast study,one guy (termed the ghissue)does the tutorials all others copy it from him....)
Myself:Pata nahin un ghissuion ne kiya hoga to chaap lenge....
Joey:Mai chale chaapo par.Ek bandi ke chaapo hain.
Abhinav:Aaj phir contri chaapo hai kya?
chorus:hahahahaha.........
chorus:chalo cs khelte hain....
myself:abe agar mai teeammates ko marron ko mere ko server se kick mat karna!!!!

So they all played cs and laughed happily ever after!!!

list of abbreviations:
chaapo:treat ,where only one person pays the bill
contri:divide the bill type party
cs:chutiyaap strike(some call it counter strike , i believe)
archi:architecture department(the only place u get to see some curves in the structure)

THE NUTS AND THE BOLTS OF LIGHTNING AT MECH IITR!!!

2007-09-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

"Mechanical hathaudachaap branch hai to ismein ladkiyan kam hi aati hain!!!"quipped an uncle of mine when i was allocated mechanical at iitr after the counselling.

Well after one year of pure "farzi" engineering at least that part is true.....
So on this immensely boring holiday i sit down to write about my frnds here in my department!!!!

We have a lot of people whom u might call "namoonas",myself being the biggest of the lot,there's Mohit Mut**al,Abhinav Gaa**ey and who can forget Baaabaaaaaaaaa(i think his real name is Pornov,which is spelled as Pranav).

If these are students then the profs are equally aliens like.Well Matty-boy once told me that some guy was suspended after someone read his blog so i wont give any direct names(IM A SCARED KID!!!!)but for those understanding enuf:"Mazaak nahin ho raha hai yahan par,abhi mera paala phirse padega third year mein to jyaada samajhne ki zaroorat nahin hain".

Some excerpts of a typical group of mech engineering undergrads:

p.s.:some wont be able to understand if they are not aware of the recent developments in the abusive lingo area.
P.S:this is a work of fiction,any resemblance to any person living or(most probably)dead is HIGHLY coincidental!!!!!

Mohit:Where would i get nude photos of Victoria S?
Myself,Kaa** Ch**hi:Have u told ur mom about her!!!this is getting serious.When will u propose her?
Chorus:hahahahahahhaa..........
Mohit:Why do u DO this to me,u shitbomb!!!!
Abhinav Gaan*ey:Mohit is so innocent sometimes he i think was born only an hour ago!!!!
Joey:Abe canteen chalenge?
(narrator:joey is a mallu so speaks hindi too fluently)
Abhinav:Abe chu*** canteen nahin chalti humein chalna hota hai!!!!
chorus:bachao !!!!!bachao!!!!!
Mayank(Maayaa):Abe uske baare mein suna archi mein mast bandi aayi hai?
(narrator:for starters mechanical guys are THE most horny beings on the planet)
Myself,Kaa** Ch**hi:Yup, i think i might have seen her that day,i thought my day went well after i had seen her!!!

****Next episode :after another bout of appy fizz at the otherwise pathetic jawahar bhawan canteen!!!!!

BASKI KA ULTIMATE CH*******

2007-09-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

In the first year I had the oppurtunity to play many sports right from football to u name it and i played it......and i got to learn many nuances of various games.....but in the second year i decided that i LOVED the sound of a beasketball going into the net.....so there i go every evening to play basketball, which after learning some of it ,i feel is the most technically advanced game.....often that technicality gets a better of us and makes a mockery of our senses:

The typical warm up session begins with simple jogging and then sprinting,which literally makes me feel like my lungs are being torn apart.......and then the drills that we have to do, a less respectful person might say that we look more like monkeys doing that stuff.....but the real fun comes when we play the game.
As usual we are divided into two teams of 5 and the coach gives us some standing instructions which we just stand and listen as we know we wont be able to work them right in the first attempt.......so these things generally result in total chaos and teammates colliding with eeach other and fighting each other for the ball.......and the session typically ends with the coach saying that babboons can paly better basketball then us!!!!

But nevertheless ,we never get tired of trying to learn the game which we all love......well that 2-3 hrs on the court is the only time i m serious and thts why u might have invented some new abuses for me while reading this immensely boring blog!!!!!

THE BOOKS THAT I READ!!!!

2007-09-07T03:52:00.000-07:00

It has become more of a cliche to say Harry Potter and Dan Brown rock.I believe everyone on the planet has by now come to know that Robert Langdon wears a Mickey watch that glows in the dark,and well if u dont i'll still suggest reading these books to you.

And since everyone and I mean everyone has an opinion on these books,i wont take any risks by delving into THAT matter.

I am right now reading a book on numerology and frankly now I can appreciate even Emraan Hashmi's movies.You have to know deeper sh** to appreciate the previous ones u have been through.....from the first chapter I came to know that my Destiny number is 11 and it turns out that this is one of the master numbers which means i must have special gifts.So the author really believes i m THE ONE?
Well i can sense Chandler asking me "How dumb ARE you?" so i now shift to other areas:

During the holidays i read Glam Pam's auto-full porn biography "Star".I swear it was more disgusting than her pictures that crop up on the Times Of India international page and that often adorn the walls of some of my beloved friends' hostel rooms.I rather go for Kidman on the walls so thts that.....

Also during the holidays i read Ludlum's books The Bancroft Conspiracy,The Ambler Warning.These books were good only that they were so mind boggling that i used to forget MY name the morning after I had read the books......

And how can i forget to mention the best of the lot i have read recently "Freakonomics".....well tht's an awesome book and i'd rather u form ur own opinion

I believe u have fallen asleep after reading all that crap...so enuf torture for now ......

2007-09-06T04:47:00.000-07:00

Euphoria rules as the TS have ended and everybody seems to have a plan even those ghissues and muggers who i didnt even know existed!!!

So now I have to go and play pool which i had, a little too enthusiastically i think, booked for three straight hours.

2007-09-05T22:41:00.000-07:00

Day 2:

First bomb:Kinematics of Machines.This turned out to be a needlessly dreaded monster.The paper was pretty easy but a lot of peek a boo ensued and as result one got to see a blue moon:cute cuddly children smiling after an exam!!!!
The only real incident during the exam was that there were loads of wasps fluttering like miniature Tomahawk Cruise Missiles and they were more dreaded than our dear invigilator who i thought was either dumb both metaphorically as well as literally.....

TEST SERIES!!!!!

2007-09-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

Consider it ironic that i decided to finally join the blogging world on the day of a dreaded ts.But then thts how these demons drive u nuts!!!!
So as i was saying today was the ts and the first paper was maths and it began on a bad note, a pretty bad note actually.I was caught "looking at anothe's sheet"which I consider an understatement as i was literally trying to take the guy's sheet and promptly the invigilator, who instantly reminded me of Umbridge gave me -2....the rest as they say is history actually the paper is bound to be boring when u know more about Mr.LaPlace than his transforms.

Next mission:Structural Sciences.I came to the exam hall with nothing but a pen and it promptly beacame clear that my managerial skills had to be used.Everything ranging from the godforsaken setsqures to calculators was required and by the time the paper ended the invigilator(who funnily enuf had brought a polythene full of paans to be eaten in the hall!!!)said:"ummm....mmmmmm.......mmmmmm" which i translated as being equivalent to"U!! Useless piece of sh**,why dont u bring anything to the hall?"

Next level:Machine drawing.Last few days had been spent learning the nuts and bolts,and infact what happened was in the end i forgot what a nut looked like ,so just out of curiosity i Wikipediad it and it gave a representation that said"nut:female,bolt:male" so my concept was cleared there and then!!!!Coming back to the paper it was the usual "Abe side ho maa ke****!!"
"Saale us waale circle ka diameter kitna hai?" but what transpired in the end was that u cant help it but just s(h)it down and go on toiling and chancer are u wont still get anything rite!!!

So i sit here writing a blog while there are 3 further more Voldemorts waiting tommorow,but what the f**k Howard Roark was a hero too!!!!